B-day party vent

[PaulaSue]

I have a friend who is going to blow off my DDs (5) party if I don't invite her DS too, her DD is the one invited.

I told her weeks (over a month ago and sent the invite 2 weeks ago) ago it is a girl party so she could plan. she asked me about this 2 times this week and I told her DS (3) could come and have cupcakes and ice cream but we didn't plan any games and such for boys and only have enough party/crafts stuff the 8 girls. I don't have the time or money to go out and buy a bunch of stuff for one extra child, especially with the Hello Kitty theme, what could I even do for a boy. We just got back from Disney and I still have a million things to do here.

Her parents are even coming to town the same time and she wanted to bring her mom and I said fine but it would be crowded which it really will be in my house. I am not expecting any parent to stay but said they are welcome if they like.

It really hurts my feelings and it is going to upset my DD. I am good enough to watch her 2 DC (for many hours at a time) while she goes to the specialist for IVF (thankfully she is prego now) but not to drop her DD off for a party for 2 hours. I said about her doing some shopping while DD would be here (she liives about 20 minutues away) and they are the same stores she comes here for anyway all the time.

Really makes me wonder why I bend over backwards and change my plans to help people when they don't return the favor.

Vent over.

 

[lulugirl]

I think your friend is being rude. Sorry.

 

[SC Minnie]

You are the friend in this relationship, she isn't. Sounds like a user.

If I was the other Mom I would use the time for some one on one with the boy.

 

[Chicago526]

It might be too late now, but I'd be firm about the "girls only" part. I'd have told her she is more than welcome to just drop off the daughter and she and her son can go find something to do together, then come back and pick her up. If your friend wanted to vist with you, then when she and her son come back to pick up the daughter AFTER the party is over, they would be more than welcome to stay and visit. If that doesnt work for your friend, then your friends daughter will be missed at the party.

 

[minniecarousel]

I think you have every right to be peeved. Don't let it ruin the party - this will be your daughter's day!

 

[cats mom]

So sorry, a mom did much the same thing for my DS's party a couple of years ago, except she has two boys, so I didn't even have the girl/boy thing to use.

I said much the same as you did... he was welcome for cake, but that she would need to make it clear to him that there would NOT be game prizes or a treat bag for him as I only had enough for the invited guests.

This is the same mom who pulled 'little brother' from his class to come to a function in her older son's class and told him to go ahead and have a piece of cake (before it was served to anyone else) leaving the room mom, who had carefully cut just enough for the kids in the class, short a piece.


Last B-day invite DS brought home had a BOLD note stating that siblings could NOT be accomodated. I'm guessing it's a more common problem than you would think.

I hope your daughter has a fun party!

 

[FergieTCat]

It sounds to me like she expects you to "babysit" for both her DD and DS while she and her mom excuse themselves to go shopping.

I'd be firm, tell her only her DD is invited. If she blows it off, then so be it.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

Your friend is being very rude. Don't let her bully you into allowing her DS to attend.

If she tells you again that her dd won't come if her ds doesn't, just tell her you're so sorry that "dd" won't be able to make it and that your dd will be disappointed to hear it.

If she shows up at the party with both kids, just act like you expect her to be dropping the girl off. Let the girl in the door and say, "so, what do the two of you have planned while "dd" is here?" If she tries to come in, repeat what you've told her before. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I thought you understood that we only have enough room and entertainment for the invited guests." If you're feeling generous, you could invite them to stay and play in the backyard or basement (somewhere away from the party). If it's 20 below outside and snowing, inviting them to play out back ought to really get your message across!

I'm really shocked at the rudeness of some people these days. Good luck.

 

[CEDmom]

I think you are bending over backwards to accomdate this child. Mom isn't doing him any favors by not explaining that sometimes he won't be included in activities his sister goes to and sometimes she'll be the one not included.

 

[Sandy V.]

Your friend is being very rude. Don't let her bully you into allowing her DS to attend.

If she tells you again that her dd won't come if her ds doesn't, just tell her you're so sorry that "dd" won't be able to make it and that your dd will be disappointed to hear it.

I completely agree. Stand firm and DO NOT give in. If you lose a friendship over this, it wasn't much a friendship to begin with.

 

[disykat]

I'd be mad too. I'm the first to understand that people don't want to drop off thier kids if they don't know you, but that certainly isn't the case here!

We have plenty of friends where our kids all play together - but at birthday parties they only invite the kids who are the same age/sex as them.

 

[PaulaSue]

She wants to stay with both, DD, DS and her mother or not at all. She won't drop off her DD who is 5 or leave DS home with her Mom. Why? She trusts me to watch her DC for hours when she needs a sitter. We have know each other's families since before we both got prego with our last children almost 4 years now.

She doesn't want to come since I am having a girls party and nothing planned for her DS to do (I offered cake and ice cream). I am having crafts that I bought months ago for 8 girls.

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I think I will double check her answer and then call someone else to fill the spot. I know it is last minute but I have all this stuff and hate to waste it.

Emma wants to have a kitty party. All the girls in preschool play ''kittys" all day. We are making kitty purses (kitty fleece) and playing bingo and hot potato for items to fill the purse (also doubling as the goodie bag) like kitty wallets, kitty pencils, kitty notebook, hello kitty chapstick, hello kitty lotion.

She is going to miss a fun time. We are also going to do kitty faces as the girls come.

 

[tar heel]

She's just plain rude and being very unfair to you, her DD and even her DS. Teaching your children that you should show up where you are not invited is the wrong thing to do!

 

[Mimi Q]

I'll just agree with everyone else, she is being rude.

 

[CEDmom]

It sounds like you've planned a wonderful party for your DD. I think this friend is putting her wants ahead of the feelings of your DD and that is just sad. Have you tried to turn the tables on her? Ask her how she'd feel if she planned a special party for her child and you wanted to disrupt that.

 

[mickeyboat]

Here's a slightly different way to look at it.

If the mother is such a good friend, maybe she assumes that she and her whole family are invited to the party? We have always had family parties for our girls, where our family and friends and their immediate families attend. Now that the kids are in school, we will probably start kid parties. Mayeb your friend doesn't understand this is just a kid party, or that even if it is, she and her family would still be invited - hence why she asked if it was o.k. if her mother came. Maybe she is on another board complaining about how you invited her family to the party but planned only girl activities so that there was nothing for her son to do.

Just a thought.

Denae

 

[roque]

I would tell her she and her daughter will be missed... and leave it at that...she knows the theme of the party and i wouldn't spend anymore time thinking about it .... if your dd asks where they are just adv they couldn't make

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

I think she is being rude to you. It seems like she is trying to unload her kids on you so she can go shopping. You explained the situation to her and if she can't deal with it then that is her problem. You even offered her son to stay for cake but no goody bag and wasn't good enough for her? That makes me think she just wants free things out of you. Tell her that her dd will be missed and leave it at that.

Anyway, what does she think her ds will do at the party? You told her it is a party specifically for girls. I bet her ds would come to the party, see all the girly things, and just complain the whole time how he doesn't want to be there.

 

[Kimberle]

Ya know, there is a new "term" for these "guests", FRANKENGUEST! (Those that expect parties to revolve around "their" needs and wants.)

Yes, she is being rude. Don't let it bug you. Tell her you're sorry it's not going to work out for her dd to attend and you'll miss her. In the long run, her kids are going to be the ones to suffer. People are going to stop inviting them because they don't want to deal with FrankenMaMa!

 

[The Edgington's]

I agree she is being rude. It is your DD bday party, any true friend would understand this. You are being more than accomodating by offering her DS cake.