Both DD's have their 1st experience with "Cattyness"

[mt2]

We had soccer practice last night. When DD #2 started walking toward me she was quite upset and was talking loudly (not yelling yet but close to it).

I asked her what was going on, she started crying,yelling, whining (all at once) about 'K'. Apparently, 'K' has been teasing both girls about their ability (non ability) to play the game. Every time they try to make a move and mess up at practice or the game, she just teases them. It came to ahead last night.

'K' has played for three years. I also just found out that she is now living with her dad and she has a slight lisp.

My DD's have never played soccer before. This is their first season. Half the team has never played before. But this child has chosen my DD's to tease.

I tried to tell them that they should tell her to stop that they don't like it but she hasn't. I have also tried to tell them that sometimes that people (even adults) "attack"other people to make themselves feel better.

I'm not sure what else to say. One of the bus stop mom's suggested I talk to her mom but she isnt' in the picture. I met the dad once at the first game but he had to travel quite abit.

Any idea's?

Thanks

mt2

 

[lulugirl]

How old are your DD's? I tend to think (under most circumstances) that kids should learn to deal w/ that kind of behavior w/ out parental interference. Is the soccer coach aware of the teasing?

 

[llij]

MT2,

I'm sorry that is happening to your daughters. I know that my girls have been through what you have described and as a mother it is terrible to watch. What you've already said to your daughter is what I've told my daughters. Tell that person to stop and then walk away. I've always told my girls that it is ok to be firm about it and you can be firm with kindness. If this does continue then I would talk with the father. I try to let my daughter resolve an issue if it happens once. I am always there for them and will help them and guide them. If something continues, then the mother lion in me comes out and I will go to the parent and see what is up. I'm nice about it and approach it with how can we both "help" this situation or is anything bothering your daughter, etc.

Unfortunately, kids can be cruel sometimes and it is heartbreaking. You are doing the right thing and if it happens again, bring it up to the coach and talk to the dad.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

 

[mt2]

Both DD's are 9 years old.

I am trying to stay out of it. I know that things will probably be ok. I want them to learn some coping skills that we (DH and I) will not always be there.

It is hard to see my DD's hurting and know that this is life. Someone should have reminded me how difficult parent hood is. I rather go through college exams again. Hell week was much eaiser.

mt2

 

[JessetheCowgirl]

Bless their hearts!!!!

Kids can be so cruel----and it does seem like the girls start this very young these days!!!

I would act this out at home in a role play where they can practice their response

 

[Gupsmom]

I lived through a similar experience in high school. I was promoted into a better position in the line-up (center field-softball) at the expense of another girl. I had to endure some real nastiness from her. I let it get to me and I screwed up royally in a game. One of the coaches was tipped as to what was going on. He gave the entire team a generic lecture on being a team player. He also pulled me aside and gave me a lectured that I've carried with me through life. He told me that I had to "build a wall of arrogance." I didn't need to be cocky but I had to show confidence in myself or others would never be able to and some would walk all over me.

To this day, I don't get freaked out about pettiness. Even though it's not right, and I try not to do it, everybody gossips/teases once in a while. For the most part, I learned to deal with these issues and not take every act of cattiness as a truly personal attack. Usually, the person being catty, doesn't do it because they have any real dislike for you. They are either insecure (this girl you speak of seems to have some heavy issues going on) or they do it to ease into a social situation....try to fit in. It's wrong but it helps to not take it personally. Plus the more your DD can appear to rise above it the less people are going to target her.

Of course, it's a hard lesson for a child. I don't think you should be quick to jump in and solve it for your DD..despite how much we moms want to do that. You have to be confident that she can handle it so that she learns to be confident. Teach her to both: stand up for herself and to let it roll off her shoulder. Of course if it gets out of hand, you may have no choice. Then I'd try to quietly tip the coach and see if he can handle it. Going to the kid's parents would be my last resort. They're bound to get defensive and it could really turn ugly...esp if you have to deal with them in any other areas of your life (school, neighborhood, church etc).

Good luck....kids can really be mean and it hurts.

Jess

 

[SC Minnie]

ITA with Gupsmom.

Speak with the coach about the teasing your daughters are getting and ask the couch to keep an eye on it. This will be a very big lesson on sportsmanship for your daughters to learn. I would not talk to the Dad unless it got very bad.

This kind of thing is going to happen many times in their lives unfortunately.

 

[believe]

I feel for the girl who is teasing. I would guess she sees something your daughter has that she would like in her life, so why not make your daughter feel less than she is. Not that it is right, but with her mother not there and her father traveling I am sure it is difficult for her. I think the girl needs a friend, but doesn't know the right way to get one. Point at the positives your daughter has in her life, then tell her to remember them (in her head) as this girl is saying things to her.

As I parent I would probably try to be-friend the girl and see it that would turn things around.

 

[Serena]

Tell them that this is going to happen, probably often. They can either be hurt by what that girl says, or decide not to be. They have to have confidence in themselves to overcome petty people like that.
They are learning, so that girl should be helping them, or ignoring them. If she's so good, what is she afraid of, why would she take the time to make fun of them? She's not happy and wants everyone around her miserable too.

My oldest would laugh at people like that. She said it ticked them off a lot. I must admit, she got that from me. Laughing at someone that is trying to hurt you is the best revenge.

 

[Serena]

Believe, you are a good person.

 

[TerriP]

I agree with believe. I would point out that people can only give what they have to give. This young lady's life is probably difficult right now. We have no idea what she may be going through. If she were full of love, kindness, compassion, she would give that to others. Often, the best way to deal with someone full of anger or hurtful actions is to consider what it is in their life that makes them act that way.

I would bet my very last Disney Dollar that this girl's behavior has everything to do with her and absolutely nothing to do with your daughters. Maybe you can remind your daughters that how we treat others is a reflection of who we are. If she's being nasty, it's about *her* and not about them. If they weren't there she'd find someone else to be nasty to.

Good luck with this. I hope your girls can learn how to handle this in a way that works for them. It's a good lesson to learn as early as you can, because these sorts of problems never stop happening in life.

 

[mt2]

Thanks for all the advice.

I'll try again to reinforce the positive. I'm also trying to tell both DD's that it is her ('K') that has the issues but not really focus on that but what their reaction to the teasing should be (could be).

Do boys go through this? DS is only 2 and I would like to be prepared.

mt2

 

[spagheddie]

Originally posted by mt2
Thanks for all the advice.

I'll try again to reinforce the positive. I'm also trying to tell both DD's that it is her ('K') that has the issues but not really focus on that but what their reaction to the teasing should be (could be).

Do boys go through this? DS is only 2 and I would like to be prepared.

mt2

Boys go through it as well. In fact it probably would be easier if it were boys, you could have them test the quality of the brat's cup, or lack there of, the next time they scrimmage.