First off a hug to you...
My friends who have a adult child on the spectrum. She is higher functioning.
Right before Covid hit, they wanted to sit down with their other children, and their spouses... Which apparently did not go so well... She said that it was a huge disappointment... That they refused to sit down or even come to the house... So over zoom her and DH talked to them about their wishes, and such and how they are to split the care of her DD on the spectrum. To which they said No, we are not taking care of her, you will have to find some other avenue for her care but its not us... Apparently things got very heated, and their other children just got everything off their chest... and alot of pain and anger came to light from their childhood to present day... To which she doesn't understand why they resent their sister so much..
Then she found out, that for the last 10 years, that they (meaning the other kids and families) all get together for holiday's, and other celebrations all the time... all the while telling them that they can't make it this year, or whatever reason.
She said that her oldest son got mad because she (the grandmother) took away a toy and gave the daughter on the spectrum one of the little kids toys ( 3 years old) who started crying and went and told her dad...to which her son took it back from the sister on the spectrum, and they left...all of them left... and she said they were being childish, and that they know that their sister has special needs and the all the grandkids need to understand that, and get use to giving her what she wants...
Since the Zoom call, Their other children have broken off all contact with them...