Curious for opinions

[horseshowmom]

A friend's daughter was invited to the Winter Formal at West Point the end of January. Here's the background:

The girl dated this boy 3 years ago, and it ended badly due to some character issues of his (lying, sneaking, etc.).

Fast forward to December, he (now a Sophomore at West Point) contacted her and asked if he could see her while he was home for Christmas. He told her how embarrassed he was by his previous behavior and how ashamed he was that he had behaved that way (that he had grown up) and asked if she would be willing to get together. She told him that she was only interested in being friends but that she would see him.

They saw each other a lot over the holiday. She went with him to his family's Christmas out of state, and he went with her to hers.

He invited her to the Winter Formal Weekend (or whatever it's called). He told her that he would take care of her room (knew she wasn't willing to share a room with him). Her mother discussed it with me, and I told her that I would go with her if it were me. This girl hasn't traveled a lot and has NO experience with anything like NYC (and I still didn't trust the boy even though her mother was very impressed by his change - thought he had grown up). She's a really nice young girl from a very rural area, and I didn't want her to find herself in a bad situation.

The boy knew the mother was planning on going too (not going to be involved with them at all). She was going to pay for the room too since she was going. He said that was great and told her all about the stuff she and the younger child could find to do.

My friend bought 3 plane tickets (two for her and her daughter and an extra one for her younger child so she would have some company to go do things with) at a cost of $1000. This was around the first of January.

Fast forward to this weekend, and suddenly he's not calling anymore. Girl finally gets him on the phone, and he says he's not ready for a long distance relationship. She told him that they weren't in a relationship to start with. Long conversation short, he's not interested in having her come after all. My personal take on the situation is that he thought he could manipulate the situation, but things didn't work out the way he planned.

I think he owes the mother $1000. The tickets were bought with his encouragement. Justice court here says that he is liable, and he can be made to pay if he doesn't choose to do so on his own (mother checked).

Mother is mad and wants her money. Daughter is upset (and embarrassed, I'm sure) and wants her to drop the whole thing.

Mother also wants to call his commanding officer (feels like honor should mean something at West Point). She's also furious that he behaved so brazenly (as she said, from now on she'll remember that old saying about how if somebody shows you who they are, believe them). Daughter doesn't want to get him into trouble at WP.

I told the mother that I would respect daughter's feelings concerning WP, but I would get my money back regardless.

I'm speechless that somebody would pull this.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

A friend's daughter was invited to the Winter Formal at West Point the end of January. Here's the background:

The girl dated this boy 3 years ago, and it ended badly due to some character issues of his (lying, sneaking, etc.).

Fast forward to December, he (now a Sophomore at West Point) contacted her and asked if he could see her while he was home for Christmas. He told her how embarrassed he was by his previous behavior and how ashamed he was that he had behaved that way (that he had grown up) and asked if she would be willing to get together. She told him that she was only interested in being friends but that she would see him.

They saw each other a lot over the holiday. She went with him to his family's Christmas out of state, and he went with her to hers.

He invited her to the Winter Formal Weekend (or whatever it's called). He told her that he would take care of her room, etc. Her mother discussed it with me, and I told her that I would go with her if it were me. This girl hasn't traveled a lot and has NO experience with anything like NYC (and I still didn't trust the boy even though her mother was very impressed by his change - thought he had grown up). She's a really nice young girl from a very rural area, and I didn't want her to find herself in a bad situation.

The boy knew the mother was planning on going too (not going to be involved with them at all). She was going to pay for the room too since she was going. He said that was great and told her all about the stuff she and the younger child could find to do.

My friend bought 3 plane tickets (two for her and her daughter and an extra one for her younger child so she would have some company to go do things with) at a cost of $1000. This was around the first of January.

Fast forward to this weekend, and suddenly he's not calling anymore. Girl finally gets him on the phone, and he says he's not ready for a long distance relationship. She told him that they weren't in a relationship to start with. Long conversation short, he's not interested in having her come after all.

My personal take on the situation is that he thought he could manipulate the situation, but things didn't work out the way he planned.

I think he owes the mother $1000. The tickets were bought with his encouragement. Justice court here says that he is liable, and he can be made to pay if he doesn't choose to do so on his own (mother checked).

Mother is mad and wants her money. Daughter is upset (and embarrassed, I'm sure) and wants her to drop the whole thing.

Mother also wants to call his commanding officer (feels like honor should mean something at West Point). She's also furious that he behaved so brazenly (as she said, from now on she'll remember that old saying about how if somebody shows you who they are, believe them). Daughter doesn't want to get him into trouble at WP.

I told the mother that I would respect daughter's feelings concerning WP, but I would get my money back regardless.

