Are you "that" parent?

[MushyMushy]

I am that parent. I have a child with special needs and in this city they do as little as possible, as a way to save money. I feel badly for the kids who don't have "that" parent who are NOT getting the education they deserve. Our special ed director is a bully and if he can intimidate a parent into conceding to getting fewer services he's happy.

I am that parent- and proud of it.

It's far too easy for others to label us as "helicopter" parents when they don't have a child with special needs.

We've got a crappy special ed director too (not just saying this as a parent, but I also know special ed teachers who think she's worthless), and it was a constant fight just to get basic services. Until someone has to advocate, and I mean *really* advocate for their kid, they have no clue of the brick wall they're up against in the school administration.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

It's far too easy for others to label us as "helicopter" parents when they don't have a child with special needs.

We've got a crappy special ed director too (not just saying this as a parent, but I also know special ed teachers who think she's worthless), and it was a constant fight just to get basic services. Until someone has to advocate, and I mean *really* advocate for their kid, they have no clue of the brick wall they're up against in the school administration.

If one's child cannot stick up for themselves, then the "rules" around parental involvement and behavior change. I think that any reasonable person would agree to that. However, there are way more helicopter parents protecting their "snowflakes" than there are legit reasons like yours.

 

[TeriofTerror]

My parents generally had a rule that if I got into trouble at school I'd get into twice as much when I got home. I obviously avoided trouble, as my parents took the whole "spare the rod" thing literally. Of course, parenting has evolved since then!

My daughter had one, er, issue in 1st grade. She discovered that even without the belt I faced, parental displeasure is not very enjoyable, and school ever since (she's a freshman now) has been pretty worry-free. I tend to be a control freak at home, so I try to make school the place where she learns to resolve issues for herself, without my interference!

I don't know that I agree that teachers should be used to handling "that parent". Anyone who has worked in sales or retail knows what it's like to deal with "that customer", and I wouldn't wish that on anyone!

 

[WDWMom]

I voted other, because I am not "that" parent, but not because I bite my tongue, or because I would never question the principal. I'm not "that parent" because I choose my battles, I follow a chain (meaning I don't dial the principal first when there are problems,) I am open to both sides of the story, I listen, I don't attack and I'm not defensive. I try to work with the school if there is a problem.

Same here

 

[SnowWhite607]

I try not to be, but I had to ONCE this year. A boy told my DD9 he was going to bring a knife to school and kill her. This is in a school where they have a zero tolerance for bullying. This kid had been kicked out of 2 or 3 schools already for behavior issues. The principal did NOTHING, and I truly mean nothing, not even move his seat! (he instructed the teacher not to move him or call attention to this in any way, kinda wanted to sweep it under the rug so to speak.We wouldnt want to be mean or discriminate against the lad, now would we??) Well my DD was scared to go to school so I had a "Come to Jesus" meeting with the principal.

Then he also insinuated that I was an uncaring parent since I didnt want to come sit up there in class with her daily and "really get to know this kid because he is a nice boy." The fact that I have a full time job didnt seem to matter, just if I didnt want to go back to 3rd grade, I must not care.

I figure, they are caring for the most precious thing in my life. And I have no problem with letting the school do their job (I am a teacher myself so I know I hate parents who hover but if I am doing something wrong, I expect to be called on it.) but if you arent doing it right (according to the rules set forth by the school and the school board), expect to hear from me.

 

[disfan07]

I think "that" parent is the one who thinks that their child can do no wrong. That if their child comes home and whines or cries about something that happened, it is automatically the other childs fault, or the schools fault, or th eteachers fault.

We had these in preschool. "That" parent was not the one who asked us about what we were doing in class, or the one who wanted to know about the outside events we were having, or wanted to know how their child was doing.
The parents we detested were the ones who when their child would get in trouble it was all "i want to talk to the director becaus emy child would NEVER do that" or my child would never hit another child or take another toy. Or our favorite one was one child whos parent told us that her food had to be heated to exactly 160 degrees (we had microwaves in teh class room...like we really had a thermometer...if it was hot it was done) and that child was not allowed to eat anythign that we provided at school because it wasnt organic (it was a jewish community center...she couldnt even have challah on fridays, or latkes when we made them for hanukkah, etc)....but those parents were crazy...no one could stand them

There's a difference between being involved in your childs education and being overprotective, helicopter like, etc.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

I agree with the poster who said I will be that parent when I have to be. Most of the time I don't.


My DS 8's 2nd grade teacher was shocked when I didn't blame her or the school when my DS came home with his bangs cut all jagged and short. It seems some other boy in the bathroom had decided to play barber that day. I know how kids are, and how quick it could have happened. I also know my son had to take some of the blame for allowing it to happen. The teacher kept saying she couldn't believe how calm I was about it. She even brought it up at conferences again.

However- I'm getting ready to be that parent with the bus driver! DS 9 only has trouble with 1 kid on the bus, and the bus driver keeps seating him next to that kid. DS came home yesterday all upset because the kid was pulling his hair. All I ask is he not sit next to the 1 kid. I told DS if she doesn't move him today, I will be calling her. I'm trying to let her handle it, but its hard.

 

[luvsJack]

I am not that parent but I chose other because the reasons didn't fit.

I will contact the school if I deem it necessary; I just very rarely find it necessary.

