Assault at a Concert

[athrowaway]

This post is pretty frank about a topic some may not feel comfortable with so be advised. This is part cautionary tale and mostly catharsis. I'm a fairly long-time lurker, sometime poster. I considered just sharing under my own name, but ultimately, I'm just not comfortable with that. I had a set of tickets to see Paul McCartney in Green Bay, WI last weekend. Plans feel through for the person that was accompanying me and with school getting out everyone was busy with graduation parties so I couldn't find anyone else to go. I had considered selling the tickets, but this is kind of a once-in-a lifetime kind of thing so I decided to go alone because traveling alone isn't too big of a deal to me since I do it for work.

I went to Lambeau Field and found my seat between two couples. Everyone was really nice and friendly and the atmosphere was very welcoming which was welcome to me because of my being alone. The concert was fairly good, but of course the excitement was just seeing Paul McCartney live. He left the stage, came back and played 2 more songs. During the second to last song, the husband of one of the couples kept getting really close to me. I didn't think much of it because that happens a lot during concerts. Than it happened, I felt a touch, somewhere there really shouldn't have been. I thought maybe it was just something maybe innocent. Than it happened again, in a very, not innocent way. I backed away. I didn't know what the heck to do. This guys wife was right next to him. I turned around and looked to see if anyone was seeing what was going on. I was shaking and I was just trying to think of a way out without making a scene. It was bleacher-style seating and everyone was standing up in a mass and there wasn't an easy out. The thought that was running through my head is nobody will believe me and I'm going to spoil the concert for everyone. He kept touching me and it happened about 3 more times and I just kept backing away from him. The next song was a slow one and he grabbled my arm and linked it in with his. I pulled my arm away and put it at my side. The concert ended and we started filing out. He asked me to go to the bar with them. I declined.

As soon as we got out to the hall I darted as fast and got myself lost in the crowd. I walked around to the other side of the stadium and didn't see anyone that could help. No event workers, no security, no police or anyone. I was so mad that this person screwed up something that should have been a memory of a lifetime. On my walk I considered calling the police, but I just figured they'd tell me there was nothing they could do. I got back to my hotel room and just sat on the couch for about an hour feeling so angry and sad. I tried to go to bed, but I kept waking up again and again. I got up early and packed up my stuff and just drove home.

I've told a handful of people about it since and I've got uncomfortable silence, it couldn't have been that bad, and pretty much unanimous why didn't you do something about it. I also got a you shouldn't go anywhere alone. I'm sorry, I'm not willing to accept that. I SHOULD be able to go enjoy myself without worrying some perv is going to take advantage. I guess I don't know how I feel entirely at this point. I've been assaulted at gunpoint before and the feelings are just so much different this time. I was just so scared of everything and everyone when that happened. I've done a lot of work to move on from that, but I feel like I don't know where to start again. This time I am just so mad that someone chose to ruin something that should have been an amazing night to remember.

I did a search about stuff like this happening at concerts and it was way more prevalent than I'd ever imagined. The one article I read said the number of concert-goers surveyed at a music festival that said that they had been assaulted or harassed sexually at a concert was over 80%. If there is any takeaway from this it is that, just find a way out, ask someone next to you to switch spots and just get out. Take your phone out and type I need help and show it to another person in the crowd. I guess another obvious thing would to be to not go alone. If you have any teen-aged or college-aged kids that are going to concerts, just warn them that this does happen. I wasn't naïve enough to think these things don't happen, but I never thought it would be me as a middle aged woman at a concert featuring a 77 year old man in Green Bay, Wisconsin of all places. At any rate, thanks for listening.

 

[low-key]

unto reading this I never really thought about it, but I could see it happening a lot. I think the best and most simple soultion until secuirty if forced to catch up, is women should carry some pepper spray, that stuff will stop anyone, time I bought one, and sprayed myself to see what it like, (top 5 most stupid things I done) anyway I was done

 

[J'aime Paris]

I'm sorry this happened to you.
Inexcusable anywhere, anytime, anyplace!!

 

[tcufrog]

I had something similar happen to me at a concert when I was in college. It was my favorite British band at the time (Blur) and they were playing a much more intimate place than they would have played in England. The place was packed and at first it was awesome. Everyone there was a huge fan and knew all of the words to the songs. It was standing room only and probably broke fire code. All of a sudden I felt someone brush against my back. At first I thought it was an accident but then I realized it wasn't because the guy was "excited" if you know what I mean. He never grabbed me but he kept trying to grind against me. It didn't help that I was wearing a skirt. I was finally able to get away and I never saw who it was. Given the fact that most of the crowd was men I doubt knowing who would have been much help anyways.

I think for you the worst part was that you were in a place and situation where you didn't expect it. I know that in certain places such as the subway or a dance club I feel (unfortunately) that I have to be on guard and take certain precautions. Who expects that at a Paul McCartney concert?

