Can someone help a 14 year old that has a crush on an 17-18 year old?
- Thread starter Azure
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Dan Murphy
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Azure said:
Azure,
I can sympathize with you, the crush on an older boy can be so exhilarating yet painful at the same time.
Just keep your head in the clouds, but your feet on the ground - meaning it is okay to daydream about him, but remember he is 4 years older and that is a lot of time at your age.
I also had a crush on an older boy - mine was 5 years difference. I am thankful that we were neighborhood friends, hung out and had a lot of fun, but nothing romantic. When I turned 19, we confessed our crushes and ended up dating for a while and I know I could still call him up 20 years later and he would be there for me.
That is so much more important in life - pursuing him at 14 would have been a mistake, and I would have been hurt when he dated girls his own age. But to crush on him from afar was an experience I wouldn't change
Be nice, be funny, be a friend...just don't expect 'romance' - at least not for a few years.
Good luck!
A single tear will drop from my eye when he's gone
Miranda Danda
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ktpool said:Azure,
I can sympathize with you, the crush on an older boy can be so exhilarating yet painful at the same time.
Just keep your head in the clouds, but your feet on the ground - meaning it is okay to daydream about him, but remember he is 4 years older and that is a lot of time at your age.
I also had a crush on an older boy - mine was 5 years difference. I am thankful that we were neighborhood friends, hung out and had a lot of fun, but nothing romantic. When I turned 19, we confessed our crushes and ended up dating for a while and I know I could still call him up 20 years later and he would be there for me.
That is so much more important in life - pursuing him at 14 would have been a mistake, and I would have been hurt when he dated girls his own age. But to crush on him from afar was an experience I wouldn't change
Be nice, be funny, be a friend...just don't expect 'romance' - at least not for a few years.
Good luck!
I agree completely. I know a lot of girls who had "major crushes" or were "in love" at that age, but now they laugh about it and we have some good jokes about it. I am not going to say you can't have those feelings at that age. Crushes are WAY normal at that age, but romance may be a mistake. You will mature A LOT in the next few years and this will just be a learning experience for you.
Just be yourself and enjoy your age. 
Davids-Coco
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I will be the odd one out. My husband and I have just celebrated 10 years of being together. I am 24 and he is 27. We are high school sweethearts who began dating his senior/my freshman year of high school. It is unusual, but not unheard of.
That said, if for some reason, you step up on this crush and expect it to last... expect it to be harder than you can even imagine. Don't wait around for each other per say. DH went to college out of state and we saw eachother one weekend a month and on breaks for four years. I just happened to chose a college in our home town. It was not easy but I wouldn't give up our time together for anything. We have both canged a lot during that time and it is important to know that it will happen one way or another. We were fortunate that our changes pointed us in the same direction.
Good luck. You are still young though and there will be tons of other guys. You are brought "the one" when you are ready for him.
That said, if for some reason, you step up on this crush and expect it to last... expect it to be harder than you can even imagine. Don't wait around for each other per say. DH went to college out of state and we saw eachother one weekend a month and on breaks for four years. I just happened to chose a college in our home town. It was not easy but I wouldn't give up our time together for anything. We have both canged a lot during that time and it is important to know that it will happen one way or another. We were fortunate that our changes pointed us in the same direction.
Good luck. You are still young though and there will be tons of other guys. You are brought "the one" when you are ready for him.
diznygirl
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He could just be wondering why you are always looking at him..... 
Just remember that there is a lot more life ahead of you - if you consider the fact that most people don't meet the one for them until they are in college, and don't get married until they are in their late twenties - you've got another 10-12 years to go!
I remember having crushes waaaaay back when I was a young 'un - I had volleyball class with one and his locker was near mine - I wrote poems about how I felt for english class - sorry to say but I don't even remember his name anymore!!!
That's how it can be, so try to keep perspective.
Just remember that there is a lot more life ahead of you - if you consider the fact that most people don't meet the one for them until they are in college, and don't get married until they are in their late twenties - you've got another 10-12 years to go!
I remember having crushes waaaaay back when I was a young 'un - I had volleyball class with one and his locker was near mine - I wrote poems about how I felt for english class - sorry to say but I don't even remember his name anymore!!!
