Communal Dining w/Autistic Child on Cruise

[Lindana]

We're going on a 7 day cruise abord the Fantasy at the end of March. There are 3 of us, me, DH, and our 6 y.o. daughter, who is autistic. This will be our second cruise; DD loved the first cruise and is looking forward to going again. However, on our first cruise, my mom and my MIL both went with us. This meant that in the main dining room, we had a table just for our group (most tables seat 6).

Since there are only 3 of us this time, we'll probably be with another family. While DD is verbal and high-functioning, her social skills (and table manners) are not at the level of a neurotypical 6 y.o. She may or may not want to converse with other kids; sometimes she's chatty, sometimes indifferent. She tends to want to use her fingers to eat (we're working on this).

What, if anything, should I tell our table mates? On the one hand, I don't like to go around anouncing that DD is autistic, but during the course of a week, she'll probably show some less-than-ideal behavior, and knowing she's autistic might help them understand.

 

[momofkids]

Honestly, you don't owe them any explanations. I am sure the other diners will realize the situation. I would hold off on saying anything unless a situation presents itself that makes disclosure the best option.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

There is nothing wrong in contacting DCL in advance and asking that you be assigned a table by yourselves. Just give the information you gave in your post above.

 

[Kellykins1218]

Honestly, you don't owe them any explanations. I am sure the other diners will realize the situation. I would hold off on saying anything unless a situation presents itself that makes disclosure the best option.

Sorry, but I totally disagree. We have 3 autistic kids and there's no way I wouldn't inform our table mates that my children are special needs. I would never assume that someone unfamiliar would "realize" the situation. My kids look like typical kids but do not always act (or sound) like typicals and I firmly believe that other people assigned to sit with us deserve the courtesy of knowing what's going on. On our 1st cruise, when we just had our non-autistic son, we were seated with a wonderful couple and their adopted autistic son. This was way before autism was as talked about as it is now, and they explained all about him to us the first night. It made us much more comfortable knowing why he was talking to his hand and humming the whole time we sat there

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

Sorry, but I totally disagree. We have 3 autistic kids and there's no way I wouldn't inform our table mates that my children are special needs. I would never assume that someone unfamiliar would "realize" the situation. My kids look like typical kids but do not always act (or sound) like typicals and I firmly believe that other people assigned to sit with us deserve the courtesy of knowing what's going on. On our 1st cruise, when we just had our non-autistic son, we were seated with a wonderful couple and their adopted autistic son. This was way before autism was as talked about as it is now, and they explained all about him to us the first night. It made us much more comfortable knowing why he was talking to his hand and humming the whole time we sat there

Absolutely agree. Even if your table mates understand the situation, they may want to eat at another table.

 

[lanejudy]

DCL has 4-top, 6-top and 8-top tables. I would call DCL and request to be seated with just your family. It is only a request, but they do try to honor requests. Once onboard, go to the dining requests area (it might be D-Lounge but I'm not certain on the Fantasy) and double-check; they may be able to make an adjustment there if it wasn't done before boarding.

That is, if a table for your family alone would be your preference. If not, you are likely to be put at a table with another family whose children are similar ages to your DD. We had a terrific experience - and how DCL knew to put us with this other family I'll never know. We are a family of 3, DD has developmental delays and has an IEP at school (DCL knew none of this) and the other family had 3 kids and one was the same age as DD and also has delays and similar IEP services.

Enjoy your cruise!

 

[Schmeck]

We're going on a 7 day cruise abord the Fantasy at the end of March. There are 3 of us, me, DH, and our 6 y.o. daughter, who is autistic. This will be our second cruise; DD loved the first cruise and is looking forward to going again. However, on our first cruise, my mom and my MIL both went with us. This meant that in the main dining room, we had a table just for our group (most tables seat 6).

Since there are only 3 of us this time, we'll probably be with another family. While DD is verbal and high-functioning, her social skills (and table manners) are not at the level of a neurotypical 6 y.o. She may or may not want to converse with other kids; sometimes she's chatty, sometimes indifferent. She tends to want to use her fingers to eat (we're working on this).

What, if anything, should I tell our table mates? On the one hand, I don't like to go around anouncing that DD is autistic, but during the course of a week, she'll probably show some less-than-ideal behavior, and knowing she's autistic might help them understand.

I think that's a wonderful attitude, to be concerned about your dinner mates. Courtesy works better when it goes both ways, IMO.

Does your daughter know she has been diagnosed with autism? I'm thinking it may be hard to explain to your dinner mates without your daughter listening in? I've noticed that kids with autism seem to hear all the private conversations going on around them, even when they are oblivious to the conversation a person is directing at them! If she knows, or you are comfortable with her listening in, I say just explain that she has autism, and that dining skills are a work in progress.

