College freshman bringing home

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by java, Dec 4, 2012.

  1. java

    java <font color=darkorchid>I am embracing the Turkey B

    Jan 18, 2005
    His girlfriend for Christmas break. I don't think she will be here on Christmas as her family is heading to Disney! How great is that.

    He is going to a school that is 75% male to female ratio, and somehow he found a. Disney loving girl!

    Now the big question. I know the my house my rules thing. Should I lay down the you can't sleep together in my house(we have other kids in the house) :confused3 I am not sure how strongly I feel about it.
  2. pigletgirl

    pigletgirl Mama to my Minnie Mouse lovin' girl!

    Jun 11, 2006
    Your home = your rules!
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  4. RitaE

    RitaE DIS Veteran

    May 29, 2008
    Well, I think you need to decide how you feel about it.

    My rule was always "If and when you develop a sex life you leave me out of it. It doesn't happen anywhere or anytime where me or anybody else in the family is made uncomfortable by it."

    I did back off of that recently with my oldest son. He's into his twenties and has been living with the girl for over a year and I went ahead and put them in the same bedroom the last time they were here for the night. It's not like we're crawling with spare bedrooms around here and to be honest -- it was easier.

    Oddly enough, I was really okay about it but my husband wasn't happy.
  5. Caseheidi

    Caseheidi DIS Veteran

    Aug 28, 2012
    First, has he asked if they can share a room? I wouldn't look for the issue before it arrives. I would work on the assumption of separate beds until he brings it up.

    Personally, with younger children and his age, I would stick with the house rules. I believe it really comes down to your beliefs. If you are uncomfortable with them sharing a bed, then ask them to respect your wishes.
  6. java

    java <font color=darkorchid>I am embracing the Turkey B

    Jan 18, 2005
    Yes he brought it up. I think I feel like my Mother right now.
  7. minkydog

    minkydog DIS Cast Member

    Dec 8, 2004
    My older two kids are 7 years apart, so while DS was in his late teens and 20s, his younger sister was in middle school. I never even had to have *that* conversation--DS knew better than to expect he could bring girlfriends for pajama parties. There was no reason to expose my younger kids to that stuff.

    I'm not a prude and it doesn't bother me that my adult kids have a sex life. I just don't want to have it in my house, in the bedroom adjacent to mine. I might feel differently if they had a long time GF or BF, but that is not the case.
  8. mamacatnv

    mamacatnv That be a Mum Y'all - a Texas Mum

    Nov 7, 2005
    Oh boy, thats a tough one and one that I know my opinion has changed on as DS has gotten older BUT I agree with my house = my rules

    When DS was a Freshman, he lived in a dorm, he had a full time GF whom he was having sex with, heck, I was paying for her birth control. However, no way would I have let them shack up in my house.

    Now, DS is 23, and getting ready to graduate. He lives on his own and supports himself mostly. He does not have a GF at the moment but if he did, I would not condone it unless they were in a committed relationship, formally living together, sharing expenses etc. Most college Freshman are not to this point.

    I think its wonderful you are welcoming her into your home and I do think it is fair to say she is welcome but needs to be in another room. I think personally its a respect issue
  9. Disney  Doll

    Disney Doll DIS Security Matron

    Nov 5, 2000
    College freshman, so I'm guessing 18 years old.

    He asked if his girlfriend could share his room?

    Why didn't you just say no then, and avoid the issue?

    And frankly, if I was the girl I'd be very uncomfortable sleeping in my boyfriend's bedroom in his parents' (who I just met) house.
  10. DisneyNutMary

    DisneyNutMary DIS Veteran

    Jan 20, 2003
    Just make plans for where she will sleep before they arrive, then show or tell her the plans when she arrives. Your pre-planning should make your feelings clear. I doubt your DS would want to fight with his mom in front of his girl. What guy wants his gf to see him get reprimanded by mom?
  11. sookie

    sookie DIS Veteran

    Jun 21, 2010
    You can ask him, but chances are he isn't even wanting to do that - do you know your kid, and does he even WANT that?

    What kind of kid is he? Does he push things like this? What kind of girl is she? You know your kid.
  12. BeachGirlFLA

    BeachGirlFLA DIS Veteran

    Apr 28, 2009
    For me, part of the decision would be based on how old the other kids are.
  13. donac

    donac Wife, mother, math teacher, quilter

    Aug 22, 2002
    We had this problem this summer. Ds1 and his gf are getting ready to move in but they have not made the move. We told them that they couldn't share a bed while we were all on vacation. If he wanted to he would have to get his own room. He didn't want to do that since we were staying at BLT with TPV

    Our house our rules until they move in together or get engaged.

    We did talk to ds1 before the trip so he knew what to expect.
  14. westjones

    westjones DIS Veteran

    Mar 11, 2002
    I am interested in how people handle this. I do not like this 'young adult' stage. My DD has a wonderful BF and they think they are going to marry one day (but a lot can happen, they are only 19) and I am not comfortable with this, but I am curious what other families are doing.
  15. okeydokey

    okeydokey Frosty the Snowman scared me as a child.

    Aug 9, 2006
    Because of the younger siblings in the house, I would tell them separate rooms. It's only for a few nights, they can handle it.
  16. SpecialK

    SpecialK DIS Veteran

    Nov 6, 2003
    Same here.
  17. Acklander

    Acklander DIS Veteran

    Sep 14, 2004
    I know I'm in the minority here, but I didn't have a problem with my adult son sharing a room with his girlfriend when they visited. I think he was about 19 the first time the issue came up.
    Around the end of 17/beginning of 18 we started to slowly shift our relationship from one of we're the parents, do as I say to one where we were letting him make his own decisions/choices and we were there for guidance if needed.
    That being said, both dh and I have no problem at all with cohabitating couples, or think that there is anything abnormal about 18 and 19 year olds being involved in a sexual relationship without the benefit of marriage. So, being that we didnt have a moral objection, it wasn't that big of a deal.
  18. ilovepcot

    ilovepcot <font color=purple>Caused the first ever Tag Fairy

    Jan 26, 2004
    18 seems a bit young to me to share this private situation with family...especially younger siblings. Can't help but wonder if the girlfriend doesn't have some reservations over her boyfriend's family being privy to their sleeping arrangements. :confused3
  19. mhsjax

    mhsjax DIS Veteran

    Mar 3, 2006
    I would not allow it. I would never allow it. No ring= no sleeping together in my house.
  20. Cantw8

    Cantw8 DIS Veteran

    Jun 25, 2002
    Seriously, even if you put them in seperate know some hanky-panky is going to be going on. Personally, I would treat him as an adult and allow them to share a room and hopefully they will behave as adults..discrete adults :rolleyes1
  21. Minnesota!

    Minnesota! Shoeless in Minnesota

    Sep 15, 1999
    I would allow them to share a room. It's how i was raised, and it's how I will raise my kids. I figure if he is serious enough about her to bring her home, that's good enough for me...

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