CNN ASKS PUBLICS HELP IN FINDING NEW STORY
Search Intensifies as Sweeps Period Approaches
CNN, the 24-hour cable news service, made a rare appeal to the public this morning to help find a new story that will enable the network to interrupt its dreary regular program with ratings-grabbing breaking news alert.
We are asking the public for any leads, tips or other assistance to locate a new story or individuals who might lead us to a new story, said CNN spokesman Sandy Bolton.
To aid in their effort to find a new story, CNN is setting up a 24-hour tip line, 1-800-RATINGS, that members of the public can call with any information that might lead to a new story.
The network added that the public should especially be on the lookout for a story that would enable CNN to eat up gobs of airtime with experts speculating meaninglessly about the story.
With the all-important November sweeps period approaching, CNN executives were said to be on edge, but CNN spokesman Bolton insisted that the network was making progress in finding a new story and urged the public to remain calm and not change the channel.
We have every expectation that we will locate the person or persons who will give us a new story in time for sweeps, Ms. Bolton told reporters.
But CNNs search for a new story received a minor setback this morning as a call to their 24-hour tip line turned out to be a false lead.
The call, which alerted CNN to the state of the U.S. economy as a possible new story, was later traced to the office of Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle.
*****Borowitz Reports*****
Search Intensifies as Sweeps Period Approaches
CNN, the 24-hour cable news service, made a rare appeal to the public this morning to help find a new story that will enable the network to interrupt its dreary regular program with ratings-grabbing breaking news alert.
We are asking the public for any leads, tips or other assistance to locate a new story or individuals who might lead us to a new story, said CNN spokesman Sandy Bolton.
To aid in their effort to find a new story, CNN is setting up a 24-hour tip line, 1-800-RATINGS, that members of the public can call with any information that might lead to a new story.
The network added that the public should especially be on the lookout for a story that would enable CNN to eat up gobs of airtime with experts speculating meaninglessly about the story.
With the all-important November sweeps period approaching, CNN executives were said to be on edge, but CNN spokesman Bolton insisted that the network was making progress in finding a new story and urged the public to remain calm and not change the channel.
We have every expectation that we will locate the person or persons who will give us a new story in time for sweeps, Ms. Bolton told reporters.
But CNNs search for a new story received a minor setback this morning as a call to their 24-hour tip line turned out to be a false lead.
The call, which alerted CNN to the state of the U.S. economy as a possible new story, was later traced to the office of Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle.
*****Borowitz Reports*****
