At what age do you stop taking your adult child on vacation?

[hsmamato2]

Yeah.... answers all over the place here which basically means we all do what we are comfortable with..... I feel like I understand the parents of 'old' kids perspectives.... you don't WANT them to stop wanting to go with you.... you just don't. So what I'm reading here is that a lot of 'us' do just about anything to have them with us ,like when they were little,including paying for adults to vacation with us. I know, b/c I am one of those parents. And guess what, eventually they still stop coming with you,b/c they have their own lives,jobs,interests,schedules. And then you readjust,and move on. (trust me, this happens even with the 'full vacation for free' offers) Op i say if you want him,and can afford it,and he wants to,go for it. Eventually it will change anyway,no matter how much DVC,hotels,paid airfares you offer. You will enjoy your trip with or without him,and he will decide what he wants to do.

 

[hsmamato2]

Also to the 2nd question a few posts back about the older daughter...(STOP feeling guilty!) It sounds like you already pay for a lot of her expenses,and if she is 'mad' at you for not paying more for a vacation, perhaps she isn't as appreciative of your help as she could be anyway,and you can stop and rethink your generosity If I were in your situation I'd invite with your terms, but forget donating my trip savings to her, I'd use those funds to enjoy my trip,or start funding another one in the future!

 

[Ambear]

Once again, another reason I'm glad to be an only child haha.

But my mom and I still go on vacations together and I'm 26. And no matter where in my life I am, I'll always want to go on vacation with her once or twice a year. Now that I have a good job we split the bill. When I was in college my first semester and doing horribly, she didn't let me go on the family vacation. It was more a punishment, but I was sad and felt left out. Now I obviously look back and get it. I think if there are good reasons like financing or whatever else for not taking an older child on vacation, theyll understand eventually. Some people have bad fomo. No getting around that haha.

 

[scrapquitler]

Thank you for your insight! We didn't "invite" her but instead presented the facts, cost and our situation and asked her to decide if she could afford that as an option and if she wanted to go.

In an attempt to defend myself a bit---she has no personal expenses at all. She lives with her boyfriend in his mothers home. Her car is paid for and her dad pays for her insurance and phone bill. She and her boyfriend live a very luxurious lifestyle---far beyond what my husband and I live. Meanwhile, my husband and I have been saving for this trip for 2 years and we've made a lot of personal sacrifices along the way. We took her to Disney when she was 12, 15 and 17 years old. If cost weren't such a factor, I absolutely would pay her way. Also, I also told her that if she could not afford that as an option that I would give her the cash I would have otherwise spent for her to go so she could use that as a partial downpayment on a car she is saving for.

I do not think that it is at all unreasonable for you to expect her to contribute to paying for at least a portion of the trip. If I were a 22 year old living in that situation I would be embarrassed to be invited and NOT pay at least part of it.

 

[scrapquitler]

I would sacrifice a few of the upgrades so she could go.

I think the 'upgrade' the OP meant which would cost so much extra to bring the 23 year old was the fact that they would need to get a room that would accommodate 5 people instead of 4 if she were going to go with them.

 

[mnrose]

JSTARNELLA, you are being fair IMO. She's an adult. She has money.

What is "fair" is not always equal.

I wouldn't give it another thought.

Once I left home to go to college (age 18), my parents never paid for a trip for me, ever. I don't feel badly about that at all. They raised me to be financially independent, and I was (and am). It was the greatest gift they ever gave me. I am enormously grateful.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I think it's great that you are close to your Mom and that probably is the case for daughters who are only children.
Don't get me wrong I love my Mom but when I was 26 I had no desire to vacation with her. I either wanted to go away with my husband or my friends.
As a couple we needed that alone time in our marriage. He wouldn't have been happy to have his MIL along for vacation. And before I was married I wanted to party with my friends not my Mom.

Once again, another reason I'm glad to be an only child haha.

But my mom and I still go on vacations together and I'm 26. And no matter where in my life I am, I'll always want to go on vacation with her once or twice a year. Now that I have a good job we split the bill. When I was in college my first semester and doing horribly, she didn't let me go on the family vacation. It was more a punishment, but I was sad and felt left out. Now I obviously look back and get it. I think if there are good reasons like financing or whatever else for not taking an older child on vacation, theyll understand eventually. Some people have bad fomo. No getting around that haha.

 

[erij11]

We took our DS24 and his girlfriend on our first Disney vacation last year. DH and I paid for it all. I had my reasons for doing this. We were never able to go when he was younger so I wanted to do this for him and his girlfriend had never been either. DS graduated from college in 2013, works full-time and he's a musician. He's a great young man, supports himself just fine but can not yet afford vacations. It was also great to actually be with him for a pure week as that never happens anymore. I was willing to fit the bill just for that. We do see him a lot on weekends and during the holidays but it is always just for a few days. They both had a blast and were very thankful for the trip. I invited them to go along again this year but his girlfriend just graduated from college in December, started a new job and may not be able to get the time off. I gave them the option of joining us for just a couple of days so we will see how that works out. We are staying offsite so I don't need to know until June. Fingers crossed.

