Being a gay family

[BBG-BLT]

My DS (almost 9) today asked why we can't be normal. Is pissed that people call us a "gay family" because its meant mean. I told him he's not gay - just his Moms.
Then said that he was angry that anytime he said that he didn't have a Dad that everyone would ask when he died. He's got a lot to handle, this little man. He's the only man in the house (2 Moms and 3 sisters) and the girls don't have to deal with near as much as he does from friends etc.

He know's he's lucky. Said he doesn't want us to "fix" it because then our family would have to change and he doesn't want that to happen. He's just dealing with a lot.

Just wanting to vent a bit. Thanks for listening.

 

[LuvBug1977]

Awe, he sounds like a super kid! His moms are doing a great job with him!

 

[Sphyrna]

I'm sure it must be a lot for him to have to deal with. But it sounds like he's doing a good job handling it all. It's going to make him a strong person.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Do you know any other gay couples with kids his age? It might take some of the sting out of being "different" if he knew other kids in the same boat. Point out that kids will tease each other about anything. If he had a "traditional" mom/dad family they would just tease him about something else.

Lots of hugs to you and your little man!

 

[C&G'sMama]

It's hard sometimes. We have 2 kids 1 girl 10 and 1 boy 7. Up to this point we've had more issues with DD as far as other kids. As fate would have it her best friend at school also has 2 moms so it takes some pressure off. But we'll find out from the teacher or other parents (as C doesn't tell us) that the kids were calling her and E gay, and why do they have 2 moms etc. She's just sick of because as she says E's been at this school since K and she's been there since 2nd and they're going into 5th. So here attitude is "really, you guys still have to ask the same questions and say the same comments?"

DS hasn't had issues with it yet. As he's an Aspie, he gets teased about other things. Once in awhile he'll say "I wish I had a dad" "Why?" "Then I wouldn't have to go to girl stores with you?" Well yes you would because then it'd be your dad taking you to the store to buy mommy presents (he said this while at a women's store looking at bras).

To concur with JEG, is there anyway to hook up with other families? We just happen to know a couple of other families and I've always wanted to go to PTown during family week. We aren't involved in the LGBT community here other than belonging to the local Gay Alliance. We're too busy with school, dance and chess.

Good Luck.

 

[Redheaded Sunshine]

My DS does have a dad and it can just be hard b/c other kids just don't get it and can be mean. A lot of adults don't even get it. My son struggles with nastiness from his father and doesn't understand why he's so ugly about his Mommy and his Misty.

I like what the PP said about another family with kids his age.

I don't really have any productive advice, just hang in there.

 

[OrlandoMike]

Have you ever thought of looking into the Big Brother program?

 

[DVCDan36]

"Normal Family"? What's that? A family is what you make it. Tell him that "Buffy" down that road that says she has a normal family has an alcoholic for a father and a human mattress for a mother. I think I felt the same way when my parents divorced and all my friend's parents were still together. I wish I was told that a family is what you made it.

I agree with OrlandoMike, Big Brothers is a great program that can get him out of the house and let him forget the "problems" of a kid.

 

[hematite153]

He sounds like a great kid.

It's hard that the world is so tough, but, sadly people get picked on for everything. It's great that he doesn't want your family to change and sad that he's going to have to learn ways of dealing with people's ignorance.

I agree with the idea of connecting him to someone his age with gay parents. I've watched kids draw on each other when faced with a lack of understanding and I remember doing it myself back when my parents were "separated" (my mother was terrified of "divorced") and nobody else even knew what that meant.

 

[BBG-BLT]

We have some very close friends (2 other families) that have kids around his age but one family lives in MD and the other in NJ. He knows some other kids are out there - just hard I guess.

I thought about the Big Brother program - does anyone have experience with it?

We've talked about moving the kids into a small private school that's close by as well where this kind of teasing etc. is just not tolerated. But its A LOT of money and with 4 kids...

 

[Distraction]

My DW and I are going to start trying for kids as soon as we can afford it and stories like this make me so angry-scared-frustrated I don't know what to do.

As someone who was teased and bullied mercilessly, I have to tell you, switching schools was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was a clean start and while I was never going to be popular, I was at least free of the rock throwing cowards I'd grown up with.

If a new school is not an option, watch for escalation. Persecution builds on itself and if these little jerks sense weakness they will swarm your little man before he knows what is up.

As I'm writing this I realized that I know of a program that some schools use to reduce bullying, I'm not sure if it will help, but it's called Operation Respect. Maybe you can get in touch with the school's administration and see if they are interested in doing it. It's an option rather than just watching.

 

[C&G'sMama]

As another alternative if looking for a male in his life, do you have any friends that you could ask to take him under their wing. We are very fortunate to have our best friend and DD's godfather in our lives and the kids lives. He bought a house 2 doors down from us 3 years ago. He and DD have a special bond and he's good with DS.

We had asked my BIL to be DS's mentor. He's a great guy but unfortunately he can't deal with DS's aspergers and the behaviors that go with it. So while DS does spend some time with a couple of my brothers, I'm going to ask my one brother if he'd be able to spend more time with him. This is the same brother we converted to Disney last year. He and DS had a good time together trying to figure out how everything worked.

Is the bullying at school so bad that he needs to get out? Is it something you've talked to school about? Our school got a video about different kinds of families to show to the 4th graders (where DD was last school year). I never heard anything about it and asked DD how it went. "Ughh... they get to the gay families and the kids started laughing and saying ooo gross." When I asked which kids, it's the same kids that are in trouble all the time for everything.


Good luck and keep us posted.

-A

 

[cmpdw4me]

My heart SO goes out to you all. We have a DD who's just now going into highschool. During her middle school years she hid us to her friends. We were, "MY mom and her roomate". She did this because there was another girl who was open that her mom was gay, and she was teased so badly, she left the school. Scared my DD to death...so we were a secret. She started to come out as 8th grade was soon over and the surprise was, nobody cared. Funny how the older the kids got, the MORE intouch with their own sexuality they were. Several of her friends disclosed they were either bi or gay. Funny how she NEVER saw that coming.

Yes, kids are cruel and yes, kids mirror their parents sometimes. They hear it at home and well, we know what happends. I wish I had some sage advice, but I wasn't with my DP when my DD was in grade school. I say do whatever you have to to keep your child emotionally and physically safe. The day the DON'T want to go to school because of bully's and emotional torment is the day I'd take mine out of school!

Good luck!

 

[BBG-BLT]

Thanks everyone - he's not teased that badly he's just sensitive about it. He's pretty popular but he just wants to be "normal" etc. Next year he'll be going to a private school with his sister. We want to give her a year without him (he is popular and she's not so much and hates always being B's sister).

Though it is a little frustrating at times I wouldn't give up having them for the world. We're having a great time in Myrtle Beach this week (but it ain't Disney!) it's just been nice to get away.

 

[OrlandoMike]

he's not teased that badly he's just sensitive about it. He's pretty popular but he just wants to be "normal" etc.

I think this is one of lifes toughest lessons at that age...

Every kid just wants to be "normal", but little do they know, that family down the street that looks like Ozzie and Harriet? They too have skeletons in their closet.

It's such a rough age.....

Many many years ago, I was a young kid....and happend to be lucky enough to see this song live....and it really changed my life! I know its old, and its country....but it got me through!

Just goes to show ya, this kind of "judgement" has been going on for years!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ivUOnnstpg&feature=related