 

[bookwormde]

I would talk with DCL, and find something that works for your family. It can be fun to let DCL know if you would be comfortable with another special needs family. Our kids have such an interesting preception and curiosity.

 

[Lindana]

I think that's a wonderful attitude, to be concerned about your dinner mates. Courtesy works better when it goes both ways, IMO.

Does your daughter know she has been diagnosed with autism? I'm thinking it may be hard to explain to your dinner mates without your daughter listening in? I've noticed that kids with autism seem to hear all the private conversations going on around them, even when they are oblivious to the conversation a person is directing at them! If she knows, or you are comfortable with her listening in, I say just explain that she has autism, and that dining skills are a work in progress.

This is a good point. I'm not sure we've ever explicitly told her she has autism, snd what that means. Heck, it can be hard enough to explain it to adults who have some idea. I'm sure she's heard the term, because as you noted, she tends to hear everything.

 

[dmccarty]

One of our kids friends has two autistic brothers. One is a brother by birth and the other brother was adopted. Somehow, the mother has time to get a PhD with three young boys.

Its not real hard to tell the two boys with autism are different. Though the adopted brother seems to be far less, for lack of a better word, sensitive.

To tell the others at the table or not? I would play it by ear and see what happens as well as how the other people react. Personally, most things would not bother me or my family except maybe screaming and loud talking but that usually is from adults.

If the other group has children, an explanation may be more in order because children are opt to say something that might embarrass your DD. Having never been on a cruise, seven days, I am jealous!, if the table is assigned to the same people for every sitting then an explanation at the start might be the best thing for everyone.

Later,
Dan

 

[Bete]

This is a tough one.

I think I would go with safe. And to me safe would be to try and get a table for 4 without a single joining you. Call DCL and see what they can do and what they say about it.

If you need or want to join up with others then I think I would prepare some business cards describing in brief what the issues are with your daughter and then be prepared to hand them off to the parties at be; so, they can read them. That way your daughter doesn't get hurt in the process and you can prepare those who may be joining you. You can even use these cards for neighboring tables if the need arises.

I think you are lucky you've been on a cruise already; this should help some.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

The nice thing about DCL is that you're assigned the same table number for every meal. Even when you rotate to another restaurant, you'll have the same number and same sized table. I would definitely ask to be seated with just your family. There will be a designated time and place for dining questions/changes on the first day of the cruise. Definitely go and inquire about your arrangements. If you're seated at a table for four, confirm that it will be just your family.

My DS17 has Asperger's and doesn't like eating or conversing with new people. It's something we need to work on with him, but I don't think it's fair to subject other people to his anxiety and reactions when they're on vacation! It makes it easier for us and our fellow passengers to request a table for our family alone. Last summer we did "Anytime Dining" on a Carnival cruise. We always requested not to be seated with other diners and it was never a problem. He did end up meeting and talking to a few kids his age in the teen club and that was a good experience for him.

 

[buffettgirl]

We're going on a 7 day cruise abord the Fantasy at the end of March. There are 3 of us, me, DH, and our 6 y.o. daughter, who is autistic. This will be our second cruise; DD loved the first cruise and is looking forward to going again. However, on our first cruise, my mom and my MIL both went with us. This meant that in the main dining room, we had a table just for our group (most tables seat 6).

Since there are only 3 of us this time, we'll probably be with another family. While DD is verbal and high-functioning, her social skills (and table manners) are not at the level of a neurotypical 6 y.o. She may or may not want to converse with other kids; sometimes she's chatty, sometimes indifferent. She tends to want to use her fingers to eat (we're working on this).

What, if anything, should I tell our table mates? On the one hand, I don't like to go around anouncing that DD is autistic, but during the course of a week, she'll probably show some less-than-ideal behavior, and knowing she's autistic might help them understand.

Are those the only concerns? If it's just that, I'm not sure anyone would even notice. I probably wouldn't even blink an eye if a 6 year old wasn't interested in chatting with strangers, so if you were sitting at my table, it wouldn't even cross my mind.

But, I'd ask for your own table if it helps. I have reached a point with my son's medical issues that I don't even care what people think anymore. It's not my job to educate the world. You know? (and then I fluctuate and want to over share...)