 

[Ambear]

I think it's great that you are close to your Mom and that probably is the case for daughters who are only children.
Don't get me wrong I love my Mom but when I was 26 I had no desire to vacation with her. I either wanted to go away with my husband or my friends.
As a couple we needed that alone time in our marriage. He wouldn't have been happy to have his MIL along for vacation. And before I was married I wanted to party with my friends not my Mom.

Totally understandable. I have plenty of my friends tell me I'm strange because I love having out with my mom haha. I also go on trips with my friends and bfs, but I always end up having as much fun with my mom. It helps that she's so modern and hip and a lot like me.

 

[Mrs Eeyore]

I hope my kids will always want to vacation with us! I'm going to be that psycho ma-in-law dragging the sons-in-law and grandkids along on our trips, LOL. Our next trip is likely to be in May 2017, when my kids will be 18 and 21. If I've done my math right (questionable), one will be finishing first year university and the other will have just finished her undergrad. I planned it for May to fit in with their school schedule. We have already discussed the possibility that they might have to pay some of their own way. I don't think I'll have to drag them kicking and screaming, but I'm prepared to do so.

I remember going along on a family trip to Florida (non-Disney unfortunately) when I was in my early 20s and my parents paid my way. I think they ditched me after that though.

 

[eliza61]

I think it's great that you are close to your Mom and that probably is the case for daughters who are only children.
Don't get me wrong I love my Mom but when I was 26 I had no desire to vacation with her. I either wanted to go away with my husband or my friends.
As a couple we needed that alone time in our marriage. He wouldn't have been happy to have his MIL along for vacation. And before I was married I wanted to party with my friends not my Mom.

LOL Really? Man, no matter what age I was, I always wanted to vacation with my parents ESPECIALLY when I was in my twenties. first I always knew that they vacationed at a level way above my just out of college pocketbook could take.

It wasn't an either or proposition in my life. I managed to hang out with friends, have down time with hubby and get together with extended family.

I guess we are pretty lucky in that we always managed to do all of the above. Now we didn't get to do big week long vacations all the time. My in laws are from Portugal so you better believe whenever they offered to have us come over for vacation... this cookie had her backside in the plane.

My son's show no signs of not wanting to go to wdw with us. I have a dvc so usually I get a two or three bedroom villa and just invite people to come.

Next up is our family vacation August 25- september 5th. I got a grand villa at Boardwalk, Both my son's are going, they aren't even thinking about not going. I will say I'm paying for their tickets but they have to cover their own food and stuff. They can't get off from work and school for ten days so they are coming for only a week. I also invited a cousin and her family.
I can't wait.

We are also doing the Royal Caribbean Oasis of the seas May 30th.

 

[Arielle22]

My DDs are 19 and 21. Both jump at the chance of vacations with family. My older one is going to Washington with my sister, BIL and nephew next week. She is doing well enough in college to miss the week.

My nieces are 28 and 30. If they can get time off work, they will vacation with their parents. Both live with boyfriends and are self supporting.

Personally DH and I can afford to continue paying so we will. Neither of our moms could afford to travel (dads are deceased) so when we were in our twenties, we paid to take them several places.

 

[StitchBuddy]

When I was 20 yrs old and in college (30 yrs ago), my mom asked me if I would like to join her and my grandmother on a trip to the Bahamas. Of course I was super excited and told her I would like to go. Then, she says, "Ok, your third of the trip will cost__." Imagine my surprise! I was working 2 jobs to save up my spending money for the next year of college. I felt like I had been tricked in a way. I think what she should have said was, "Your grandmother and I are going to the Bahamas, we would love for you to join us and share the cost. Would you like to go?" I ended up going, because I almost felt like I had to at that point. I think sometimes it's in how it is presented. I have an 18 yr old daughter, I am not sure yet when we will expect her to pay her share of vacation cost. But, it won't be until she is out of college. But, I think it is whatever works for your family. Grown adult children need to pay their own way. Unless, then parent is gfting a trip. My father gifted all of us lodging once in Santa Fe, New Mexico. We all had to pay for ski rental, tickets and ood. I thought that was such a nice gesture. We all went with our young families, something we couldn't have done without his gift.

