could the reception be canceled because of someone else?!!!!

[maywedding]

Hi guys i really need help to put my mind at ease!!!

I am a UK bride and we are travelling over NEXT WEEK for our DFTW. I have some canadian family travelling down and i am very grateful of their support dont get me wrong but im really hoping that the actions of one of them will not get us ejected from or reception at the Napa room in the California Grill!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There will be 16 of us in total, 8 adults of legal drinking age, 2 kids, 1 baby, 2 photographers and 1 19 year old. Now i have asked her parents, my canadian aunt and uncle to please not let her drink as the legal drinking age is 21 and i really do not want any reason to cast a shadow over the celebrations but they have told me that she will be very unhappy and may even cancel her trip!!!!!!!!!!! i explained that this will not be a mad traditional drunken wedding and that we must respect the laws of the country but what happens if she is slipped a drink? could we be removed and the whole thing cancelled? now im beginning to feel sick with nerves!!!!

and its not an option either to just let her cancel the trip as my aunt and uncle may then too and that would mean 4 people down now!!!!

What do i do? what can i do if anything?

any feedback would be appreciated guys

thanks

 

[lurkyloo]

Disney refuses to serve alcohol to anyone under 21, and they check IDs. No cast member is going to slip her a drink.

Is the concern that she will get hammered and ruin your reception, or that one of the guests will give her a drink and Disney Secret Agents will leap out of the woodwork to eject her from your party? Because nobody is going to be there policing your event to make sure guests aren't serving other guests drinks...

Now if you're worried that your other guests are going to enable her to get disastrously drunk drunk, well, it may be time for an intervention... or at least a serious talk!

I say, don't fret about this. I know it seems like there are a million things to worry about this close to the wedding, but this is not one of them.

 

[maywedding]

Disney refuses to serve alcohol to anyone under 21, and they check IDs. No cast member is going to slip her a drink.

Is the concern that she will get hammered and ruin your reception, or that one of the guests will give her a drink and Disney Secret Agents will leap out of the woodwork to eject her from your party? Because nobody is going to be there policing your event to make sure guests aren't serving other guests drinks...

Now if you're worried that your other guests are going to enable her to get disastrously drunk drunk, well, it may be time for an intervention... or at least a serious talk!

I say, don't fret about this. I know it seems like there are a million things to worry about this close to the wedding, but this is not one of them.

Lurkyloo!!!!!!!!! Thanks so much for reassuring me. im not going to fret about this. im too exausted to for a start and secondly i have emailed my aunt and explained the situation so she can deal with it. i was worried about the secret police! and im glad they do id everyone.

thanks again!

 

[lurkyloo]

Hang in there! (the DIS needs a branch-hanging kitten icon...)

 

[maywedding]

Hang in there! (the DIS needs a branch-hanging kitten icon...)

hahah yes it does!!!!

 

[ConnieB]

Lurkyloo!!!!!!!!! Thanks so much for reassuring me. im not going to fret about this. im too exausted to for a start and secondly i have emailed my aunt and explained the situation so she can deal with it. i was worried about the secret police! and im glad they do id everyone.

thanks again!

CMs will ID everyone buying alcohol, so your niece will not get booze from them....however, there is always the chance that your aunt/uncle or other relatives will decide to buy her drinks, or hand her theirs. You should let them know that this is ILLEGAL and Disney can call the police and have anyone providing alcohol to a minor arrested. And Florida is one of those states that takes underage drinking laws quite seriously. So...you might be sure that they're aware that it's not something to play around with....and that it IS a big deal as far as the local police are concerned. YOU, as the hostess of the party however cannot get into any legal trouble so long as it wasn't YOU that gave the alcohol to the minor.

Now, granted, it's a tough law to prove unless someone is stupid enough to admit to the police that they gave the teen booze, but you don't have to tell your aunt that....let her think that you might just be the one to turn them in, lol.

If it were me...I'd be the one kicking them out of the park if I caught the teen with even a hint of alcohol on her breath or trying to ruin my big day! And make dern sure they knew that well ahead of time. Sneaking booze in or sneaking it to the teen would be cause to be ceremoniously dumped from my wedding reception!

Have a wonderful wedding!

 

[RealLittleMermaid]

You really won't need to worry. I was a CM and we were told to ID anyone who looked younger than 30. That is so intense that she would not go because she couldn't drink. If it were me, she would not longer be invited.

 

[rosworms]

Maybe you could even let your planner know your concerns so that she can do two things:
make sure the staff knows to keep an eye on any secret passing of drinks
and reassure you that you personally will not be in any trouble if something happens.

 

[pixie921]

That is so intense that she would not go because she couldn't drink. If it were me, she would not longer be invited.

Yeah ... I can't even wrap my brain around that. Not being able to DRINK would keep her from attending her cousin's wedding? Those are sort of whacked priorities.