I'm speechless that somebody would pull this.

Are you sure you want opinions?

OK, I think the mother in this situation needs a reality check. Buying plane tickets to go to a dance is bizarre beyond words in my book.

Now if they were engaged to be married, OK, now you got me.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I don't know what Justice Court is--sorry.
My opinion on the situation as a whole is that the boy has acted very rudely and I do not blame the girl and her family for being angry.
I do not feel they have any right to demand the boy pay them back for their plane tickets. In ANY not fully committed relationship you have to know there is a risk the relationship could end at any moment. The risk is greatly amgified by this being a newish "just friends" relationship. Also I find it very odd that "just friends" (who so recetly reunited none the less) would be going to such an event and that the girl and her family would go to such lengths to atend under the circumstances. Mom took a risk when she bought the airfare (obviously she felt the boy could not be fully trusted at his word or else she would not have felt she had to chaperone her daughter) and now it looks like she will have a nice trip to NYC with her daughters. A girls' weekend will probably be fun if they look at it in the right light.

 

[glitterkittyy]

I'd drop the whole thing, but I wouldn't even want the $1k back. I'd take my kids on a trip to NYC and show them a good time.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'd drop the whole thing, but I wouldn't even want the $1k back. I'd take my kids on a trip to NYC and show them a good time.

In other words, "Make It Work"! Absolutely.

 

[mtemm]

I'd drop the whole thing, but I wouldn't even want the $1k back. I'd take my kids on a trip to NYC and show them a good time.

ditto!

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

I would drop the whole thing....and I'm actually surprised with myself because I'm usually a vindictive person

While I believe that it is the honorable thing for the boy to repay the money for the tickets, I do not think I would go as far as to demand it.

I also doesn't feel right to me to contact WP. The boy clearly has some character issues....but he didn't force anyone to buy these tickets. I don't think this is something that should ruin his career. Lots of people have made far worse decisions in their youth and grown to become great people....some have even been President

Chalk it up to lessons learned. to the poor girl though.

 

[AlleyKat]

The boy in question is very immature!

The girls mother shouldn't bother contact his commanding officer as he'll most likely lie about the situation/circumstances.

While "mom" could press for a full refund on the tickets and the room, she willingly purchased them with no guarantees!

 

[NHdisneylover]

Oh, there is a poll now I voted drop the entire thing. I don't think he did anything even remotely worthy of contacting West Point.

 

[Scurvy]

I don't think she should go after him for the money. He invited the girl, but the mom basically invited herself and the sister along. I don't blame her; I wouldn't want my child going someplace like that alone when she hasn't traveled much, but it's not the boy's fault that they decided to buy the tickets. He might have suggested things for them to do while in town, but that doesn't mean he was inviting them to come. When he invited the girl, he did offer to pay for her room but not her plane ticket. They should see if they can pay a fee and change the tickets to someplace they would like to go, and consider it a lesson learned.

I really don't think she should talk to his CO. That seems way over the top to me. He asked a friend to go to a dance with him, then changed his mind. They weren't in a relationship, and maybe he met a girl that he wants to date and decided to take her. It was rude, but not worthy of involving the CO.

I agree with The Mystery Machine - it's really a shocking expense, especially given that they weren't in a relationship. I can't imagine shelling out that kind of money for my child to go to a dance with a friend. If the mom was using it as an excuse for a mini vacation with her daughters then it makes more sense, but they can still do that with or without the dance.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Whew! The mother sure found out about his intentions! Has she asked the boy what he planned to do about the money that was spent to accommodate his plans? If I were the mom, I'd probably talk to him directly about it. If he was not willing to refund the money, I would probably take him to court. That was a rotten thing to do and $1000 can go a long way. Not something to just count as a loss to me. I would think about contacting the boy's commanding officer. He pursued the girl and dropped her, their plans, the mother's money, when things didn't go his way. Pretty bad in my book.

On the other hand, does the mother and DDs have any desire to go to NYC for a short sight seeing trip? Lemonade from lemons kind of thing? If so, I'd drop the finance part of the trip.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I don't think he should pay back the money unless it's just for the daughter. He didn't ask for the mom to bring the other daughter and a friend. That was the mom's idea.

I think that going after this boy at West Point is a little extreme. Would she do the same thing if this boy went to a different college or is this because he goes to WP? Yes he is at a presitigous school but in the end he is still an immature young man who has shown himmself 2x to be untrustworthy.

I would call it a very expensive life lesson and take the girls on a trip of NYC.

 

[Sanchez]

I think it would be difficult to find him liable for all three plane tickets when he invited the daughter only. The mother made a decision and his "encouragement" means very little. The relationship history also means very little.

