Mrs Dazzle
<font color=009900>Florida-mad (well, mad full sto
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2002
- Messages
- 3,045
I don't know where to begin, but here goes in a nutshell.
Last October, three days before we were due to fly to Miami, my husband confessed that he had been having an affair for the last year. I had had my suspicions and had confronted him twice, but each time he deceived me with his plausible lies.
The day he confessed, he told me how much he regretted it, was desperately sorry, loved me and could we make a fresh start. After a lot of angst and one of the worst holidays of my life, I agreed to take him back - how could I not, I still loved him so much.
We spent seven weeks back together, wonderful times including Xmas, full of laughter, a romantic weekend away, beautiful flowers, gifts etc. However, it was not without it's horrors. We both had different ways of dealing with it - he wanted to sweep it under the carpet and not mention it, I needed to talk about it to be able to deal with it and move on.
This caused some very heavy arguments. The final argument came on 2nd January when he walked out saying I was never going to see him again. He eventually calmed down and said I needed to get counselling to help me move on, he would come home when I had moved on and that he wanted our marriage to work. So I started counselling and even after 2 sessions could see the benefits so was very excited that our future would be ok again.
A week later, I found an email on his laptop when he came over to the house to visit our daughter and do a few jobs. This email confirmed what I still suspected - he was still in love with her, could not move on himself and was still seeing her whenever they thought it was safe (she is in a relationship with her partner of more than 20 years). I had never looked on his laptop before, but something compelled me to do it. Thank goodness I did, or else he could still be lying to me even now.
We are now separated, he has said we will be divorced and we are meeting this week to start the ball rolling with sorting out the finances.
How on earth has this happened? I did everything in my power to take him back and try and get over his betrayal, yet he has turned it all totally around on me, being hardly civil to me.
I think his guilt plays a huge part - that and the fact that following this email declaration of neverending love to his mistress, she has now told him categorically that they are finished.
I am so ashamed and humiliated knowing that even tho he can't have her, he's no longer interested in me. This 'woman' has completely taken him for a fool and he's the only person who can't see it. He is almost obsessed with her to the point of excluding everything and anyone in his life who is important. I fear he is going through a mid life crisis (50 next month) and is definitely heading for a breakdown of some sort (I've had mine, thanks to him) - why the hell can't I stop worring and caring about him. Someone please press a magic button that will make me stop!
Whilst divorce is inevitable because I cannot and will not ever be able to trust him again after all he has done, I refuse to be hurried into it as he has now asked. That is making me even more stressed outl.
My almost 17yo daughter and I are reeling as to how our lives are changing, through no fault of our own. We have to sell our beautiful house and I really struggle to be civil to him at the moment. We both want to try and get through this as amicable as possible because of Katie, but my God I have these awful feelings of rage towards him and his mistress (whose life still carries on as though nothing has happened).
He says he will always love me, but cannot bear what he has done to me so it's best if I get on with my life. I agree with that, but the hurt is just so unbearable that after 21 years together my husband can just push me to one side like a used rag.
Sorry, I'm not normally so self-pitying, I simply don't know how I'm ever going to get over this. Someone please tell me that you do and life does have something to offer. I just keep thinking I'm 50 this year, my life has done
Last October, three days before we were due to fly to Miami, my husband confessed that he had been having an affair for the last year. I had had my suspicions and had confronted him twice, but each time he deceived me with his plausible lies.
The day he confessed, he told me how much he regretted it, was desperately sorry, loved me and could we make a fresh start. After a lot of angst and one of the worst holidays of my life, I agreed to take him back - how could I not, I still loved him so much.
We spent seven weeks back together, wonderful times including Xmas, full of laughter, a romantic weekend away, beautiful flowers, gifts etc. However, it was not without it's horrors. We both had different ways of dealing with it - he wanted to sweep it under the carpet and not mention it, I needed to talk about it to be able to deal with it and move on.
This caused some very heavy arguments. The final argument came on 2nd January when he walked out saying I was never going to see him again. He eventually calmed down and said I needed to get counselling to help me move on, he would come home when I had moved on and that he wanted our marriage to work. So I started counselling and even after 2 sessions could see the benefits so was very excited that our future would be ok again.
A week later, I found an email on his laptop when he came over to the house to visit our daughter and do a few jobs. This email confirmed what I still suspected - he was still in love with her, could not move on himself and was still seeing her whenever they thought it was safe (she is in a relationship with her partner of more than 20 years). I had never looked on his laptop before, but something compelled me to do it. Thank goodness I did, or else he could still be lying to me even now.
We are now separated, he has said we will be divorced and we are meeting this week to start the ball rolling with sorting out the finances.
How on earth has this happened? I did everything in my power to take him back and try and get over his betrayal, yet he has turned it all totally around on me, being hardly civil to me.
I think his guilt plays a huge part - that and the fact that following this email declaration of neverending love to his mistress, she has now told him categorically that they are finished.
I am so ashamed and humiliated knowing that even tho he can't have her, he's no longer interested in me. This 'woman' has completely taken him for a fool and he's the only person who can't see it. He is almost obsessed with her to the point of excluding everything and anyone in his life who is important. I fear he is going through a mid life crisis (50 next month) and is definitely heading for a breakdown of some sort (I've had mine, thanks to him) - why the hell can't I stop worring and caring about him. Someone please press a magic button that will make me stop!
Whilst divorce is inevitable because I cannot and will not ever be able to trust him again after all he has done, I refuse to be hurried into it as he has now asked. That is making me even more stressed outl.
My almost 17yo daughter and I are reeling as to how our lives are changing, through no fault of our own. We have to sell our beautiful house and I really struggle to be civil to him at the moment. We both want to try and get through this as amicable as possible because of Katie, but my God I have these awful feelings of rage towards him and his mistress (whose life still carries on as though nothing has happened).
He says he will always love me, but cannot bear what he has done to me so it's best if I get on with my life. I agree with that, but the hurt is just so unbearable that after 21 years together my husband can just push me to one side like a used rag.
Sorry, I'm not normally so self-pitying, I simply don't know how I'm ever going to get over this. Someone please tell me that you do and life does have something to offer. I just keep thinking I'm 50 this year, my life has done
Sending you lots of hugs 
I cannot comment on a personal level, but I do wish and hope that someday you'll be able to get through this terrible time you and your DD are having and come out on the other side holding your head up high and be positive and happy. 
But to start with the huge changes are alot to deal with especially as happened so quickly.
