At what age is it no longer appropriate for kids to be pantless when company is over?

[BLAZEY]

Background: My mother hosted Sunday dinner last night. We ate outside, Mum now lives in a "Grannie Suite" attached to the main house my sister and I grew up in. DSIS and DBIL have bought 1/2 the house from DMUM. Attendees were DMUM, myself, DH, DD9, DAunt, DSIS, DBIL, DNephew5, DNiece3. We were carrying food out to the table and DH notices DNephew had a shirt, and sweatshirt on but no pants or shorts (he was wearing undies) DH asks him to go put shorts on as dinner will be ready soon. He says No, I don't have to. I reply "Your uncle has asked that you go put some shorts or pants on for dinner please go do it." This time DBIL overheard us saying the he needed to put pants on. DBIL agreed and told his son to put pants or shorts on for dinner. He goes upstairs. Comes down 5 minute later, no pants/shorts one. I tell him again, my DSIS is here now and says "he doesn't need to." My reply is DBIL told DNephew to put pants/shorts on." DSIS was a little huffy and said OK. DBIL backed me up and said if they "were at someone else's house he would have to have bottoms on. DSIS said "We're at home." DBIL replied "And there is company over. He is 5 and entering kindergarten in 3 weeks. He needs to learn new things as he's growing up." DSIS is still a bit upset that we (myself,DH, DMUM, DBIL) think that it's not appropriate for DNephew to be pantless at the table.

For the record I don't care what the rules are when it's just the 4 of them, but when company is over, the rules change. DD9 hasn't be less than fully clothed at the table since she was potty fully trained. DNeice 3 was fully clothed.

EDITED: DBIL (The child's father) has at previous occasions told said child to put pants on. EVERYONE else was in dressier clothes (button up shirts, khakis, or dresses)

UPDATE on page 8.

 

[Marchand63]

34
Sorry couldn’t resist

 

[lovesmurfs]

There are no words. Seriously.

ETA: I think once they're out of diapers.

 

[Hikergirl]

So you went to their house and decided how their children should be dressed and you and your dh both told their child to do something without speaking to his parents first?

Regardless of how I feel about when a child should be wearing pants, it isn't my place to tell them to put them on when I am in their home. I would speak to their mother or father and have them tell their child if they decide too.
If I didn't like their rules for their children when I am in their home then I am free to leave.

 

[Shanti]

Background: My mother hosted Sunday dinner last night. We ate outside, Mum now lives in a "Grannie Suite" attached to the main house my sister and I grew up in. DSIS and DBIL have bought 1/2 the house from DMUM. Attendees were DMUM, myself, DH, DD9, DAunt, DSIS, DBIL, DNephew5, DNiece3. We were carrying food out to the table and DH notices DNephew had a shirt, and sweatshirt on but no pants or shorts (he was wearing undies) DH asks him to go put shorts on as dinner will be ready soon. He says No, I don't have to. I reply "Your uncle has asked that you go put some shorts or pants on for dinner please go do it." This time DBIL overheard us saying the he needed to put pants on. DBIL agreed and told his son to put pants or shorts on for dinner. He goes upstairs. Comes down 5 minute later, no pants/shorts one. I tell him again, my DSIS is here now and says "he doesn't need to." My reply is DBIL told DNephew to put pants/shorts on." DSIS was a little huffy and said OK. DBIL backed me up and said if they "were at someone else's house he would have to have bottoms on. DSIS said "We're at home." DBIL replied "And there is company over. He is 5 and entering kindergarten in 3 weeks. He needs to learn new things as he's growing up." DSIS is still a bit upset that we (myself,DH, DMUM, DBIL) think that it's not appropriate for DNephew to be pantless at the table.

For the record I don't care what the rules are when it's just the 4 of them, but when company is over, the rules change. DD9 hasn't be less than fully clothed at the table since she was potty fully trained. DNeice 3 was fully clothed.

When they're no longer in regular diapers, they need pants or skirts on.

 

[L&Lfan]

I would have sworn "old lady" started this doozy!

 

[Hikergirl]

Background: My mother hosted Sunday dinner last night. We ate outside, Mum now lives in a "Grannie Suite" attached to the main house my sister and I grew up in. DSIS and DBIL have bought 1/2 the house from DMUM. Attendees were DMUM, myself, DH, DD9, DAunt, DSIS, DBIL, DNephew5, DNiece3. We were carrying food out to the table and DH notices DNephew had a shirt, and sweatshirt on but no pants or shorts (he was wearing undies) DH asks him to go put shorts on as dinner will be ready soon. He says No, I don't have to. I reply "Your uncle has asked that you go put some shorts or pants on for dinner please go do it." This time DBIL overheard us saying the he needed to put pants on. DBIL agreed and told his son to put pants or shorts on for dinner. He goes upstairs. Comes down 5 minute later, no pants/shorts one. I tell him again, my DSIS is here now and says "he doesn't need to." My reply is DBIL told DNephew to put pants/shorts on." DSIS was a little huffy and said OK. DBIL backed me up and said if they "were at someone else's house he would have to have bottoms on. DSIS said "We're at home." DBIL replied "And there is company over. He is 5 and entering kindergarten in 3 weeks. He needs to learn new things as he's growing up." DSIS is still a bit upset that we (myself,DH, DMUM, DBIL) think that it's not appropriate for DNephew to be pantless at the table.

