College kid going back to campus

[samandryanmom]

Dd19 has off campus apartment at her college that's 3.5 hours from our home. She's home for this week but plans to go back this weekend. My husband and I are encouraging her to stay home a few more weeks to see if things with the virus calm down some. All her classes are now online and her on campus job was stopped. She's adamant that she's heading back this week. Her grandfather thinks we should forbid her to return right now as we pay all the bills but we realize she's 19 and an adult even though not self supporting. The area she's going back to is a larger city with more cases but realisically I don't know that she'd be safer here than in her apartment. Her reasoning is that she'll be more focused going back instead of staying home.

What would you guys do?

 

[pryncess527]

I’m not generally in favor of forbidding 19-year-olds from doing things but I am going to call BS on her excuse about focusing. Does she not have her own room at your house? Seems highly unlikely that she is better able to focus in a larger location presumably where friends might be around. I mean maybe, but seems like the kind of thing I would have pulled.

But you know her, we don’t — Do you think she’ll really stay in her apartment and study if she goes back?

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

I call shenanigans on her reasoning. Unless you guys are bugging her when she is trying to study there is no reason she need to leave. I bet her friends being there is the draw.

 

[barkley]

no advice except to let her know it's not going to be what she's used to. we live near several universities, and dd still lives in a complex that's popular with the university students (she graduated 2 years ago). the complexes are largely vacant except for those who have local jobs still in existence. the stores that cater to the college kids have either shut down or have greatly depleted stock. the university itself is on lock down so being in proximity does no good-it's all phone/computer contact. it's a ghost town and that was the case BEFORE we got the order to stay home from the state.

i guess i will pass on some advice-if i were paying for everything it would come down to dollars and cents. it's less expensive to just pay rent for the place vs. utilities/internet/groceries/cleaning products...let alone having to deal with any emergencies when she's 3 1/2 hours away. even with on-line classes there's a chance her education may take a semester or a year longer than all of you originally anticipated/budgeted for so what you are able to save money wise now can help offset that.

 

[samandryanmom]

Definitely being closer to her friends is a factor. And she's been away for close to two years. It's hard to move back home. She's very focused on school but enjoys social time too!! Although hopefully she will abide by the social distancing.

She has her own room and I don't think we bother her but at 19, I think all kids think parents are always intrusive!! Lol!!

We just want her to be safe and there are so many unknowns!

 

[mnrose]

My daughter is a sophomore at a college 3 hours from us. She went back and remains at her off campus apartment. She is 20, and has not lived "at home" (except for brief break periods of less than 2 weeks) since she graduated from high school almost 2 years ago. She has been living entirely on her own, and does a great job of adulting (I pay for her apartment and food so I do "support" her in that way). Her reason for doing so is that she feels "most comfortable" and "less anxious" when she's in her familiar surroundings. It's hard for me to disagree. I also think back to when I was her age, and there's NO WAY I wanted to live in my parent's house at that age. She calls me to talk twice a day. She's doing fine. And, honestly, since her dad MUST work every day, she's probably at higher risk of being exposed HERE than there. There is excellent medical care in her area (very close to Mayo Clinic). Her roommate works what was a part time job, and has been converted to a more full time job during this whole thing. They have each other as a backstop. (and, for the record, the vast majority of her "friends" are no longer in her college town...she's very sad about that). I say you know your kid best. Forcing the issue isn't going to work well IMO.

 

[pryncess527]

Definitely being closer to her friends is a factor. And she's been away for close to two years. It's hard to move back home. She's very focused on school but enjoys social time too!! Although hopefully she will abide by the social distancing.

She has her own room and I don't think we bother her but at 19, I think all kids think parents are always intrusive!! Lol!!

We just want her to be safe and there are so many unknowns!

that’s fair. It’s hard form me to imagine how hard this would be, but yeah, once I moved from dorm to apt there was no going back to moms house long term

 

[mjkacmom]

Ds21 went back to his college house after break, 4 other guys are living there. His internship is now work from home, and very close to his house. He knows he can’t come back. He’s a senior and his lease at another apartment starts in May, and he starts his new job then. He was never supposed to come back.

