Aren't kids afraid of their parents anymore???

[vivilasvegas]

Just watching my neighbor and her kids today, and the way they talk to their mom.....I would have a permanent hand mark on my face if I had done that to my parents.

I was afraid of my parents! I mean that if I did something wrong, I knew there would be consequences and they wouldn't be fun!!

In my life, I feel that has helped me make the right choices. To this day, I'm still a little scared of my father. When I'm about to do something that is probably stupid, I think of what he would say, and I change my mind. This isn't to say we had a bad relationship, in fact it's the opposite, but I always have in the back of my mind my dad's voice and that vein that would come out when he was mad!

I know people say that they'd never raise their kids the way their parents did, but if I have children, I hope to be half as good as my parents were.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I have vowed not to raise my kids with my fist. My mother used to beat me, and I won't do that to my kids.

BUT...my DD got a warning from me last week. She is 7 turning 8 in July, and she is starting to get real mouthy, and with a not-so-nice attitude toward me. She thinks I am going to take that? HELL NO.

So, after sending her to her room for mouthing off, she was finally allowed to come out after she promised to change her attitude. That lasted for all of 5 minutes, until I told her no to something she asked to do. Here comes the mouth and the attitude. It took all my strength to keep from grabbing her. So, I told her what MY MOM would of done to me if I DARED talk to her like she was talking to me. I told her to look at the kitchen floor. I said now imagine someone sweeping it, not with a broom, but WITH ME. My mother would clean the floor with me. I told her, if she kept it up, just ONCE she was going to find out what it feels like to be a broom. I was serious. I am on the verge.

It must of struck a nerve with her, because that was last week, and she really has controlled her mouth. Time will tell. Right now, far removed from the moment, I can't imagine hitting my kids, but if she continues to push my buttons like she is so good at, it might not be that hard. I refuse to raise a child with no respect.

 

[vivilasvegas]

I'm not talking about beating my kids!

My dad's tone and words were enough most times.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I'm not talking about beating my kids!

My dad's tone and words were enough most times.

Oh I hear ya there! My mom was the one who hit. My dad never laid a finger on us girls. But all he had to do was yell one of our names, and we crapped our pants.

 

[CEDmom]

I have to agree with you. I can count on 1 hand the number of times I got spanked as a child. It was usually for something like running into the street. Anyway, my mom never believed in "wait until your father comes home". She was definitely the disciplinarian is our house. You knew you were really in for it when she lowered her voice to almost a whisper and gritted her teeth. She and I have a wonderful relationship to this day; just don't mess with her.

My DD knows I mean business but she still will ocassionally try something she knows will land her in a time-out. Forget DH though, she's Daddy's little girl and she knows how to play him .

Edited to add:

I agree with those that say they don't want to instill fear just respect. If I do things to make my DD afraid of me how can I expect her to come to me when she's hurting or in trouble?

 

[Disney Doll]

You know, to this day I have no idea how they did it, but my parents raised us to have a significant amount of respect for them, and I think I got spanked maybe 4 times in my entire life, if that.

I think the biggest thing is that they gained control of us at a young age. There's was no excuses made like "well, she's only 4". At 4, we were expected to behave a certain way. That's not to say we didn't misbehave, but there were not 25 chances, and "I'll count to 10" and all that baloney. You were corrected once. If you did it again, you were punished, and the punishment was punishment...not being sent to your room with a TV, an iPod, a computer and 47 CDs to play with. The punishments were things like raking the yard, cleaning the basement. Stuff that was not fun.

I can remember being a kid and we were at dinner one night at a Howard Johnson's and I was misbehaving and my mother told me that if I misbehaved one more time that she and I would sit in the car while my father & brother finished their dinner and had dessert. I didn't believe her. I figured, in all my 7 year old wisdom, that she would never leave a restaurant dinner. Well, how wrong I was!!! I acted up again, and she and I sat in the car till my brother and father finished dinner and dessert!!!!

That taught me a lesson...they meant what they said.

Perhaps some of the problem these days is many parents don't want to forego things that they would enjoy, so they threaten but don't follow through, so kids never learn consequences of actions.

I have a nephew, now grown, who was a mouthy kid. He and I had it out one evening when we were babysitting, and I basically told him that however other people allowed him to treat them was thier business, but he treated me was my business and he would treat me with respect or he and I wouldn't have anything to do with each other. And I walked away from him. To this day, he remembers that conversation. He has warned other nieces and nephews to "watch out because she means what she says". A friend of mine says "you get the oldest one in line and the rest fall in behind him" and it's true.

I just know that I agree that if I ever spoke to my parents in the tone of voice I have heard some kids use, that my life would not have been very happy or fun.

 

[RitaZ.]

Forget DH though, she's Daddy's little girl and she knows how to play him .

I have the same problem with DH, DD just knows how to play him. Sometimes when we go out, she'll ask me for something and I'll say that she can't have it. Her response, "Daddy would buy it for me".