And I agree about her no longer being invited, and I say that from experience. 20 years ago when we got married and were having a dry wedding, my dh's uncle insisted he was going to be bring in his own booze and drinking. He was promptly uninvited.

 

[CanadianBelle]

Hi guys i really need help to put my mind at ease!!!

I am a UK bride and we are travelling over NEXT WEEK for our DFTW. I have some canadian family travelling down and i am very grateful of their support dont get me wrong but im really hoping that the actions of one of them will not get us ejected from or reception at the Napa room in the California Grill!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There will be 16 of us in total, 8 adults of legal drinking age, 2 kids, 1 baby, 2 photographers and 1 19 year old. Now i have asked her parents, my canadian aunt and uncle to please not let her drink as the legal drinking age is 21 and i really do not want any reason to cast a shadow over the celebrations but they have told me that she will be very unhappy and may even cancel her trip!!!!!!!!!!! i explained that this will not be a mad traditional drunken wedding and that we must respect the laws of the country but what happens if she is slipped a drink? could we be removed and the whole thing cancelled? now im beginning to feel sick with nerves!!!!

and its not an option either to just let her cancel the trip as my aunt and uncle may then too and that would mean 4 people down now!!!!

What do i do? what can i do if anything?

any feedback would be appreciated guys

thanks

I'm in sort of a similar situation so I feel your pain (though no one has threatened not to come).
I'm from Canada and the legal drinking age varies from 18-19 depending on which province you're in (and you can also have a drink with your parents at age 16), and we will also be having df's relatives coming from England where its even younger. A large portion of both our relatives will be siblings and cousins who have been legally able to drink at home for over two (or four with their parents) years in some cases.
My mom keeps insisting that it won't be a big deal if she slips my 20 year old brother a drink "He's your brother, he has to be a part of the toast!"
I would suggest talking to your cousin directly, not your aunt and uncle, as she is an adult and likely won't be convinced with her parents telling her what do to. Who knows, she might be more understanding than your aunt. When I told my brother than they are diligent about checking id's and that its unlikely he'd get any alcohol unnoticed, he understood. Its just my mom who has big problems.
Don't fret about it. It may seem stressful now but little things are bound to happen and if you let them all get to you, you're going to be stressed on your wedding bay.
hth

 

[ConnieB]

I'm in sort of a similar situation so I feel your pain (though no one has threatened not to come).
I'm from Canada and the legal drinking age varies from 18-19 depending on which province you're in (and you can also have a drink with your parents at age 16), and we will also be having df's relatives coming from England where its even younger. A large portion of both our relatives will be siblings and cousins who have been legally able to drink at home for over two (or four with their parents) years in some cases.
My mom keeps insisting that it won't be a big deal if she slips my 20 year old brother a drink "He's your brother, he has to be a part of the toast!"
I would suggest talking to your cousin directly, not your aunt and uncle, as she is an adult and likely won't be convinced with her parents telling her what do to. Who knows, she might be more understanding than your aunt. When I told my brother than they are diligent about checking id's and that its unlikely he'd get any alcohol unnoticed, he understood. Its just my mom who has big problems.
Don't fret about it. It may seem stressful now but little things are bound to happen and if you let them all get to you, you're going to be stressed on your wedding bay.
hth

I would simply make sure that there was non-alcoholic drinks available for the non-drinkers (of age or not) and tell those under 21 that alcohol was not an option. Talk with the caterer/restaurant and ask if they have anything available that is simliar in color/bubbly like champagne, or whatever you're serving. Around here, Sparkling Cider is used and until you get your nose near it you can really be hard pressed to tell the difference in just a glance. If the caterer/resturant doesn't offer something like that, find out if you can bring it in. The brands we have used (Martinelli's is probably the most well known, but Welch's also make some as well as others) all have twist off caps so there should not be a corking fee. If you're serving wine, there are many non-alcoholic wines on the market that look and smell like booze, but don't contain alcohol.

And again, I'd tell Mom that slipping that 20 year old brother some alcohol has the potential to land her in jail. So she'll do so at her own risk, but remind her that you'll be gone on your honeymoon so she'll need to find someone else to bail her out (and that bail money is not figured into your budget, lol).

Seriously...the things that strikes me in reading these is how insistent these young people are that they MUST have alcohol. That's a bit scary to me. I understand the "I'm not a little kid" aspect, but heavens, to be willing to break the law and possibily cause any kind of scene at a wedding is just unthinkable. I'd be sure to remind them that this is YOUR day and if they care so much about you that they "have to toast" I would hope that they also care enough to NOT make a scene.

Ok, I'm obviously old, because back when I got married (in 1983) the big complaint from the groomsmen wasn't about alcohol...it was about having to wear pink, lavender, pale blue or yellow cumberbuns, lol.

