Asking for some advice

[littleangie]

okay so a few days ago i posted this thread, http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2270616. i made this thread to get your opinions. Well the deal is that my mom has bought the first dress. She wanted to buy my wedding dress. But this past weekend i went bridesmaid dress shopping and saw dress number 2 and feel completely in love with it. So here is what i need advice for: How do i confront my mom about the first dress is no longer "the Dress"? We ordered the dress back in Feb. and it has came in and i have to go get it. The store only does final sale no exceptions. I understand that she doesn't want to pay that much for a second dress. So should i just face it and wear the dress that my mom has already bought and not be completely happy with it? I know i should be happy no matter what but my wedding day is my day for me to be happy. I just don't know what to do about the dress.

Sorry i went on and on. I'm sorry. I just needed someone to talk to that might understand my situation.

Thanks ahead time for the advice.

 

[Whitewater]

Well, there are a few issues here but it's not an uncommon dilemma. The easy solution would be to wear Mom's fav. for the ceremony and then wear your fav for the reception, BUT there are a few questions to answer in order for this to work, and only you will know the answers.

A) Can you afford to pay for 'your' dress yourself?

B) Will there be somewhere for you to change, and fix hair/makeup?

C) Will your mom totally freak out if you don't wear 'her' dress the entire time?

D) What does your groom think about this?

And I'm sure you'll be able to think up more questions. But that would be my answer, just wear both of them and you and your mom will both be happy!


Whitewater (a recent bride!)

 

[chesterpdt186]

Ok, I would suggest sticking with the dress you already have. You are better of taking the money that you would spend on the second dress and Blowit on durring your honeymoon.

You do not want to alienate your mother, which is what will happen.

Now this only applies if you actually liked the original dress. Does it fit you well and do you feel special in it. Did you actually pick the original dress or was it all on your mother.

If you answered 2 of the 3 you will be happy in your wedding. Look beautiful in your pictures, and not have any issues with your mother.

I wish you the best with your wedding. I know I am a guy but my wife made me make 95% of the wedding decisions even dealing with her family.

 

[CharacterFan]

Talk to your mom about it. You could talk to her about selling the first dress on ebay or elsewhere and putting that towards the 2nd dress, or wearing one for the ceremony and one at the reception.

 

[Sarah <3 Disney]

I would talk to her about it as well. Insist that you fell in love with the other, and either offer to pay for the second one, or, like CharacterFan said, help sell the first one. This would be my first choice.

You could always wear one for the reception, and one for the ceremony, but the idea of changing always seemed like a bit of a hassle to me. But, it is still an option.

If she remains adamant about keeping this one dress, I would suggest getting a different (smaller) veil or skipping the veil altogether. There is just too much fabric going on for your frame. I would think just having your hair down in curls with a pretty headband/tiara would be very fitting for that dress.

And then there is always the buy-the-second-dress-and-plan-a-vow-renewal part!

 

[carmiedog]

I was going to say stick with the original dress and be happy with it. a) You DID like it when you first picked it. b) It'd be incredibly rude to switch after your mom paid for the first dress. c) You might find ANOTHER dress you like even better than the second...what would you do then?

BUT THEN, I followed the link and saw the pictures. On your wedding day ou'll look beautiful in either, but the 2nd is way more classy and much better for your body type. Talk with your mom. It's not worth a huge fight over (depending on your relationship with your mom ). But if she agrees that the 2nd one looks great on you, I think you should pay her back for the first AND pay for the 2nd yourself, unless she offers to help.

 

[MrsSpratt]

I can't find the second dress!

 

[girli565]

The second dress is gorgeous! Go with your gut, you don't want to look back at your wedding pictures and think, "man I should have chosen the other dress."

 

[PrincessShea]

I would have extreme and crushing guilt over my mom spending even more money on my dress. I refused to let her pay for mine just due to the guilt...so I can't imagine asking her to spend even more. But that's just me.

I'm also one of the 4 people who voted that you looked better in the first one, so take that into account as well.

 

[lpizzuro123]

First of all, both dresses are beautiful. I was originally going to go with an Alfred Angelo dress with red trim like your first dress. I did end up going with an all white dress but whenever I see a dress with red trim I do feel a tug at my heart. After our wedding I did show the dress with the red trim to my DH and he perferred the all white.