 

[wenrob]

This post is pretty frank about a topic some may not feel comfortable with so be advised. This is part cautionary tale and mostly catharsis. I'm a fairly long-time lurker, sometime poster. I considered just sharing under my own name, but ultimately, I'm just not comfortable with that. I had a set of tickets to see Paul McCartney in Green Bay, WI last weekend. Plans feel through for the person that was accompanying me and with school getting out everyone was busy with graduation parties so I couldn't find anyone else to go. I had considered selling the tickets, but this is kind of a once-in-a lifetime kind of thing so I decided to go alone because traveling alone isn't too big of a deal to me since I do it for work.

I went to Lambeau Field and found my seat between two couples. Everyone was really nice and friendly and the atmosphere was very welcoming which was welcome to me because of my being alone. The concert was fairly good, but of course the excitement was just seeing Paul McCartney live. He left the stage, came back and played 2 more songs. During the second to last song, the husband of one of the couples kept getting really close to me. I didn't think much of it because that happens a lot during concerts. Than it happened, I felt a touch, somewhere there really shouldn't have been. I thought maybe it was just something maybe innocent. Than it happened again, in a very, not innocent way. I backed away. I didn't know what the heck to do. This guys wife was right next to him. I turned around and looked to see if anyone was seeing what was going on. I was shaking and I was just trying to think of a way out without making a scene. It was bleacher-style seating and everyone was standing up in a mass and there wasn't an easy out. The thought that was running through my head is nobody will believe me and I'm going to spoil the concert for everyone. He kept touching me and it happened about 3 more times and I just kept backing away from him. The next song was a slow one and he grabbled my arm and linked it in with his. I pulled my arm away and put it at my side. The concert ended and we started filing out. He asked me to go to the bar with them. I declined.

As soon as we got out to the hall I darted as fast and got myself lost in the crowd. I walked around to the other side of the stadium and didn't see anyone that could help. No event workers, no security, no police or anyone. I was so mad that this person screwed up something that should have been a memory of a lifetime. On my walk I considered calling the police, but I just figured they'd tell me there was nothing they could do. I got back to my hotel room and just sat on the couch for about an hour feeling so angry and sad. I tried to go to bed, but I kept waking up again and again. I got up early and packed up my stuff and just drove home.

I've told a handful of people about it since and I've got uncomfortable silence, it couldn't have been that bad, and pretty much unanimous why didn't you do something about it. I also got a you shouldn't go anywhere alone. I'm sorry, I'm not willing to accept that. I SHOULD be able to go enjoy myself without worrying some perv is going to take advantage. I guess I don't know how I feel entirely at this point. I've been assaulted at gunpoint before and the feelings are just so much different this time. I was just so scared of everything and everyone when that happened. I've done a lot of work to move on from that, but I feel like I don't know where to start again. This time I am just so mad that someone chose to ruin something that should have been an amazing night to remember.

I did a search about stuff like this happening at concerts and it was way more prevalent than I'd ever imagined. The one article I read said the number of concert-goers surveyed at a music festival that said that they had been assaulted or harassed sexually at a concert was over 80%. If there is any takeaway from this it is that, just find a way out, ask someone next to you to switch spots and just get out. Take your phone out and type I need help and show it to another person in the crowd. I guess another obvious thing would to be to not go alone. If you have any teen-aged or college-aged kids that are going to concerts, just warn them that this does happen. I wasn't naïve enough to think these things don't happen, but I never thought it would be me as a middle aged woman at a concert featuring a 77 year old man in Green Bay, Wisconsin of all places. At any rate, thanks for listening.

I’m really, really sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately this kind of thing happens often at any time and anywhere. I once had a guy delivering cabinets “brush” against me. At first I thought it was an accident but he tried to do it again. The crazy thing is I didn’t tell my husband about it until 15 years later when there was a delivery coming. I never realized that it had bothered me so much until then. Don’t let anyone tell you this wasn’t a big deal, it was to you. You didn’t do anything wrong and you should be able to go out and about and do things on your own without worry.

 

[wenrob]

unto reading this I never really thought about it, but I could see it happening a lot. I think the best and most simple soultion until secuirty if forced to catch up, is women should carry some pepper spray, that stuff will stop anyone, time I bought one, and sprayed myself to see what it like, (top 5 most stupid things I done) anyway I was done

No way you’d be able to get pepper spray into any venue these days.

 

[Jennasis]

I think you'd be surprised and saddened at how many people have experienced something like this. I have. It wasn't until I went through therapy for many years later (for something I thought was totally unrelated but turns out was very much a result of that experience) that I was able to process it. I mean MANY years later...like 30.

I hope your able to find peace and work through it. You are not alone.

