Curbing the family drama

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

Hi Everyone!
I am patiently waiting for my e-ring...which will probably be in the next year sometime. So, I as I am patiently waiting I'm taking it upon myself to de-drama the families as best I can...

Here is my plan so far-let me know what you think...

To start with my parents are game for the wedding to be at Disney
I am sure BFs mother and brother & girlfriend (do I have to invite her???) will be fine with it.
the problems are going to be with his sister and her hubby. More with his sister-her hubby will go anywhere and doesn't really care about the cost. Let me preface this with saying that they both have good jobs and can afford to do disney. However last time we went, we invited them to go with us-they wouldn't b/c they wanted to buy a house. We made it a point to call them during all sorts of cool things like fireworks, in the monorail, etc. Well, now they have bought a house and honestly, I am sure we are going to get the same run around come I Do time.

With that said, I have taken these measures to curb the issues.
1. I made them a "Disney Fund Bucket" the Xmas after our 2006 trip. Whether they use it or not, I don't know. The know it is for their Disney trip but I don't think they know that we want to get married there.

2. I have decided that for Xmas, birthdays and anniversaries they will get Disney dollars. They aren't the type to shop at the Disney Store so we won't have to worry about them spending them prior to the trip.

Does anyone else have any ideas on how to curb his sisters not wanting to spend the money drama....Like I mentioned, I have plenty of time to get things in order. I just want to de-dramatize this as much as possible.

Let me know your thoughts
Thanks
P&P

 

[DigitalLove]

Hiya

Urm... I really don't mean to sound harsh or blunt... but if I were you then I wouldn't do anything at all. If they don't want to come, then they don't want to come which, as sad as it is for you and your DF, is their perogative. TBH, I would be a bit peeved if I felt like pressure was being put upon me to attend a place I had no interest in going to... maybe its just me being ungrateful, but if someone started buying me gifts that is for THEIR benefit, then i'd probably tell them not to buy me anything at all. It would be different if the sole reason they couldn't go was because they couldn't afford it, but you say that they are not short of cash....It might just not be 'their cup of tea' so to speak and they just have different priorities on what they want to spend their cash on.

Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh... I just wanted to put the flip side of the coin across

Christina

 

[B2B-2008]

My brother and his wife are anti disney and because I knew this I am paying for their weeks holiday to make sure they come to the wedding. But they haven't saved any money for the trip and every-time I suggest what passes they need they say they will think about it. This did upset me as I am really excited about our holiday together and the wedding day and they are not.

As DigitalLove says you can't force people to like things. And through my own experiences I am having at the moment it may be better for you if they do stay at home.

 

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

Thanks for the insight...The thing is that they want to go. His sister is always saying how their parents never took her as a kid and she feels left out. When we went in 2006 they wanted to go and then got all practical. Her husband was ready to shell out the $ but she put a stop to it. I don't think we will have a problem with them wanting to go...It's her not wanting to part with the cash to go (as stated-cash isn't an issue for them)

Oh well either way-we will get married there with or with out them. I just prefer with. In short, in the end, I am just going to write it off as not my problem. Fair enough?

 

[B2B-2008]

Sometimes you do just have to say its not your problem. I'm finding myself saying that more and more, if I didn't I think some of the planning would push me over the edge.

You never know they may surprise you if money isn't an issue.

I vowed that I would never visit Africa but I soon jumped on a plane there for my brothers wedding. So there is hope

 

[tomthebarncat]

A good friend of mine got married on a Carnival cruise ship. I know that I would not like or enjoy a cruise especially on that line. I have no desire to be held captive with 3,000 other folks and a bunch of ill mannered children, with crappy food and mindless chatter. I politely declined, she got her feelings hurt. She went and got married with less than a 1/3 of the people that she invited,many passed for the same reasons that you stated, new house, cash crunch, don't like (fill in the blank). Ironically, she had never cruised before and when she returned you told me that I was right that she hated everything about it. I asked her why she got married on a cruise ship in the first place??? evidently her boyfriend had cruised once before and thought it would be cool to get married on one. Go figure! traditionally destination weddings are costly and many people are just not interested in going for a variety of reasons. Live with it and have the wedding of your dreams but just remember that it is your dream and may not be the dreams of others

 

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

Love the theory that my dream isn't someone elses thanks tomthebarnyardcat!

We'll see what happens.

 

[lpizzuro123]

11

 

[Disneychix]

Or you could ask her to be a bridesmaid and then she'd be forced to go!

Obviously joking! I got married in WDW and also had a reception at home. Many family members and friends were out of towners for both places and had to choose which they wanted to attend. My DH's brother only chose the reception so he could visit people in our hometown and many relatives chose WDW to have a little vacation and missed the reception.

Everything will fall into place. Don't worry about things like that now and don't get stressed about something you have no control over. Either they'll come or not. You'll be there!

 

[GlobalDiva]

Hey P&P,

I have to agree with the first reply to your dilemma, but for a few additional reasons.

First of all, why are you paying for people to attend your wedding, even if they are relatives (this is essentially what you would be doing by giving them Disney Dollars, paying them to come to your wedding)? Don't get me wrong, my fiance and I will be helping with hotel costs for our immediate families, but what you are describing is completely different. Aren't you spending enough on your own wedding, and on beginning a new life with your DF? Your wedding finances don't need to be spread that thin.

It's insensitive of your future sister-in-law to be this way, but really, the ball is in their court. You are inviting them, and that is really enough. When the time for your wedding comes, if they didn't lift a finger to attend, if they didn't think that you and your DF were important enough to warrant making the journey in order to see you guys commit to each other, that can be on their own consciences, so why trouble yourself to such great lengths?

Your wedding will be beautiful, fun, memorable and special, so neither you nor your DF should be begging ANYONE--and that includes relatives--to attend.

Best Wishes!!!

Marilise and Val
**Wedding Pavilion**Grand Floridian**2009**

 

[PrincessBride07]

What does your bf thing about this? I know that DH would have probably killed me if I had started getting everyone on board for a wedding at Disney if we hadn't announced an engagement yet. I am not trying to be mean. I just know my own experiences. DH and I had talked about getting married for a long time (talking years), but it took 4 years for us to get engaged followed by another 2 to get married. I just don't want to see anyone get their hopes up to get engaged, start planning the stuff, and it not happen when they think it will.

Otherwise, I agree with what the other girls say about forcing Disney on them, or paying for their vacation. Their will be family drama no matter what you try to do. The people that love you will be there on your special day. If they choose not to, it is their loss then. Keep us posted on everything and best of luck to you.