The cost of pursuing this may also be prohibitive. A judgment against him does not mean that money can actually be collected. He cannot be "made to pay" without going after his assets. That is an expensive proposition to collect what may only be a few hundred dollars.

In short, I think that your friend should make a business decision and drop this. Letting emotions get in the way could be a costly.

I cannot comment on whether she should contact West Point. We have only your version (and it is a bit biased) to go by.

Please understand that I am looking at this from a financial/legal standpoint only. By no means am I claiming that what he did (according to your description) was right.

 

[LuvOrlando]

The boy is a dummy, but most young guys are.
The Mom was a fool for buying into it to that degree, she's a grown woman and should have known better considering this kids previous behavior. After all horeseshowmom you saw the writing on the wall didn't you. If you could see it plain as day than your friend should have done the same. Sounds like something scared the kid off, but he's a kid and she's kid... they do stuff like that.

Sounds like the only person who actually did nothing wrong was the young girl who sounds smarter than both her Mom and the WP boy.

I think the Mom needs to pull herself together and either bring her kids to NYC for a nice trip or use the airfare for something else.

Personally, I'd let it go since Mom shares a good portion of the blame with this particular set of circumstances as you've described them. I think your friend is angry because she made a foolish decision and wants the boy to pay out of spite... but I think it might just blow up on her in the end after all this guy has family who live near you right? Making it bigger would only make her look worse and would cause mean talk about her DD. I bet the girl knows this and is why she wants it to just blow over. I think it would be wise to side step all the trouble it could bring.

 

[horseshowmom]

I tend to agree in some ways with the previous posts. I wouldn't have bought the tickets either. As I said earlier, I didn't trust the young man.

It sounded like a fun once in a lifetime kind of thing, and the young lady was excited and eagerly looking forward to it. Supposedly, there were lots of fun activities planned.

He has indicated (through email) that he knows that he's responsible for the whole thing and that he would take care of "what was left" after she canceled the tickets (he indicated that she would get most of her money back after she canceled them). Apparently, he doesn't understand the concept of non-refundable tickets.

Nobody in this family has ever even been on a plane before, so they aren't likely to use them for anything in the future. They wouldn't even begin to know how to get around NYC or what to do (he had assured them that he would explain everything they need to know to them ).

ETA: The filing costs for Justice Court are only $50.

 

[dakcp2001]

I dont think you are going to like my opinion, but well, you asked. I think the mother went WAY overboard if this daughter is college aged. How old is she, high school or older? The reason this kid doesnt want to go to the dance with her daughter is because of her. It was crazy to turn a dance invitation into a family vacation, it makes it weird and awkard for him. If I were him, I would RUN away from this family. What kid would not be horrified that his date has to bring along her family? The ONLY way this would be understood is if the girl is really young and still in high school. Then I would understrand why her mom would invite herself along.

I in NO WAY think he is liable for the 1000 bucks. He asked a girl to a dance, and offered to pay for the room. The mother decided to invite herself and other child along.

Calling West Point would be ridiculous. I am certain they will understand why he changed his mind after the date decided to take along her whole family. The school will just think the mom is a crazy person.

Now comes the take lemons and make lemonade part, go to NYC and see a show or have a good time. You wanted a family vacation, now you got one.

 

[dalt01]

I don't know what Justice Court is--sorry.

there is a system in AZ called justice court, but i do not know where OP is from...........even so i cannot imagine you can call in and get a conviction over the phone or by punching a situation in on the web...i mean the other party has to state their case, yes?........anyway........drop it. first of all its their prob.............and a grand is a pretty cheap life lesson.

 

[dislaney]

I agree with most of the people that have already posted. I would be angry but also happy that I found out his character now. I would just take the weekend trip and enjoy my family. Trying to go after him for the money or getting West Point involved in a personal situation to me would show more about your character. When life gives you lemons make lemonade.

 

[robinb]

I would drop the whole thing and enjoy the weekend in NYC as a family.

 

[jen0610]

That's some real fine officer material right there.

And for the person who thought buying airfare for just a dance is bizarre, this is a very elite school and the honor (that you should have while attend there) and chance to attend one of it functions as a guest is a once in a lifetime occurance for many people. If my DD had an chance to attend one of their functions, either with a serious boyfriend or someone she was a close friend to, I would let her jump all over that chance.

Like I said first, he's a shining example of real fine officer material. Would I want my DS or DD serving under someone who should have grown up quite a lot by the sophmore year at West Point, but is still acting like a punk kid - that would be a big hell NO!!

Honor is a VERY BIG thing with West Point. Flat out, he is not acting with honor in any way shape or form and that is something that his superiors at West Point would like to know, so that they can address it.