 

[Southernmiss]

My 2 stayed at their off campus apartments. Getting close to the end of the semester with a rush of assignments and tests.

Their apartments are where they've studied the last several years. They've got their room set up for studying and are comfortable there.

They're following social distancing rules and are truly studying. Coming home now would mess up their mojo and take some getting used to.

No point in rocking the boat this close to the end of the semester.

And the corona cases are lower where they are than here.

 

[BuckeyeBama]

I have a 20 year old son. I would tell him that he was free to do as he chose, but he could not come home again until after this was over if he decided to return to campus. My wife is very much an at risk person and I would not risk her life so my son could go back and hang with his friends at college.

 

[TeresaBelle]

My DD21 went back to her apartment in her small college town last week. It’s 2.5 hours away. The internet in our rural area is not good enough for her to complete her classes online here. She’s hunkering down and taking all safety precautions. I’d hope when/if your DD gets back she’ll see that it’s definitely a ghost town and stay in and stay safe.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I have a 20 year old son. I would tell him that he was free to do as he chose, but he could not come home again until after this was over if he decided to return to campus. My wife is very much an at risk person and I would not risk her life so my son could go back and hang with his friends at college.

What will happen if he gets very sick?

 

[dish rag]

I would let her go back. Life needs to move on. But if you don’t want her to and you are supporting her, then I would stop the support if she goes.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I had to think about this. I think I would do what's best for our family, looking at the big picture in these unprecedented times.

Btw, op, you should add a poll to the OP

 

[dish rag]

What will happen if he gets very sick?

Lays in bed for a few days or a week until he gets better.

 

[desertgirl]

My 21-year-old daughter lives in an apartment off campus about three hours away. Earlier this week when our state went on "shelter at home/but not really calling it that" we told her it was time to come back. Her job at the student union doesn't exist right now and we didn't want any of her savings going to pay for food. She needs to hold onto every dime. We asked our cousin with whom she is close (and is single with an extra bedroom) if she could stay there until fall, and that seems to be going well. It gives her a bit more independence than having to come back home to mommy. It was such a hard decision, but she is handling it with maturity and grace.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Lays in bed for a few days or a week until he gets better.

No, I mean very sick. But perhaps not sick enough to be hospitalized.

 

[kdonnel]

My daughter is at her college apartment now. She is only an hour away though. She is isolating with her roommates. I think she is much better off there then at home miserable and making us miserable because she is away from her friends.

 

[Colleen27]

If my daughter (18) had an option to be back at school, I'd let her in a hot minute. Even with her own room with a desk and dedicated laptop docking station, and everyone on lockdown so there's no pressure to visit Grandma or meet friends for coffee, being home is still a disruption to her routines and home is a place full of distractions that she's having a hard time managing. It takes a lot more self-discipline to keep up with her classes here than at school where studying and attending class are the basis of most of her socialization. We were really anxious to have her home when this whole thing started, but that was mostly related to the crazy uncertainty - she goes to school in the Bay Area and came home just after the lockdown order went into effect, and at that point the dorms were open for a few more days but campus food service was limited, restaurants were ordered to close, police were harassing kids walking to the grocery together for being in groups, she couldn't get an Uber to the post office to ship stuff home, etc. If she'd had an apartment that she could have stocked with groceries and truly sheltered in place, I think her preference would have been to stay and we'd have let her.

Besides, our internet access is NOT up to the task of having 4 or 5 people home all day, in a no-cable household. With both girls doing online schooling, me trying to keep up at least some small semblance of work, DS gaming and DH streaming TV, the speed is dismal and the overall load in our area has been causing something like brown-outs on the connection, two of which have so far coincided with classes she's required to attend in real time via Zoom.

 

[BuckeyeBama]

What will happen if he gets very sick?

Exactly. What would happen? Whatever happened, it wouldn't be allowed to endanger my wife, his mother.

These are serious times, and require carefully considered decisions.