competency and elderly advice

[Val]

My dear MIL is in the hospital with pnemonia. She is visiting from the west coast, and has been in the hospital for 5 days. It is obvious to us that she can no longer manage her house, or her financial affairs, but she is VERY resistant to take any help. Her doctors here want to discharge her to an intermediate care facility for about a month....after that is unknown. She has "renamed " me, is confused, but at times is lucid. Has anyone on the DIS boards had experience gaining power of attorney or dealing with elderly parents in a situation like this? My DH is a an only child, and we are at our wits end. Help?

 

[Arabella Figg 2003]

You can only get a power of attonrey if your MIL willingly gives it. You will need her to sign a notarized document. All things considered, make sure it's what's called a "durable power" -- one that will remain in effect even after she becomes legally incompetent to manage her own affairs.

If she won't grant one to your dh, you have to go to court and prove that she's incompetent. You will need medical and/or psychiatric testimony to establish that she no longer is competent to manage her financial affairs. If you can establish that to the court's satisfaction, your dh will be appointed guardian/fiduciary. He may have to post a bond or other security to protect MIL's assets.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

My heart goes out to you. I inherited my 91 year old grandmother when my mom died suddenly. The lawyer said we had to go twice to get the power of attorney. She was lucid and the lawyer said it had to be done this way as to create the groundwork to show that I did not influence her in any way. THe first meeting was informational for everyone involved. He said in case any relatives challenged the estate in the future. I took care of her for 15 months but when she could not walk anymore I put her in the nursing home and visited her every day. There are long waits for assisted living and nursing homes around here. Praise God we lucked out because they told us serveral residents just had passed away from colds, flu etc. and normally there would be no room. When your mother in law is lucid your husband should speak to her, not threatening but matter of factly. You sure do have alot on your plate. I am sure you would want her close to you if he is an only child. You should look at options of assisted living, paying for in home care etc. You need to find a trustworthy and competent care taker. We also had problems with fil. DH is also an only child. We begged him to stop driving and take senior citizens bus or taxi. It ended up the state took away his liscence because he got in so many accidents. With her financial matters, does she not pay bills timely or at all, bounce checks etc. Does she go to a house of worship where you could trust someone to look after her etc. What resources are available in her home state? I know our friends mom lived in a group home situation with other elderly people in california. You would also have to deal with moving etc. from across the country etc. Prayers and pixie dust. Keep us informed.