That's how it can be, so try to keep perspective.
if any type of "dating" relationship between a 14 year old and 17/18 year old is going to occur (and i'm not say i agree with it-in my opinion there is too much difference between these age cateogories) there has to be immense maturity in both, and full awareness of what they are up against (even if they have the full support of their families-which is RARE in these types of relationships). once a boy turns 18 involvement with a minor enters a whole new realm. sexualy itimacy (not even talking about full blown intercourse) can be viewed/prosecuted as contributing to the delinquincy of a minor. there are also curfews that apply to minors that adults are not held to-so there are events/parties/concerts that may be out of limit for dating opportunities. other over 18 year old friends may be hesitant to include the underage girl friend for fear of legal entanglements, so unless the boy is willing to hang out with a younger crowd (and guard against any issues that may come up there by virtue of their adult status) it make for a difficult time socialy.
to be honest, the only relationships of this type that i've known to succeed were those where there had been a long standing friendship (either at school, church or through family) for years and there was a very clear set of ground rules for dating. sadly, i've known of others wherein one in particular both families were supportive until a rift between the girl and the boy-and then a family "friend" made a call to local authorities who while they aknowledged that the relationship was consentual and sanctioned by the parents had to prosecute for statutory rape and contributing to the delinquincy of a minor-leaving an upstanding, "good guy" with convicted sex offender status.
if my daughter were to be interested in an adult while she was a minor i would counsel her to wait until she became an adult.
to be honest, the only relationships of this type that i've known to succeed were those where there had been a long standing friendship (either at school, church or through family) for years and there was a very clear set of ground rules for dating. sadly, i've known of others wherein one in particular both families were supportive until a rift between the girl and the boy-and then a family "friend" made a call to local authorities who while they aknowledged that the relationship was consentual and sanctioned by the parents had to prosecute for statutory rape and contributing to the delinquincy of a minor-leaving an upstanding, "good guy" with convicted sex offender status.
if my daughter were to be interested in an adult while she was a minor i would counsel her to wait until she became an adult.
Stephanie218
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My friend started dating a boy 4 years older than she was when she was 14 and he had just graduated HS at 18. She was going to be a freshman in HS. She broke up with him finally a few months ago and is still dealing with issues from the relationship (controlling, jealousy that occurred partly because of the age difference, and because he was so easily able to control her.)
On the other hand, my cousin is married to a man she began dating around the same age with the same age difference. It all depends on the people involved I guess, so we can't really tell you exactly what to do.
On the other hand, my cousin is married to a man she began dating around the same age with the same age difference. It all depends on the people involved I guess, so we can't really tell you exactly what to do.
horseshowmom
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My DD met a very nice boy when she was 14, and he was 18. He was with an adult friend of ours who used to shoe our horses, so they actually met in our yard. While she noticed him, and he noticed her, there was too much difference in their ages. He had just finished high school and was getting ready for community college, but she was only in the 9th grade (and she didn't date at that age). (His mother later commented that he had mentioned her when he got home that day and said how much he wished she were older.)
Fast forward 3 years, she was 17, and he was 21. After running into each other again several times (he worked part-time where we bought some of our animal supplies), he asked her out. Since we knew the family, and he had an excellent reputation, she said yes. They dated for a year and a half and seemed to be well matched. Most people would probably consider them boring. They spend their weekends at rodeos (he team ropes) or horse shows (she shows and runs speed events) or at home on our couch watching TV (which is where they were most of the time).
But, after a year and a half, he was 22 heading into 23 while she was only 18 going on 19. He was finishing college while she was just getting started. He was starting to want to talk seriously about planning a wedding in a year or two, but she knew she had a lot of college to get through (6 years in her case). They had other issues that they saw differently.
It broke both of their hearts when they broke up (along with the families). While I didn't think so when they were dating, now I lean toward thinking that the age difference may have played a role in their situation (maybe not).
I asked my DD what to tell you. She said that at 14 and 18, you need to let it go. He really is too old for you.
While I know that probably isn't the advice you want, it's probably the best thing for you. Good luck and remember that there will be a lot of guys in your future (although I know that's hard to think about right now).
Fast forward 3 years, she was 17, and he was 21. After running into each other again several times (he worked part-time where we bought some of our animal supplies), he asked her out. Since we knew the family, and he had an excellent reputation, she said yes. They dated for a year and a half and seemed to be well matched. Most people would probably consider them boring. They spend their weekends at rodeos (he team ropes) or horse shows (she shows and runs speed events) or at home on our couch watching TV (which is where they were most of the time).
But, after a year and a half, he was 22 heading into 23 while she was only 18 going on 19. He was finishing college while she was just getting started. He was starting to want to talk seriously about planning a wedding in a year or two, but she knew she had a lot of college to get through (6 years in her case). They had other issues that they saw differently.
It broke both of their hearts when they broke up (along with the families). While I didn't think so when they were dating, now I lean toward thinking that the age difference may have played a role in their situation (maybe not).
I asked my DD what to tell you. She said that at 14 and 18, you need to let it go. He really is too old for you.
While I know that probably isn't the advice you want, it's probably the best thing for you. Good luck and remember that there will be a lot of guys in your future (although I know that's hard to think about right now).
FreshTressa
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I would wait for him to make a move. It is okay to smile at him, but I would not profess my feelings unless he moved first.
I think it is fine to date someone older, as long as you keep your head on your shoulders. I dated quite a few seniors my freshman year.
Good luck!!
I think it is fine to date someone older, as long as you keep your head on your shoulders. I dated quite a few seniors my freshman year.
Good luck!!
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