For the record I don't care what the rules are when it's just the 4 of them, but when company is over, the rules change. DD9 hasn't be less than fully clothed at the table since she was potty fully trained. DNeice 3 was fully clothed.

the rule

 

[mjkacmom]

I do not think it’s appr for a 5 year old to be pant less with company over, and I would’ve said something (in a casual manner) to my BIL or SIL. It’s not my place to tell my nephew what to do unless someone is in danger.

Then again, ds20 and ds15 wear boxers around when other kids are over, the only one who thinks it’s wrong is me.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Regardless of whether or not I think whether my five year old nephew should have pants on, I would have asked his parents first before telling him to go put on pants.

What you have done here is shown that you aren't his boss and your directions can be countered by his parents. Good luck ever babysitting.

 

[BLAZEY]

So you went to their house and decided how their children should be dressed and you and your dh both told their child to do something without speaking to his parents first?

Regardless of how I feel about when a child should be wearing pants, it isn't my place to tell them to put them on when I am in their home. I would speak to their mother or father and have them tell their child if they decide too.
If I didn't like their rules for their children when I am in their home then I am free to leave.

No we went to my mother's house.

 

[Marchand63]

Regardless of whether or not I think whether my five year old nephew should have pants on, I would have asked his parents first before telling him to go put on pants.

What you have done here is shown that you aren't his boss and your directions can be countered by his parents. Good luck ever babysitting.

I honestly thought my kid would be a nudist. He used to jump out at that age buck naked “surprise”. Yeah we corrected that.

I would never correct another persons child, even if I was related. If you have issues talk to his parents.

 

[BLAZEY]

Regardless of whether or not I think whether my five year old nephew should have pants on, I would have asked his parents first before telling him to go put on pants.

What you have done here is shown that you aren't his boss and your directions can be countered by his parents. Good luck ever babysitting.

Actually I'm only one who will watch both of the kids together. My mum and the other grandmother refuse to watch both of them or even pick the up from school (totally different horror story). He is fine if DSis isn't around.

 

[Hikergirl]

No we went to my mother's house.

You said that they bought 1/2 the house, that makes it their's along with your mother's.

 

[BLAZEY]

I honestly thought my kid would be a nudist. He used to jump out at that age buck naked “surprise”. Yeah we corrected that.

I would never correct another persons child, even if I was related. If you have issues talk to his parents.

I have spoken with DBIL (the father) he agrees with me. My sister overules her husband. This time he put his foot down.

 

[BLAZEY]

You said that the bought 1/2 the house, that makes it their's along with your mother's.

DMUM was hosting dinner, they were invited for dinner in HER yard.

 

[mjkacmom]

I honestly thought my kid would be a nudist. He used to jump out at that age buck naked “surprise”. Yeah we corrected that.

I would never correct another persons child, even if I was related. If you have issues talk to his parents.

Mine too, I remember being at my moms (my kids practically lived there), and my BIL used to freak out when 3 year olds would run around in underwear after getting dressed from swimming or baths. He thought it was weird, until he had his own kids who were much more nudy than mine!

 

[kimblebee]

I thought you were going to say he was bare bummed.

What would you have said if he was wearing a speedo bathing suit?

We have a pants rule at our house (we’re also adults lol) but a five year old in his undies wouldn’t have phased me one bit.

 

[soccerdad72]

While I think it's odd for a 5 year old to run around with underwear on while others are there, I agree with others who say that it's really not your place to tell your nephew to put clothes on.

 

[Hikergirl]

DMUM was hosting dinner, they were invited for dinner in HER yard.

So the yard didn't come with 1/2 the house, ok
Still should have went to the parents first.

 

[morgan98]

Well, I am not a parent, so as per DIS rules, I probably am wrong or do not have a right to an opinion, lol!

For the record, I tend to be a rule follower. Does 5 seem a bit old to not wear pants? Perhaps. But the way the OP started the story, I was thinking the kid had NOTHING on, not even underwear. I mean if he was sitting at the table in a shirt with only his underwear, I would find it a bit odd. However, not sure I would have taken it upon myself to tell the kid what to do. I probably would have asked one of the parents about it, more from being a bit curious about it perspective.

OP, it is clear from the follow up posts that you have something going on with your sister in law and this pants issue is definitely related to that.