Bridal shower etiquette?

[*JoGo*]

my brother is getting married. they're having a very small wedding/reception (25- 35 people).

do you only invite people to the bridal shower if they are ALSO invited to the wedding?


i don't want to be rude by excluding people, but also do not want people to think we're rude for taking their gifts but not inviting them to the wedding. it's not a destination wedding. that'd make this easier!

 

[MariDisney]

my brother is getting married. they're having a very small wedding/reception (25- 35 people).

do you only invite people to the bridal shower if they are ALSO invited to the wedding?


i don't want to be rude by excluding people, but also do not want people to think we're rude for taking their gifts but not inviting them to the wedding. it's not a destination wedding. that'd make this easier!

Around here, only people invited to the wedding are invited to the shower. If they aren't invited to the wedding they aren't invited to the shower. It seems rude to take someone's gift at a shower (which really is for the puposes of giving gifts) and not invite them to the actual celebration/event.
The exception is when people at places of employment throw a shower at work for someone.

 

[NotUrsula]

No, don't invite them to a shower if they will not be invited to the wedding -- it looks like they are only wanted for their gifts.

Also, technically, family members should not host showers to which non-family guests will be invited.

 

[arminnie]

Do not invite non-wedding guests to a shower. But it is perfectly acceptable to invite them to a party in the couple's honor -dinner,lunch,tea, etc. Just do not call it a shower. Make it a non-present event and you are fine.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Personally, I think it's rude to invite people to the shower and not to the wedding. That happened to me once and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

However, this situation is different. I'd have to think about it more. I'm not sure right now how I feel about it.

 

[*JoGo*]

thanks! i had assumed that was the proper thing to do.

i'm worrying about people being upset they aren't invited to his wedding. or to her shower. he's the family favorite and he's been through a LOT of bad stuff, not that he's brought upon himself, and i'm anticipating hurt feelings from family wanting to share a happy occasion with him. i worry too much!!

 

[Liberty Belle]

thanks! i had assumed that was the proper thing to do.

i'm worrying about people being upset they aren't invited to his wedding. or to her shower. he's the family favorite and he's been through a LOT of bad stuff, not that he's brought upon himself, and i'm anticipating hurt feelings from family wanting to share a happy occasion with him. i worry too much!!

Maybe you could suggest to your brother a small party for those close friends and family members who cannot make the wedding.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

thanks! i had assumed that was the proper thing to do.

i'm worrying about people being upset they aren't invited to his wedding. or to her shower. he's the family favorite and he's been through a LOT of bad stuff, not that he's brought upon himself, and i'm anticipating hurt feelings from family wanting to share a happy occasion with him. i worry too much!!

Sounds like people are going to be hurt. You just have to accept that and move on.

Don't invite people to a shower that are not invited to the wedding. That is like pouring salt into it.

 

[shortbun]

Get the list of who's to be invited from the bride. If it's a small family wedding, some friends who can not be invited would still want to come/contribute to a shower. I had a family only wedding and my girlfriends gave me a personal shower. We had a blast!! A couple of them crashed the wedding which was fine with us, we were pretty much rule breakers all around, lol. Our wedding, our rules. You can do whatever you want as long as everyone knows the score. Why all the angst? Just say, 'it's going to be a private wedding but we'd love to have you come to the shower if you can.' People who love your brother will not judge. If they do-that's on them. All this fuss over 'the rules' should be put aside; have fun, celebrate your brother and his bride!!!

 

[tlbwriter]

do not want people to think we're rude for taking their gifts but not inviting them to the wedding.

And they would think that, and they'd be right - it's rude. What about having a second, less formal reception for those who weren't invited to the wedding? As someone else said, just make sure it's not a gift-giving event.

 

[Ember]

Only guests invited to the wedding should be asked to attend the shower. If it's just a celebration you could have BBQ, a tea, or a dinner to celebrate their upcoming marriage with people both invited and not invited. But if it's specifically a gift giving event, then only wedding guests. Otherwise it looks like a gift grab.

 

[Scurvy]

Only guests invited to the wedding should be asked to attend the shower. If it's just a celebration you could have BBQ, a tea, or a dinner to celebrate their upcoming marriage with people both invited and not invited. But if it's specifically a gift giving event, then only wedding guests. Otherwise it looks like a gift grab.

Definitely this. If you just want people to feel included and to help celebrate, then there are all sorts of parties you could throw. You could even have a dinner (or family reunion/picnic/game party/BBQ/whatever) sometime after the wedding instead of before - just something so everyone to get together, but not a wedding related event. Just don't have anything like a shower that carries the expectation of gifts and you should be fine.

 

[okeydokey]

So rude to invite folks to the shower and not the wedding. I would be so hurt to get a shower invite, assume a wedding invitation was on the way and then not receive one. Total gift grab. If people know that it's a small wedding and still want to get a gift for your brother and his new wife, then they will.

 

[fitzy819]

I would say that only the people invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower. That is how I have the bridal showers that I have attended have worked.

If they wanted to include more people that weren't invited to a wedding your brother could have a second reception/party that could include a larger number of people, similar to what people do when they get back if they have had a destination wedding. I have been to a reception like this before to a couple that eloped and it was tons of fun.

 

[DebbieB]

The only time I've seen people invited to the shower and not the wedding is coworkers. We've had office showers for coworkers and not invited to the wedding.