Breaking off a friendship: how?

[Clio]

One of my closest friends is also my boss. At work she doesn't treat me any differently than any of the rest of my co-workers. Outside of work we are equals. She wasn't always my boss I was in another department that she inheritted when things got restructured at work. It took a little while for us to work things out but we did. I would never want to lose her friendship just because she was my boss.
Liz

 

[bumbershoot]

Oh gosh, this is nothing! You're still friends, just not actively while at work.

 

[disykat]

I'm not sure where people are getting that she is angry or jealous? If that was the case, your friendship outside of work would have suffered.

I agree with those that say she is protecting you from the negative stuff overly close associations at work can bring at times.

Keep your friendship at home as strong as ever and avoid too much fraternization at work. Since you still eat lunch together and you're upset that you're not spending as much time together at work - I'm guessing you spent A LOT of time together. I agree with your friend that now that you are at differnent "levels" that much closeness during actual worktime could backfire on you.

 

[kellyg403]

I actually think that your friend is being really smart and I don't really see a reason for you to break up the friendship over it.

It is very difficult to be friends/co workers. You have to learn to put on your 'professional' hat at work and then once you cross the doors back to a personal relationship. It is easier for some than others. Sounds like your friend is doing her best to respect you and your new position without putting you in an awkward situation because of your friendship. It sounds like to me she is STILL your bf. She sounds like she wants both of you to succeed.

I work with a lot of younger people. It seems like I have the conversation a hundred times a week, what goes on in your personal drama is yours, what goes on at work is work. Separating the two ALWAYS makes life a lot easier IMHO!

Kelly

 

[Imzadi]

I agree with everyone who said it's wise for your friend to keep a professional distance at work.

If a husband & wife team worked together and one of them got promoted, wouldn't you think it was best if they acted professionally distant at work?

How about if a son or daughter came in on the job, working directly under the parent (and not at a job which the parent owns the company.) Wouldn't you want them to act professional at work. The parent not show favoritism to the child, nor the child show an expectation of being any more special than the co-workers?

Why would your friendship with your friend operate any differently?

I think your BF may be the one who needs to be self-defense mode here. Her co-workers may have alluded or expect that she may get special favors now. You got promoted. It's clear your boss liked your work enough to do that. Your BF may need to keep some professional distance so that SHE can keep a pleasant work environment for herself and maintain the good working relationships she has with fellow coworkers.

I think you are naturally hurt that there is a change in your relationship. But drastically ending your friendship is like throwing out the baby with the bath water. You need to have some maturity about the fact that your work situation has changes things. Grow with those changes. If you really have a real, deep friendship, it should weather those changes.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I'm not sure where people are getting that she is angry or jealous? If that was the case, your friendship outside of work would have suffered.

I had the same reaction

I also agree with the many posters who are advising you to be professional at work (as your friend is trying to do) and keep your friendship for out of work hours. Lunch breaks are kind of a grey area--it would be seen as innapropriate in many areas if you always have lunch together even though technically that is your time. I think lunch once in a while (maybe a couple of times a month) should be okay though.

I cannot see that your friend has done anything wrong at all. She seems like a great and supportive friend who is also a good employee and cognizant of how relationships are viewed within the work enviornment. The fact that you are considering ending the friendship because she is now, very appropriately, cooling things when at work (becuase you are no longer working at the same level and this DOES chagne things) is the only place in this scenario where I see anybody not being a good friend. If I were you, I would apologize to her for getting bent out of shape about stuff at work and jsut let her know you ahd not thgouht through the ethics of teh situation as quickly as she did and then go on with your friendship after working hours.

 

[antmaril]

Hats off to your grandparents. They did a great job raising your father and uncle.
And if your father and brother are still around they are two lucky guys as are their families.

Thanks. Yes, my dad and my uncle were pretty special. There was never any tension between them due to the job situation.

They both died in 2002.