If it's really and truly going to be a big deal, and in the case of OP it sounds like it's definitely a potential with someone coming who's goal is to get drunkenly drunk I might be inclined to say "this is my wedding and you're not going to ruin even a second of it for me" and then serve ONLY non-alcoholic beverages. Cheaper, no potential for problems....and no chance that I'd overdo and mess up the honeymoon! Then spend the savings on a lovely "day after the wedding" dinner for you and your husband and drink a bottle of ridiculously expensive chamagne to celebrate your life together. Or...remember, this is a WEDDING.....concentrate just as hard on the MARRIAGE and you'll be happy forever.

 

[tinkerbell 766]

I'm in sort of a similar situation so I feel your pain (though no one has threatened not to come).
I'm from Canada and the legal drinking age varies from 18-19 depending on which province you're in (and you can also have a drink with your parents at age 16), and we will also be having df's relatives coming from England where its even younger. A large portion of both our relatives will be siblings and cousins who have been legally able to drink at home for over two (or four with their parents) years in some cases.
My mom keeps insisting that it won't be a big deal if she slips my 20 year old brother a drink "He's your brother, he has to be a part of the toast!"
I would suggest talking to your cousin directly, not your aunt and uncle, as she is an adult and likely won't be convinced with her parents telling her what do to. Who knows, she might be more understanding than your aunt. When I told my brother than they are diligent about checking id's and that its unlikely he'd get any alcohol unnoticed, he understood. Its just my mom who has big problems.
Don't fret about it. It may seem stressful now but little things are bound to happen and if you let them all get to you, you're going to be stressed on your wedding bay.
hth

The legal age to drink in England is 18 too!!!

Maywedding sweetie - My VR is the same day as your wedding (Hi - hope all the last minute things are going well!!) and my DS will be 21 two weeks after our VR takes place. He has been legally able to drink here for nearly three years and it will seem strange to him that he will not even be allowed a glass of champagne!! That said, he was fine about it and said 'No worries Mum, I'll just have the n0n-alcoholic cider to toast and then make do with pop'. I do think your cousin is being selfish and a little immature (clearly not mature enough to handle alcohol responsibly!!) and she should be told that she either sticks to the laws of her host country or she will not be welcome at your wedding.
I really wish we had a 21 minimum age to drink in the UK. In my job, I see all too often the damage alcohol does to lives (particularly young lives).

 

[maywedding]

Thanks so much to you all for replying !!!! I cant tell you how much support i feel i am getting at the mo from my fellow disbrides!!!!!!

I have decided that yes there is nothing more i can do: i have sent emails to my aunt - her mum - stating the implications of her daughter consuming drink so i have an email trace on them in case i would ever have to demonstrate that i did my utmost and my cousin is also one of the people listed at only being able to drink non alcoholic beverages.

It really shocked me that my aunt said that her daughter may be so upset that she may not even come as my aunt is a MINISTER!!!!!! and i would have thought she would have wanted to respect the law. What i am not prepared to do is let one snotty teenager dictact to how i should have my wedding so there will be alcohol for the adults and soft drinks for the minors. I will discuss it if it is brought up but i have let them now the consequences and i can not make ppl do things.

thanks again guys!!!!!!

 

[maywedding]

The legal age to drink in England is 18 too!!!

Maywedding sweetie - My VR is the same day as your wedding (Hi - hope all the last minute things are going well!!) and my DS will be 21 two weeks after our VR takes place. He has been legally able to drink here for nearly three years and it will seem strange to him that he will not even be allowed a glass of champagne!! That said, he was fine about it and said 'No worries Mum, I'll just have the n0n-alcoholic cider to toast and then make do with pop'. I do think your cousin is being selfish and a little immature (clearly not mature enough to handle alcohol responsibly!!) and she should be told that she either sticks to the laws of her host country or she will not be welcome at your wedding.
I really wish we had a 21 minimum age to drink in the UK. In my job, I see all too often the damage alcohol does to lives (particularly young lives).

thanks!!!! yes we are slowely getting there, just have to make sure all paperwork is printed and put in a folder but thanks so much for ur support!!!! we may bump into each other!!!!!

steph

 

[LittleMissMagic]

Honestly, I don't think it is a good idea to tell Disney to keep a watch on the 19-year-old. That will draw more attention to the fact that there might be some law-breaking going on. If she looks of age, as long as she is not buying at the bar, it is unlikely that anyone will ID her. And if they do ID her, they will simply refuse to serve her alcoholic beverages. Now, I don't suggest that you tell her or her parents that. Let them think that they are really strict about alcohol. But don't worry about your wedding reception being busted by the popo... if anything, Disney will probably quietly ask her and her family to leave so that they can discuss this in a private manner.

As for drinking period, parents are allowed to give their own children alcohol in the privacy of their own home. So if she's a raging alcoholic (I sure hope not!), then her parents can slip her some alcohol in the privacy of their hotel room....