I love both dresses on you and if you stick with the first one, I would definately do what a previous poster suggested - a smaller veil. The red trim and because it is so long is just too overpowering. I think a shorter veil with no color trim would look better on you because you are so small.

Keep us posted as to what you decide.

Linda

 

[JandJ]

I was going to say stick with the original dress and be happy with it. a) You DID like it when you first picked it. b) It'd be incredibly rude to switch after your mom paid for the first dress. c) You might find ANOTHER dress you like even better than the second...what would you do then?

BUT THEN, I followed the link and saw the pictures. On your wedding day ou'll look beautiful in either, but the 2nd is way more classy and much better for your body type. Talk with your mom. It's not worth a huge fight over (depending on your relationship with your mom ). But if she agrees that the 2nd one looks great on you, I think you should pay her back for the first AND pay for the 2nd yourself, unless she offers to help.

Ditto! The first dress is pretty, but the second dress is "YOU!" I have no idea what your, or your mom's, financial situations are or how much the dresses cost, but if you can afford the second dress, maybe after selling the first on e-bay or at a consignment shop, I'd go with the second - it looks amazing on you!

 

[pezaddict231]

I would say talk to your mom about it and see what she thinks. She might be okay with you trying to sell the dress, or if it upsets her maybe wear the first dress for the ceremony and the second for the reception. It shouldn't be that much of a hassle to change in between. Definitely show her pictures of the second dress and maybe take her to see it in person so she'll feel involved.

 

[redrosesix]

The two dresses couldn't be more different, since the red on the first dress really stands out. I prefer Dress #2, but I have to ask: who picked out the first one? how many did you try on? and has your mother seen you in the 2nd dress?

I would talk to your mother -- hint around it if you want to get a feeling of how she'll react. If you decide to go with the 2nd dress, try to sell the first one and be prepared to make up the difference in cost yourself ie. with no more money from mom. JMHO, but if it's not important enough to you for you to pay for it yourself, then it's not important enough to switch dresses.

 

[cymbaldiva]

I think that I must have missed something - if the first dress was ordered in February, then why are you looking for opinions in August? Sounds like the first dress has been a done deal for quite some time....

 

[carmiedog]

Looking at the pictures again. Others are right. What I don't like about the first dress is the veil. It's just way too much, both the fabric and the red trim. I'd love to see a picture of the dress without the veil.

 

[littleangie]

I think that I must have missed something - if the first dress was ordered in February, then why are you looking for opinions in August? Sounds like the first dress has been a done deal for quite some time....

okay heres the deal. When we bought that dress we loved it but then me and my mom started feeling different about it. Also this past weekend i went shopping for bridesmaid dresses. While we were in the shop i saw the second dress and feel in love with it.

 

[Beep]

You say that you and your Mom started feeling differently about the first dress so maybe she is expecitng you to say you don't want it anymore.

I'd talk to her and see what she says.

I voted dress 2 by the way. I really think you need to be quite tall to carry that style, whereas the other style suits your height much better IMHO.

 

[carmiedog]

Just curious where you are on this before it gets buried on page 14. I keep waffling on which I like better on you.

 

[IrishLily]

It depends on

A. Your mom and how she would react

B. Money

Just based on the fact that she bought the dress for you, and apparently also had waivering feelings regarding it after purchase, I doubt she would fly off the handle and create a big to-do. She's a woman, and probably knows how a girl wants what she wants when it comes to her wedding. I'm sure she would rather you feel beautiful on your wedding day than regretting your dress choice. Especially when you pay so much for photography...the less the regrets the better.

It's going to be hard to broach the subject with her regardless, but I would definitely say that you should pay for the 2nd dress, and then sell the other. That way your mother can recoup some of her loss. Of course she will not be happy that she essentially wasted money, but in my opinion it will still be a waste of money if you stay with the dress that you don't really feel perfect in. Emotions are priceless after all!

With that said, make sure you are 100% on this dress. Most, if not all, bridal shops do not allow returns or even exchanges. Go to as many bridal stores as you can just to make sure. Then remember that the price of the dress is not the only price you will be paying. Alterations, especially with lace or beading can get very expensive. Mine were over $400. Plus the bustle. I think that both may be the same price in terms of bustling and alterations, but if you have to pay for the second dress then this may be a factor.

Like someone else said, if you aren't willing or able to afford the second dress than it isn't really worth it. And, maybe it's fate's way of telling you that dress #1 is better.