Cutting Ties with Adult Children

[Virgo10]

Has anyone ever done this? I'm not going into the whole mess but I just told my son that we should stay apart. For those wondering if what happened was THAT bad... well it was and it's happened twice. We're talking a 31 year old man who still thinks the entire universe revolves around him.

I don't know how I feel right now. Part of me is relieved as I've seen this day coming for a long time. Part of me is sad too.

Please, no bashing. This was not done lightly. I'm just wondering if anyone else here has had to cut ties with their adult children in order to get their life in order.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

No help here but

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.

 

[kdibattista]

 

[Sherri]

Has anyone ever done this? I'm not going into the whole mess but I just told my son that we should stay apart. For those wondering if what happened was THAT bad... well it was and it's happened twice. We're talking a 31 year old man who still thinks the entire universe revolves around him.

I don't know how I feel right now. Part of me is relieved as I've seen this day coming for a long time. Part of me is sad too.

Please, no bashing. This was not done lightly. I'm just wondering if anyone else here has had to cut ties with their adult children in order to get their life in order.

My aunt is getting a court order to her 30 year old son to move out. She is also at her wits end with him.
I'm sorry your going through this to.

 

[C.Ann]

Sadly, yes - my one and only son.. My first born.. He's psychotic; irresponsible; wanted by the authorities for 18 years of back child support; has never held a job for longer than a day; and most importantly, extremely dangerous.. He's made numerous death threats against us and in 2000, I informed him by registered mail that if he ever contacted any of us again I would have him arrested.. His threats are not idle ones - he has physically harmed both me and my DD in the past..

As far as I know, he doesn't know where we're living now (nor do I know where his is) - and all of us are much safer for it..

 

[Virgo10]

Sadly, yes - my one and only son.. My first born.. He's psychotic; irresponsible; wanted by the authorities for 18 years of back child support; has never held a job for longer than a day; and most importantly, extremely dangerous.. He's made numerous death threats against us and in 2000, I informed him by registered mail that if he ever contacted any of us again I would have him arrested.. His threats are not idle ones - he has physically harmed both me and my DD in the past..

As far as I know, he doesn't know where we're living now (nor do I know where his is) - and all of us are much safer for it..

Oh C.Ann, I'm sorry. My situation isn't anything close to that. This had to do with the surgery I just had. He actually made me feel bad because I asked him for help. He's a taker and always has been. And this was the second time I've been hospitalized and not even gotten a phone call. I just don't want to put myself through his temper tantrums any more.

It's a double whammy to boot. My daughter has also dealt with my surgery by completely ignoring it. I feel such despair!

 

[C.Ann]

Oh C.Ann, I'm sorry. My situation isn't anything close to that. This had to do with the surgery I just had. He actually made me feel bad because I asked him for help. He's a taker and always has been. And this was the second time I've been hospitalized and not even gotten a phone call. I just don't want to put myself through his temper tantrums any more.

It's a double whammy to boot. My daughter has also dealt with my surgery by completely ignoring it. I feel such despair!

---------------------------

I'm so sorry to hear you were treated so poorly by your children.. It sounds like a "pattern" with your son - being a "taker" - but how about your DD? Is this new behavior from her?

 

[binny]

I'm so sorry that you are both suffering

 

[PixiePop]

No advice...just a friendly

 

[Mandabella]

No real advice, but some

Unfortunately, there comes a time when you just have sever ties with "toxic" people in your life to remain sane...including your own blood.

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

Sadly, yes - my one and only son.. My first born.. He's psychotic; irresponsible; wanted by the authorities for 18 years of back child support; has never held a job for longer than a day; and most importantly, extremely dangerous.. He's made numerous death threats against us and in 2000, I informed him by registered mail that if he ever contacted any of us again I would have him arrested.. His threats are not idle ones - he has physically harmed both me and my DD in the past..

As far as I know, he doesn't know where we're living now (nor do I know where his is) - and all of us are much safer for it..

C.Ann, I am so sorry to hear this

We had to do the exact same thing with my DH's sister. She's of the same ilk...dangerous, threatening, on drugs, etc. She has also been informed that she will be arrested if she ever contacts us again. As a result, we have no relationship with DH's family, since his mother fully supports her lunatic daughter for some unknown reason We're the bad guys, but oh well...our safety comes first!

My answer to this is that I can see cutting ties with an adult child if it's a safety hazard. I can't see doing it for the sake of hurt feelings, though, if it's something that you can possibly work out. Time and distance can do a lot to help heal those sorts of situations.

OP, perhaps when your son becomes a father himself, he will see his relationship with you in a different light. If not, perhaps you can keep him in your life as long as you know what to expect from him so you don't allow yourself to become disappointed over and over.

 

[HSMndLKfan92]

Ugh. I'm really sorry that I have poor advice. But, time will let your heart mend from what's just happened. Wonderful, new times may never re-write raising your son, but you have to remember that you've done this not only for yourself, but for your son.

You let go of your son not to be mean, but to protect yourself and your family, and quite possibly to teach him a lesson.

It must be so hard . . But what you did was right. ​

 

[Mai Ku Tiki]

Dear Virgo10,
I was on the opposite end...for 7 years, my dad cut off contact...no horrible problems...he just interpreted other opinions as disrespect and would disappear from my life months on end if I dared disagree about anything....we had always been oil & water...sadly, he missed his only grandchild's childhood. People often told me to swallow my pride and rekindle the relationship...it wasn't pride preventing this..it was my determination to survive a very toxic relationship because my heart (and later my son's) was always broken when he'd banish us. Anyway, I finally called him after 7 years when I felt strong enough to handle possible rejection (again). He was already quite ill and we had only a few months together before he died. Yes, I regret the lost time. But I DO NOT feel responsible for it. I needed to try to preserve my sanity and my son's happiness.

I hope you find some peace with your decision. You have the right to be happy, too.

Your photos have always cheered me & often at difficult times...Soon I hope to be in beautiful FLA as well...I'll meet you on Main Street & we'll pal around at DisneyWorld enjoying our happiness as we BOTH deserve.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery!

 

[minkydog]

No great words of advice I'm currently receiving the silent treatment from my 20yo DS for infractions that only he knows about
( but clearly *I* should understand ) I'm not writing him off, but after Christmas we will be "helping" him to move on to a new place. I feel your pain. My son wasn't raised to be so self-centered and obnoxious, and my other two kids are not like him. It's hard on a mom when they turn on you like this. Go in peace

 

[flipturngirl]

wow I read this earlier and was like wth does cutting trees have to do with this. Then I just re read the title and oh.. I am sorry about everything

okay now I am better