Autistic sons birthday party vent

[HARVEYSGIRL]

I just want to vent a little. My son just had his 9th birthday. He is on the level of a 2-3 year old. I know that he doesn't have social skills or friends but he wanted to have a birthday party like his siblings. So..... I booked a 2 lane party at the bowling alley and printed 70 invitations. He and my daughter passed them out at school and at afterschool.

I have had 1 person say that they would come. The party is this weekend! 1 person. I know that all of the kids think that he is mentally retarded (thats what my daughter tells me anyway) and that they don't consider him a friend, but 1 person. I invited entire families from afterschool. I am now desperate and have my older kids trying to get their friends to come. Someone has to show up. It will break his heart.

I guess when I was a kid I was just happy to be invited anywhere. I figured they would show up for free bowling and pizza. Guess I was wrong.

 

[weswife]

I feel your pain in the post. Kids are difficult and can be mean. I too have a special needs child so I understand how you feel. Hopefully he will enjoy his b-day and no matter who is there party it up!

 

[dogodisney]

Did you put an RSVP by date on the invitation?

I hope you DS has a wonderful birthday!

 

[Kay1]

I've heard of this sort of thing happening to all sorts of kids. Any child would feel hurt to have this happen.

If I were you I would be on that phone to everyone I could. Be honest with anyone you feel you can. Be blunt. Inlist teachers, friends and family members, but get people to show up that day, period. If he's like my son, he really won't care who those people are as long as they're having fun and singing Happy Birthday.

I'm sending you my very best wishes and thoughts.

 

[persimmondeb]

Take a deep breath. Assume some of these people are unsure of whether or not they can come, and some of them have never heard of RSVP'ing. Get on the phone and call them. Talk to parents and let them know it means a lot to your son to have his party well attended. Some of them may even be assuming that they were invited just so they would not feel excluded, if they do not know your son all that well, and may not realize that their presence is actively desired, although it would have been polite to call you and tell you they were not attending.

Some of the best advice I've ever gotten is not to assume malice when stupidity or carelessness would explain the action just as well.

Happy Birthday to your son, and I hope he has a wonderful party!

 

[KirstenB]

I've heard of this sort of thing happening to all sorts of kids. Any child would feel hurt to have this happen.

If I were you I would be on that phone to everyone I could. Be honest with anyone you feel you can. Be blunt. Inlist teachers, friends and family members, but get people to show up that day, period. If he's like my son, he really won't care who those people are as long as they're having fun and singing Happy Birthday.

I'm sending you my very best wishes and thoughts.

I like this advice. Try to round up a group, and have a great day!!

 

[mistymouse5001]

I just want to vent a little. My son just had his 9th birthday. He is on the level of a 2-3 year old. I know that he doesn't have social skills or friends but he wanted to have a birthday party like his siblings. So..... I booked a 2 lane party at the bowling alley and printed 70 invitations. He and my daughter passed them out at school and at afterschool.

I have had 1 person say that they would come. The party is this weekend! 1 person. I know that all of the kids think that he is mentally retarded (thats what my daughter tells me anyway) and that they don't consider him a friend, but 1 person. I invited entire families from afterschool. I am now desperate and have my older kids trying to get their friends to come. Someone has to show up. It will break his heart.

I guess when I was a kid I was just happy to be invited anywhere. I figured they would show up for free bowling and pizza. Guess I was wrong.

Aw! I wish we lived closer we would come and bring all of our peeps!

 

[HARVEYSGIRL]

Did you put an RSVP by date on the invitation?

I hope you DS has a wonderful birthday!

I did put RSVP on the invites. I did have one child that called and said that they could not attend and I had one that said they would. I think people have really gotten lazy when it comes to etiquette.

 

[WendyisDarling]

I've been there, too.
It's heartbreaking.

A couple of years ago, DS had a party at one of the inflatable places. I rented the room and invited every child in his class.
Only one RSVP from Reg. Ed. and 2 from Sp.Ed. I was so worried no one would come.
A couple of days before the party yes RSVP's started coming in like crazy. Almost every student attended.