 

[sha_lyn]

IMHO children shouldn't be "afraid" of their parents but they should be taught to respect authority and should expect punishment when they show a lack of respect.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

IMHO children shouldn't be "afraid" of their parents but they should be taught to respect authority and should expect punishment when they show a lack of respect.

That's a good way to put it. I was raised to respect my parents, and my kids have been, too. They almost never mouth off at me, and when they do, I bring their attention to it, and they apologize & we're okay.

 

[lw49033]

I agree--kids shouldn't be afraid of their parents as such, but they should be afraid of the consequences of misbehaving. I remember the dry mouth and sweating feet I would have when I knew a bare-butt spanking was on the way from mom's paddle, and it kept me out of lots of trouble, believe me!

 

[tworkit]

Many parents today wanna be their childs friend not their parents. My parents only had to give me the look and most times if that didn't work I knew the big black belt was coming out. I thank them often for the spankings I got with that belt as it kept me out of a lot of potential trouble.

I agree that you have to teach your kids to respect (not fear) your from a young age, because if you wait too long other influences teach them how to act and it may not be the right influences.

My three year old already knows the look!

 

[Evil Genius]

Parents are too busy being their children's friends. They don't want to hurt their child's feelings. My mom was not my "friend" growing up. She was my mother. Cross her and you had it coming.

 

[Evil Genius]

tworkit - looks like great minds think alike!!

 

[mickeyboat]

I want my children to grow up with a strong sense of right and wrong, and a strong sense of moral responsibility - to do the right thing because it is the right thing, or the best thing to do, not because of what will happen if Mom doesn't like it.

Fear will not teach them that. I don't want them to be afraid of me - either because I am going to beat them physically or beat them down emotionally.

We use a lot of natural consequences and clear punishments in our house. If you do this, then that will happen, consistency is key.

But it's not always easy. Kids are here to test us. I'll say it again, if kids were born perfect, they wouldn't need parents. It is a parent's job to guide their children, not to scare them. If there was a perfect way to be a parent, then we would all be perfect. It's a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of endeavor, and most of us are doing the best we can.

So criticize, complain and judge all you want. You really don't know what you would do unless you are in someone else's shoes.

Denae

 

[lw49033]

Evil, twork, I totally agree with both of you. My mom, me and my brothers were a very close family growing up, but not close in a way that let us forget for a single second who was the boss. When mom told us to do something we didn't ask why. And if we screwed up and got bent over the couch for a spanking, we knew we had it coming--we didn't blame mom for doing her job!

 

[budbeerlady]

Evil, twork, I totally agree with both of you. My mom, me and my brothers were a very close family growing up, but not close in a way that let us forget for a single second who was the boss. When mom told us to do something we didn't ask why. And if we screwed up and got bent over the couch for a spanking, we knew we had it coming--we didn't blame mom for doing her job!

That is how I grew up. My parents didnt beat me and we will never beat dd. But I did get a couple of good spankings that kept the fear in me, and if I sassed my mom the way I see alot of kids do I know I would have the back of her hand on my face. It never happened but I knew it could if she needed to. It's respect, I still would never swear in the hearing distance of my mom if I dropped a load of bricks on my foot. I was about 10 and I took some candy from a store and my mom found it. I spent 6 saturdays that summer digging rocks out of an area for her flower garden. It sucked! (Mom still has a flower garden there, after 19 years) But lesson learned and I would do the same thing to dd if the need arises. Its also the little things, please and thankyou. DD gets complimented often on her good manners, which I think is odd because I would expect all kids say please and thankyou. But I also know alot of adults who dont use their manners and that really irritates me.

 

[pearlieq]

Respect yes, fear no. I don't believe in physical discipline.

 

[lw49033]

I want my children to grow up with a strong sense of right and wrong, and a strong sense of moral responsibility - to do the right thing because it is the right thing, or the best thing to do, not because of what will happen if Mom doesn't like it.

But the two aren't mutually exclusive. Do you obey the traffic laws because you consciously realize that they are good, or because you will get a ticket if you don't? Most people, if they introspect, would say it's both at the same time.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It is great if you had great parents. But mine came from abuse and did not raise us well. DH's parents were "absent" dad was gone, mom was mentally ill.

Not everyone had the best parenting to model after, so you are going to see alot of parents who try to do what they can.

 

[mylilnikita]

I think other posters are correct that parents want to be friends with their kids. Not me, I have plenty of friends. And some of it I think is kids now know that they can call Social Services if you hit them and I have heard kids say that to their parents.Now I will spank DD, but spanks are very little.

I hardly had any spanks when I was young-38 now-but my parents had a look, or they would say my whole name and I knew I was in for it. My grandmother was the type to make you go pick your own switch and not be funny and pick up a little twig and wash the mouth out with soap-but I didn't know what that was a bad word.