 

[mom2rtk]

When I was 20 yrs old and in college (30 yrs ago), my mom asked me if I would like to join her and my grandmother on a trip to the Bahamas. Of course I was super excited and told her I would like to go. Then, she says, "Ok, your third of the trip will cost__." Imagine my surprise! I was working 2 jobs to save up my spending money for the next year of college. I felt like I had been tricked in a way. I think what she should have said was, "Your grandmother and I are going to the Bahamas, we would love for you to join us and share the cost. Would you like to go?" I ended up going, because I almost felt like I had to at that point. I think sometimes it's in how it is presented. I have an 18 yr old daughter, I am not sure yet when we will expect her to pay her share of vacation cost. But, it won't be until she is out of college. But, I think it is whatever works for your family. Grown adult children need to pay their own way. Unless, then parent is gfting a trip. My father gifted all of us lodging once in Santa Fe, New Mexico. We all had to pay for ski rental, tickets and ood. I thought that was such a nice gesture. We all went with our young families, something we couldn't have done without his gift.

I agree your mom didn't phrase that well.

And I see a big difference between paying for a full time student to vacation with your family and inviting an adult child who works and has disposable income.

 

[tasha99]

LOL Really? Man, no matter what age I was, I always wanted to vacation with my parents ESPECIALLY when I was in my twenties. first I always knew that they vacationed at a level way above my just out of college pocketbook could take.

It wasn't an either or proposition in my life. I managed to hang out with friends, have down time with hubby and get together with extended family.

I guess we are pretty lucky in that we always managed to do all of the above. Now we didn't get to do big week long vacations all the time. My in laws are from Portugal so you better believe whenever they offered to have us come over for vacation... this cookie had her backside in the plane.

My son's show no signs of not wanting to go to wdw with us. I have a dvc so usually I get a two or three bedroom villa and just invite people to come.

Next up is our family vacation August 25- september 5th. I got a grand villa at Boardwalk, Both my son's are going, they aren't even thinking about not going. I will say I'm paying for their tickets but they have to cover their own food and stuff. They can't get off from work and school for ten days so they are coming for only a week. I also invited a cousin and her family.
I can't wait.

We are also doing the Royal Caribbean Oasis of the seas May 30th.

This. I loved traveling with my mom, or my mom and my stepdad--they took me places as a young adult I never would have gone to on my own or with friends. I am so grateful that we got to do so many things together, as I lost both of them in the past two years. I'm also grateful that my teen/young adult kids like to travel with me. We have a WDW vacation planned for September that will be a blast! Of course they have friends their own age and they go on their own trips as well. It's not one or the other.

And for me the answer to the OP is never. When my daughter is 50, I'd still pay for her to go on a trip with me. Unless she wins the lottery, in which case I think I'd let her pay.

 

[NewRVLady]

When I was just graduated from college, I went with Mom and her best friend to Houston and stayed in galleria hotel ( this was the 70's- and it was very Glam) - we had SO much fun. The her friends MIL , who was very wealthy, took us to a grand restaurant that had menu with no prices..!!! Very impressive with several sub waiters

 

[manning]

What's your financial situation? If I had to choose paying for tuition or trip I would go with the tuition. How's his grades? What would missing school do to his grades?

What's his priorities? If it is vacation I, myself , would sit down with him and say you are welcome to go but beginning next semester you will be contributing to your tuition.

Choices are a part of life.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

I'm really not sure yet how we will handle this in the future, but if we were to go on vacation in the next 2 years, while dd is the only one not living at home, I think we will try to schedule it when all the kids can make it. I think it would make her even more homesick if we went on a family vacation without her while she was away at school. I find the various responses all very interesting and valid- DH and i both have much younger siblings who seemed to have it better after we left the house. (And are still being supported by the parents while now in their late 20's, but that's a different story.) So, we're sensitive to trying to include all the kids. However, we have HUGE age gaps. The kids are currently 18, 15, 7, and 5 months. I don't think that if I want to take my youngest child to Walt Disney World, that I have to continue to take DD on every vacation we go on until she is well into her 30's. And while I do think that our financial situation will improve each year, because that's just the way life goes, it's not like she didn't also get to go on WDW trips when she was younger. So if the younger ones go without the older ones a few times, it should "even out."

My master plan, however, is trying to convince DD to do the Disney College Program when she's a Junior, and my 2nd child starts college. I get a a semester break off from paying for 2 in college at the same time, and we can all go visit her on her castmember discount. It's a win-win, right?

 

[threeboysmom]

As soon as they graduate high school, they're dropped from the vacation plans, lol.

With college & work schedules after graduation, they usually couldn't go even if I offered.

 

[nkereina]

Didn't get to read all the replies, but if he still lives at home and comes on home on school breaks, etc, then I would take him. If he lives on his own in his own place, I wouldn't. My parents considered me an adult and on my own when I moved out of their house to live in a year-round off-campus apartment during college.