I really think what happened was a couple of kids decided to go, then it was OK or cool or whatever for the other students to attend. Did they play more with their little cliques of friends (this was 2nd grade)? Sure, DS didn't care he was just glad to have others at his party.

I would get on the phone and try to get a couple mothers to understand and encourage them to persuade their child to go by saying they will have fun with their friends from school. If they start to see it as a school/class party, you may get better attendance. If you were able to invite every child in the reg. ed. class, you may even get the teacher to help. I didn't ask, but my son's teacher did (note: very important that every child was invited)

Good luck. I do understand how stressful this is for you.

 

[C&G'sMama]

I'm with the other posters. Call a couple of people you feel comfortable with and see if you can at least a couple of more folks to come.

Our DS is 6 and has Asperger's. Most kids his age don't "get" him and he doesn't really have any friends. For his 3rd birthday we invited some families from pre-school and had a back yard picnic. For his 4th Birthday we invited a few families, mostly from pre-k a totally different group kids.


Then came Kindergarten. We don't have the same relationships with the families in K that we had the previous 2 years. Our solution, go to WDW, that really is part of why we made his 6th birthday happen on our trip.

Now we are in 1st grade and he wants an all boy party. He doesn't have any boy friends. We pointed that out to him. We're lucky in that our neighbor, in the last year, adopted 6 children between the ages of 2 and 9 and her 3 school age kids go to our kids' school. So instant party and we are still friends with the parents of one of his Pre-K classmates that goes to his school. So.... this year they are supposed to have a day off in May (about 2 weeks after his Bday) that the other schools don't have off (unless it gets added back because of snow day excess).

So we're going to try and talk him into a party at one of the bouncy places, we invite these 2 families and we're all set.

We'll just approach it one year at a time.

Good luck and please check back in with us after the party and let us know how it goes.

 

[kaffinito]

I hope the people you invited just didn't RSVP and still come!

I know how it goes when you have kids that don't have a lot of friends and they desperately want to have them. Keep your chin up and try to get some kids to come and I really pray that all goes well for you!

 

[dogodisney]

How did the party turn out? I hope your DS had a great day!

 

[AJKMOM]

I hope it all worked out OK. That is the worst part of kids with social special needs. They see that others have friends and wonder why they can't. My DS, age 21, is moderate to severely autistic and prefers his world without friends.

 

[curemyreed]

Please let us know how everything turned out.
DD (8) has autism as well. Has never asked for this kind of party, but I can imagine the pain I would feel if this happened.

 

[quasar4legs]

Oh gosh, I am so sorry.

This is probably little comfort but not long ago there was a thread on the community board and lots of parents were talking about parties with few or no RSVP's.
Some of our best parties have just been immediate family so go and have a great time.

Big hugs to all of you and if we didn't live so far away my aussie family would have loved to help your son celebrate his 9th birthday at bowling.

Koala cuddles to you all.
Quasar

 

[MinnieVanMom]

I feel your pain all so well. Rather than having a birthday party for DS I have taken him to WDW each year so I don't even have to deal with the issues. It is the ultimate escape and we do have fun.

This year however, we are staying home and he wants a party. My biggest concern is also that no one will attend because he has autism and is considered the "weird" kid.

I am going to invite just 3 kids from his class that I think will come and hope for the best but expect the worst.

Prayers to you and I hope one days our kids will be accepted.

 

[fakereadhed]

Big hugs!

For me, this kind of thing is harder on me than my kid in the long run. My DD was always more disappointed about the party and really didn't get the social implications. As long as she had fun, in the end it was a great birthday. I don't think she could have handled lots of kids at her parties anyway so it all worked itself out.

It is so heartbreaking as a mom to watch though.

 

[HARVEYSGIRL]

The party turned out okay. We managed to round up 11 people to attend. My other children brought friends and a few special needs kids from his afterschool group showed up. It turned out great!

I have no family or friends in Texas. What little family I have is a thousand miles away so that really limits me. Thank you all for being so nice. It means so much to me!!

 

[C&G'sMama]

Glad to hear it turned out well in the end!!

 

[dogodisney]

Happy to hear it turned out well.

I don't have any extended family near us so I know how that is.