 

[low-key]

No way you’d be able to get pepper spray into any venue these days.

you could easily sneak that in, but I get it, most people just dont break rules

 

[okeydokey]

This is so common. I was at a professional conference last year and at an evening social and a fellow attendee was grinding up against me in line to get drinks. I am still mad at myself for not turning around and telling him to F off. I am so sorry this happened to you, I know it’s frightening.

 

[wenrob]

I think you'd be surprised and saddened at how many people have experienced something like this. I have. It wasn't until I went through therapy for many years later (for something I thought was totally unrelated but turns out was very much a result of that experience) that I was able to process it. I mean MANY years later...like 30.

I hope your able to find peace and work through it. You are not alone.

I was thinking the same thing. I bet just about every woman here on the DIS has at least one story like this. Some of us several.

you could easily sneak that in, but I get it, most people just dont break rules

I don’t know if it’s not breaking rules but more about getting caught and thrown out of a show/event you’ve paid a lot of cash for. Most places you have to go through a metal detector or be “wanded” and they go through your bag.

 

[eileenjez]

I'm sorry this happened to you. For me, I had someone come up behind me very close, actually felt his breath on my neck, I balled up my fist and was turning around to let him have it when I realized it was my husbands boss. He thought he was being cute. I let him know that I didn't appreciate it and that he came very close to me hitting him. The sad part about all this is that the person who assaulted you will do it again to someone else.

 

[aprilgail]

I would be so pissed if that was me. My daughter was at some big outdoor festival in France and was groped- she was so pissed, she did scream at the guy but since he did not speak English he didn't know what she was screaming at him-she was pretty upset the whole night. The next time it happened to her some guy was rubbing against her on the train and she screamed at the top of her lungs to "knock it off and get your ***** off of me" that sure got the attention of the people around her and made the guy get off the train the next stop!

 

[mnrose]

Why is it that some (won't say most) men feel entitled to do **** like this? Where do they "learn" that this is acceptable or ok? WTH is wrong with us? For all that is holy, parents: TEACH YOUR BOYS TO KEEP THEIR HANDS TO THEMSELVES! And, mean it.

 

[lifesavacation]

I’m sorry that happened to you. Unfortunately, it’s all too common. My son’s coworker was groped by a customer last week. It can happen anywhere.

 

[disneychrista]

I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s scary.

Many years ago I was at a concert with my mom and two young daughters. At the very end a drunk guy came up to me, kisses me and walks away. I was shocked and kinda grossed out. I didn’t think of it as being assaulted, even though clearly it was.

 

[dadtoagirl03]

A swift kick to the jewels ends nonsense like that quick. Sometimes violence is the answer.

 

[luvsJack]

Women have got to learn that it is ok to scream at the assaulter to stop, or a sharp elbow to the ribs or a swift kick or even punch him in the face. Whatever it takes. Don't worry about ruining someone else's night. HE is the one ruining it, not you.

I have two sons and a daughter. Both sons have always known that they keep their hands to themselves--always. They respect any woman's personal space. And she has been taught by us and her brothers, that NO ONE has the right to touch her and if they do, she has the right to defend herself.

 

[Hikergirl]

A swift kick to the jewels ends nonsense like that quick. Sometimes violence is the answer.

Agreed.

I'm sorry this happened to you OP and you are right you shouldn't have to worry about this kind of stuff, but the sad fact is you do. I don't know a single woman who hasn't been touched or groped by some ******* who thinks nothing of putting his hands on a woman just because he wants too.
Women need to speak up, scream, yell or physically defend themselves when it happens.
Women are not to blame for these creeps doing what they do but as long as we "take it" from them they will continue to do it. They know it's wrong but they know 99% of the time they get away with it.

 

[china mom]

..... The thought that was running through my head is nobody will believe me and I'm going to spoil the concert for everyone. ......

Sadly, this is a very, very common response to sexual assault and it is a freaking shame. I believe you and, I think most people (except maybe the wife) would have believed you if you had yelled at him to stop touching you but this is the exact reason that sexual assault and rape are the most under reported crimes.... fear of not being believed and shame.

I hope you realize now that if you had created a scene, it would not have been you who spoiled the concert for everyone but rather the creepy perv who spoiled it.

 

[wenrob]

Women have got to learn that it is ok to scream at the assaulter to stop, or a sharp elbow to the ribs or a swift kick or even punch him in the face. Whatever it takes. Don't worry about ruining someone else's night. HE is the one ruining it, not you.

I have two sons and a daughter. Both sons have always known that they keep their hands to themselves--always. They respect any woman's personal space. And she has been taught by us and her brothers, that NO ONE has the right to touch her and if they do, she has the right to defend herself.

I think a lot of the time you are stunned by it and then you start doubting yourself. Like, “did that really happen?” Then they think they got away with it and try again. Now suddenly you’re afraid. You have the whole freeze, flight or fight thing going on. You never know how you’re going to react. The story I told above, I froze but there have been other times where I fought back. (Bit a guy and came close to breaking another’s fingers)