Bar Mitzvah ??

[clarabelle]

We have been invited to a Bar Mitzvah
There are 3 parts
Service, luncheon and dance in the evening

Do we have to go to all 3? I want to do what is customary but would rather not spend my whole day on this if possible
But if that is what is appropriate we will

 

[punkin]

Generally, I would go to the whole thing. However, there is nothing that obligates you to do so. If you feel more comfortable just going to the service, that is perfectly correct. The luncheon will probably be right after the service so those two can be easily combined. The evening party is usually just a whole lot of fun.

 

[golfgal]

Typically, yes. Plan on spending all day if you do any of it. The service itself is about 3 hours then however long for the luncheon.

 

[RunningGirl]

DS just went to a friend's last weekend that had the same schedule. Of the teammates that were invited only 2 did not attend the ceremony and lunch but did attend the party (which means the other 13 who attended went to all 3). I think that unless you have a prior commitment that you should attend the ceremony, but could skip the lunch.

 

[browneyes106]

I went a friend's bar mitzvah in middle school they just had the service a party afterwards that only lasted a few hours. My friend told me and other friends that it would be ok if we just went to the party. I think you could maybe skip the luncheon or the ceremony.

 

[clarabelle]

thanks everyone!

 

[mdsoccermom]

As a Jew, let me tell you that the ceremony is the most important part of the day. That is when the bar mitzvah reads from the Torah and accepts his place as an adult in the Jewish community. It is emotionally charged and very beautiful. While I would never skip any of it, if I had to skip anything, it would not be the service.

 

[clarabelle]

Thanks
We don't have to skip any of it
We can do the whole thing if that is what is expected-
I just didn't know what the "normal" was.
I appreciate your insight

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Thanks
We don't have to skip any of it
We can do the whole thing if that is what is expected-
I just didn't know what the "normal" was.
I appreciate your insight

I don't expect anyone not Jewish to sit through the service, going to the party that evening will be fine. It is moving for the family and close friends, but all the invites are not expected to attend.

 

[RachelEllen]

Think of it like a wedding. There's the ceremony and then the reception. I'm sure some people are fine with only going to the reception, but I personally find it a little gauche.

You can almost certainly skip the luncheon. Usually that's a small event that occurs every Shabbat right after services. The Bar Mitzvah might sponsor the one after the Bar Mitzvah, but it's rarely an official part of the event.

You should also feel free to be quite late to the service!

 

[bicker]

We have been invited to a Bar Mitzvah
There are 3 parts
Service, luncheon and dance in the evening

Do we have to go to all 3?

The only "mandatory" portion is the Service. The rest is just celebration.

 

[JLTraveling]

Think of it like a wedding. There's the ceremony and then the reception. I'm sure some people are fine with only going to the reception, but I personally find it a little gauche.

ITA with this. Just decide what part(s) you would attend if someone you were equally close to was getting married. It's pretty similar in terms of significance.

 

[mdsoccermom]

Furthermore, a good rabbi recognizes that there are non-Jews in attendance because of this occasion, and will make them feel welcome and explain parts of the service.

 

[Rora]

Although I'm not Jewish, I grew up in South Florida where I had lots of Jewish friends and attended many Bar/Bat Mitzvahs.

Honestly, you should plan to attend all 3 events unless told otherwise. For example: one of my friends knew we didn't really want to sit through the whole service (hey, we were 12 ), so his mom just told us to attend the party. This worked out nicely for my 12 year old self, but I don't think it's acceptable for adults.

For close family friends, we attended all the events.

 

[clarabelle]

Thanks everyone