Confession

[CALIFLADY]

Okay, I just HAVE to tell someone this. I feel so accountable and there's really no one else to tell around here (living by yourself in Japan is like that!)

A colleague from my company is working in China right now. We used to have offices right beside each other when we worked together in Texas. Well, he's coming to Japan this week on business and emailed me to see if we could get together for dinner one night while he's here. I haven't seen him in over two years. Since I left Texas, I've put on 40 pounds! Argghhhhh!

So (and I can't believe I did this) I came up with a lame excuse that I'm busy every night that he's here, so I won't be able to see him. Can you believe I did that!?! Here we are, half way around the world, and I tell him I'm too busy to see him! Now, mind you, he'll be back to Japan later this year and he'll ask the same thing again. I just couldn't face him with this much weight on me. Don't get me wrong, he's happily married - it's nothing like that. I'm just so embarrassed to face an old co-worker looking like I do. Boy, if his next trip to Japan isn't motivation for me to get this weight off, I don't know what is!

Whew! Boy, I feel better. Thanks for letting me dump here. You guys/gals are a great confidant. I've been feeling so dumb about this whole thing. Thanks for listening (and helping me clear part of my "guilt").

Downward for me this fall!

 

[LisaTx]

I'm glad that you'll have his next trip as an incentive to lose the weight.

That being said, you shouldn't feel bad about yourself because you gained weight. You are the same person inside that you've always been. If someone is bothered by the fact that you're a bit heavier, then they are a very shallow person.

 

[Beanie]

I agree with Lisa, you shouldn't feel bad about gaining the weight...If he has a problem with it then he is not really a friend, right? That is a great goal to work for though since you can't avoid him the next time he is here! You can do it, I just know you can!

Hugs!

 

[DoeWDW]

{{ Hugs }} to you!! It's awful when we feel we have to tell these little white lies. They just tear us up inside. I'm glad you have the WISH board to confide in - that's what we're here for!!

I think the thought of this dinner for you might be like the thought of exercise for me. I dread starting it. I just KNOW I don't want to do it. But if I push myself to just start, I feel SO much better and I realize it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Is it possible that you'd dread getting ready for the dinner but once you were there, you'd have a good time and have a friendly familiar face to talk to when you're halfway round the world? It might also be possible that he's dreading those evenings alone in a strange place and would really like to see a friendly face also? I don't think he asked you to meet for dinner so he could judge your appearance - I think he just wanted to say hi to someone he remembers as a friendly and nice person.

Maybe you should rethink your decision and free up one of those nights. I think you'll feel great about it after it's over.

 

[Kabuli1]

Call him back! I almost did the same thing. Last summer I almost passed up the chance to see an old friend - (it had been since college - 26 or so years) because I weighed, well, 60-70 lbs more than the skinny stick I was waaaay back then! Ok, so I was way overweight. But I don't remember what changed my mind - but I realized that I was more important than my weight to my friends and family. Anyway it was such a wonderful time and tho I look at the pictures from that visit and cringe at my weight - I am so thankful I overcame my fears and was able to spend time w/ my friend. Oh, yes, this friend is also a happily married MALE! AND he is another of my great support team for this journey!

You are so far from friends and family that you really need to see your friend! Call him back! Face your fears! Just think, when he sees you next time he will be so impressed with your progress!

Karyn

 

[JustMe28]

Don't feel bad. I think most of us have been in situations similar to yours. I just passed up my 10 year class reunion because of my weight. So, I can totally relate to you.

 

[goofy4wdw59]

Hello Califlady! I agree with DoeWDW and Kabuli1--can you call your co-worker back and get together for a dinner?
I know it's easy for me to say this--I'm not the one that has to do it. I've avoided many functions due to my weight, etc. It could be that by not avoiding the meeting, it will make you stronger. You accept what is and change it for the next time you see this person & others. (Boy, do I need to stick with my own advice )
You sound like a strong person. Do whatever works out the best for you and know you are not alone!

 

[nativetxn]

Can you set a date to meet him on his next trip, now? That would be wonderful incentive for you to continue your new and healthy lifestyle

 

[ibouncetoo]

Have dinner with your friend.......please don't put your life on hold because you may feel embarrassed. We aren't guaranteed any tomorrows.
(Hope that doesn't sound too fatalistic, just trying to say "Seize the day")

 

[CALIFLADY]

This isn't about him. It's about me. It's about how I feel about myself. I could care less how he judges me or measures my worth. It's about how I feel about myself. I know this is shallow, but I just couldn't face it right now.

I won't be changing my mind this time. I'll see when he comes back how I feel. In the meantime, I'll use it as great motivation to keep my downward trend.

Thanks for letting me confide here.

 

[DoeWDW]

{{ Hugs }} to you! It sounds like you've made the right choice for you at this time. I just know that by the next opportunity you'll be feeling better about the whole thing and you'll really enjoy a nice dinner with good company.

Take good care of yourself and you'll be ready for the next opportunity!!

 

[MKbound]

hugs to you in this difficult moment. I know exactly how you feel, as I have passed up any number of opportunities to go out and socialize as a result of my weight. I am basically a happy and social individual, and yet I isolate myself and choose to stay at home rather than face the depression of getting dressed for an evening out. Its so much easier to sit at home in my sweats and t-shirt and not have to face the world. Its one of the things that has made me absolutely determined to finally make the changes necessary to lose the weight now. I also know that it really isn't about the people we would meet judging us. its about how we feel when we are meeting them (inferior, ugly, fat, etc). How much easier not to even have to think about all those negative emotions by just choosing not to put ourselves out there. It has really come home to me lately just how much of life I am missing out on by sitting around the house with my nose in a good book or watching the TV. I used to pretend to myself that there is really nothing i would rather be doing than reading that book or watching that show. Now I knowit for the lie that it is. I've just been hiding. It will probably be a little while before I overcome this destructive habit. The negative emotions surrounding my weight are just to ingrained right now. But at least now I am aware of it (instead of continuing to lie to myself). Now I actually think about what I am missing, and I acknowledge the real reason I turn down the invitations to get out there. You know what they say, admitting the problem is the first step. Anyway, as I stay on my program and slowly (oh so slowly) start to lose the weight, I am hoping to force myself out into public view. I think this will help keep me motivated as I take those baby steps. I can only offer my empathy for your situation with your friends visit. I don't have any answers. But hopefully kowing there are others out there who feel the same way that you do will help. Good luck in reaching your goals! Next time he comes in to town you'll be ready!

Jennifer