Baby Shower (minor vent)

[RUDisney]

My sister is due in May and we're hosting a shower for her next month. My Mom and I are the ones who will be handling most of the arrangements since we are physically located in the same place as my sister. Another sister will help with whatever she can, since she lives out of town, as will my SIL.

The problem... we all agree on everything. We want to have an Itallian feast that we make ourselves, but my sister's MIL wants to have everything catered. Why is this a problem, you ask? Because every time we talk about it, she doesn't listen. We like to cook... even if it is for the 100 people who will be invited. It will cost MUCH less to cook everything ourselves than to have it catered. I talked to my Mom again this morning. I asked her to remind sister's MIL that we will cook everything... she doesn't have to do anything. I can't see why she'd have a problem with this.... except for the fact that she wants full responsibility of the party... without us... except when it's time to pay the bills.

 

[pw2pp]

Maybe you and your sister and Mom can have a shower for the mom-to-be's family and your MIL can have a shower for the father-to-be's side of the family.

 

[Kimberle]

How abt if you tell her you're getting the food & she can get the dessert? You don't need to tell her "where" you're getting the food! *LOL* That way she can get the desserts from the bakery, or something.

People can be so funny at times!

 

[RUDisney]

You said it, Kimberle! She's a nice lady, and we don't want to hurt her feelings. We want to keep the peace, for my sister's sake.

My sister said that she's going to ask her DH to talk to his mother and remind her that she had her turn to throw a shower for her DD... it's my mother's turn now... especially since I didn't have one and my other sister's was held out of town, where she lives, and her MIL took care of most of the preparations because of her location. We just augmented her menu with things that we could transport easily... plus the cake.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

Why do moms have to be so darn difficult?

I can sort of sympathize though. My mom insisted on holding a 'joint' shower for my sister and I back in January. Which I was fine with except for a few things.

Like how she only gave me and DH about a week's notice (not NEARLY enough time to request time off from work)about the shower.
And how she didn't even ask me or DH if we had any friends who would like to attend. Everybody who attended was either a friend of my sister's or one of my mom's friends from church. I knew most of the people from my mom's church because they'd all been going there for years, but it was really wierd being in the same room with all those old folks (most of them are in their 60s and 70s) for a baby shower. It looked a Golden Girls rejects reunion.

Thankfully, I have some good friends who were kinda insulted my mom didn't invite them or ask me if they wanted to come. They are throwing DH and I a shower at one of their houses a week from this Sat. It will be so fun because MY friends will be there for a change as will MIL and SIL (who also didn't get to attend the first shower because my mother 'forgot' to invite them too).

Mothers can be so difficult, esp when there is a kid involved although I cannot fathom why.

P and PD for you though and I hope you get through this without too much stress or wanting to kill your MIL TOO much.

TOV

 

[whirlsy]

she probably doesnt want to be stuck in a kitchen, cleaning up and doing all the preparation. I know you said you were doing all the work but If she is anything like my MIL she cant just sit back and relax while someone is doing all the work (she Might look bad) She probably just wants it catered so she can enjoy the shower more and not worry about the food.

 

[RUDisney]

Whirlsy, you may be onto something.

The thing is... I will definitely have to articulate this to my Mom... I couldn't care less about mingling with anyone at the shower. Our family is very small, so I won't know a ton of people anyway. Whenever there has been a party like this, where I don't know a lot of people, I tend to be the take charge person who will make sure the food is replenished, bussed, etc. My opinion is that my Mom should be the one hosting the people and I can stay in the background. Maybe if my Mom takes that position about the shower, other Mother can also do that without feeling bad.

 

[Disney Doll]

It's all about control. Mothers and MILs love control. If you are throwing the shower and it is at your or your mother's house, your sister's MIL should have little or no say in how it is done.

If she wants to participate in it somehow, tell her to bring the cake. I would be very clear about the fact that it will not be catered, that you will be doing the food yourselves, and end the discussion.

 

[mtemm]

my family are ones who like to cook, my MIL on the other hand can't stand it. But in a situation like this one she'd still like to contribute something. I personally would come up with an item or 2 that she can bring. If not the cake, then some other desserts or whatever. Obviously make it clear what you are making, but maybe this will help make her feel a part of it?

 

[RUDisney]

Unfortunately, the shower is next month and it won't be warm enough to take people outside at one of our houses and although I have a nice sized house... not for 100 people at one time. So, we are using my BIL's firehouse for the party. I think that's why his mother is being so take charge.

I talked to my Mom again about this. I told her Whirlsy's theory about not wanting the prep and clean up. My Mom understands how we handle events in our family. She'll articulate the fact that my 2 sisters and I will take care of the food and cleanup so the Moms and Mom-to-Be can mingle with the guests.

Frankly, I am really looking forward to cooking for 100 people. It'll be good practice for the 50 or so that my DH & I host after DS's Communion in May. At least by May, people will also be able to go outside on our deck or in our yard. I know at that party, my Mom will take over food supervision so I can mingle with our guests.