 

[danicaw]

I had to read your description of your DD to my hubby, because it sounds SOOO much like our DS

He will be 10 when we cruise next and we have been going back and forth trying to decide if we are going to request our own table or not.
We also have a DD6 who is VERY social.... so its a tough choice to make.
If we could get his table manners a bit more.... well, if eating was tidy we would go for tablemates. He can be very chatty and social once he gets comfortable. But he is, shall we say a tactile eater He is improving, but we have family that struggle with it, so I am sure it could make strangers uncomfortable.
I am leaning towards requesting our own table, since the cruise itself will present new challenges for him each day - but my hubby is against it
DS is very excited about the cruise!

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

I agree with the PP who recommended you contact DCL and request a private table.

It is probably exhausting for your daughter to try and be "normal" (for lack of a better term) at dinner. Especially after a day full of activities on the cruise. It is her vacation too, and she would probably rather be allowed to eat in peace than worry about the funny looks from tablemates or being reminded of what she shouldn't be doing.

That said, if you don't get your own table, I see no problems with you telling your tablemates that your daughter is autistic so that they understand why she is doing certain things. Maybe you can take DD to the restroom while your spouse tells the table, so you don't have to worry about DD hearing the conversation.

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

Just two weeks ago I was having breakfast at the BCV and seated next to me was a family with an autistic child and it did not bother me one bit. Everyone is entitled to take a family vacation no matter what the disability is. I hope that you have a wonderful cruise and that if you have to be seated with a family I hope they too are understanding.

 

[Schmeck]

Just two weeks ago I was having breakfast at the BCV and seated next to me was a family with an autistic child and it did not bother me one bit. Everyone is entitled to take a family vacation no matter what the disability is. I hope that you have a wonderful cruise and that if you have to be seated with a family I hope they too are understanding.

Depends on "flying food" for me - I've worked with a few students with eating challenges, and the only table issue that would put me over the edge would be if the child was a food-thrower or plate-shover. Nothing like being on vacation and having a handful of pre-chewed lasagna tossed onto your plate...

If the child in question is not aggressive with food frustrations, then I think most families with children of a similar age would be understanding of the situation, especially if there was a lead-in explanation. Now, an older generation (and I'm thinking of my 73 yr old mother) may not be as tolerant, and I'd be a bit leery.

 

[stitchlovestink]

The nice thing about DCL is that you're assigned the same table number for every meal. Even when you rotate to another restaurant, you'll have the same number and same sized table. I would definitely ask to be seated with just your family. There will be a designated time and place for dining questions/changes on the first day of the cruise. Definitely go and inquire about your arrangements. If you're seated at a table for four, confirm that it will be just your family.

My DS17 has Asperger's and doesn't like eating or conversing with new people. It's something we need to work on with him, but I don't think it's fair to subject other people to his anxiety and reactions when they're on vacation! It makes it easier for us and our fellow passengers to request a table for our family alone. Last summer we did "Anytime Dining" on a Carnival cruise. We always requested not to be seated with other diners and it was never a problem. He did end up meeting and talking to a few kids his age in the teen club and that was a good experience for him.

I agree with this totally! I think dinnertime should be as stress free as possible. There are other opportunities for interactions with other kids, it doesn't need to be at the 'dinner' table, IMO. Trust me those dinners can be very long events...1 1/2 hrs! We've done 4 disney cruises.

I had to read your description of your DD to my hubby, because it sounds SOOO much like our DS

He will be 10 when we cruise next and we have been going back and forth trying to decide if we are going to request our own table or not.
We also have a DD6 who is VERY social.... so its a tough choice to make.
If we could get his table manners a bit more.... well, if eating was tidy we would go for tablemates. He can be very chatty and social once he gets comfortable. But he is, shall we say a tactile eater He is improving, but we have family that struggle with it, so I am sure it could make strangers uncomfortable.
I am leaning towards requesting our own table, since the cruise itself will present new challenges for him each day - but my hubby is against it
DS is very excited about the cruise!

Yes, but it is someone else's vacation too! Is that fair to them? Is it fair to make them feel uncomfortable enough that they feel the need to request alternate dining arrangements? We ask for a specific server. I would be rather annoyed if I lost our favorite server because I was made to feel uncomfortable by other tablemates and felt the need to move. That's not really fair when you know the circumstances. I think you are being considerate but your husband is not... He is concerned only about your vacation and not how it could impact another family's vacation. That's being selfish...

 

[JKSWonder]

I have taken 3 cruises with my ASD son and have called DCL prior to each cruise, asked for a table to ourselves and my reasons why. We are a family of four. The request was granted all three times and I plan to ask again next summer.

This might be a good option for you if you have concerns about being seated with others. DS is a great little kid and usually great in restaurants, but I really did not want to upset any other cruisers if he ended up having the rare extremely off day that sometimes happens. And I didn't want DS to be upset either.