Some of the biggest things I have had to really speak my mind about have been bullies (both to my kids and to other kids) and a former principal's weird idea of handling a bully situation. The two boys were not bothering my kids, but had such an impact on what was going on in the school that boys 4th-8th grade could not go to the bathroom without an escort (one of the girls). Supposedly to control the "fighting" but it was actually to control two boys sticking other boys' heads in the urinals. Another parent and I went all the way to the school board; got a new principal the next year.

Other than that I rarely contact the school with a complaint.

 

[iwrbnd]

Being a teacher myself I try to stay as "low-maintenance" as possible but there have been times...! We are our children's biggest advocates and sometimes we have to stand up for them. I just try to leave the little things alone and only let "mama bear" out when absolutely necessary!

 

[PatsGirl]

If one's child cannot stick up for themselves, then the "rules" around parental involvement and behavior change. I think that any reasonable person would agree to that. However, there are way more helicopter parents protecting their "snowflakes" than there are legit reasons like yours.

So often, posts on this board (and others) turn to situations that are out of the realm so to speak. I don't think anyone here has a problem with a parent advocating for their child with special needs, I certainly do not

Yes, we are talking "snowflakes" here people and the people who "parent" them, a term I am using loosely

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I learned a long time ago to choose my battles carefully.

 

[mamacatnv]

I think "that" parent is the one who thinks that their child can do no wrong. That if their child comes home and whines or cries about something that happened, it is automatically the other childs fault, or the schools fault, or th eteachers fault.

There's a difference between being involved in your childs education and being overprotective, helicopter like, etc.

Well defined.
I don't bite my tongue nor do I rush the school, sports league, employer/boss etc. when my "angels" start flapping their gums about some "offense" or "unfairness" that has had the audacity to bestow itself upon them. Life is tough, deal with it and sort it out.
I voted other

 

[Mermaid02]

It's far too easy for others to label us as "helicopter" parents when they don't have a child with special needs.

We've got a crappy special ed director too (not just saying this as a parent, but I also know special ed teachers who think she's worthless), and it was a constant fight just to get basic services. Until someone has to advocate, and I mean *really* advocate for their kid, they have no clue of the brick wall they're up against in the school administration.

My sister in law is a special ed teacher and she was appalled at the lack of services offered to us/our son. When she told the director what would be done for him in her school (in east nowhere Maine) he said, "Maybe they should move."

If one's child cannot stick up for themselves, then the "rules" around parental involvement and behavior change. I think that any reasonable person would agree to that. However, there are way more helicopter parents protecting their "snowflakes" than there are legit reasons like yours.

Our sons issues are not obvious, nor are they any of the other parents business. I'm sure many deem me as one protecting my "snowflake" when in reality the don't have a *bleeping* clue what is going on. That being said, you are right... there are more of "that parent" here than admitted it!

 

[hedgehog2owl]

Kindergarten was a horrible year like a previous poster stated. it was the teachers first year and she was a horror show.
lied, lied lied about everything she said. my kids learned some rather inappropriate things that year. Like Shut your Pie hole.( she thought it was funny) I did not.
They repeated the N word from another child I emailed the teacher said it was to be taken care of ASAP. she said she would. A week later I get a call into the principals office. that my child had said the N word and where did he hear it. Ahhh well you see????
principal calls in teacher. Teachers Lies denies that any conversation ever took place. But by then october I was only communicating by email. So i had my emails and my responses.
which when I told the principal I had she requested on about April. I gave her every email documentation and every response from the teacher.
That teacher no longer works there. But I ended up working there have been there 3 years now. So I guess you can infer from that who was the issue.

It was a hard, hard year and I totally was THAT parent.

Now 2 years after that not one issue. room mother for both od my twins. ended up close friends with one sons teachers. this year not so much. Actually removed my kids from a class before school even started by call the superintendant. got new teachers. Love one the other really not much of an opinion.
Had a situation with my child at recess which I saw from my vantage point at my school and did call and report it. Normally I wouldn't call if my child told me because I know half is usually true. but this I watched myself. I am quite sure the monitor who was suppossed to be watching is angry but ahh well. watch them better!!!!
So in short I am both when I need to be . other times not so much!

wow reading this thread makes me feel so grateful for our kindy teacher

I am a room mother, but I don't think I am too pushy or anything though. I do volunteer alot but I do say "unless somebody else would like a turn" because I don't want to hog everything

 

[LaraK]

Thinking about it more, most of my "conversations" with the school (all respectful but very firm) are about my son's medical issues. Because he's allergic to almost all food, I'm pretty protective of him. It really irritates the mess out of me that so many activities revolve around food. I once had a full crying meltdown over tootsie rolls (you sent money to school and the older class would deliver an "I love you" note with the tootsie roll...my son is allergic to chocolate...so since I didn't send him the tootsie roll, would he think I didn't love him?)

I did NOT however call the school over the stupid tootsie rolls. I could have demanded a food free classroom, but I didn't do that either because I didn't want the other parents to hate me. At the same time, I did register a complaint that so many activities revolve around food (it's not just my kid, with the childhood obesity epidemic you'd think we'd get away from that). When I did I wondered if I was being "that parent"?

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I agree that it isn't being "that parent" when you are genuinely advocating for your child. I also agree that schools prefer NOT to offer services if they think they can get away with it.

My DS qualifies to have a 504, but he currently doesn't have one. The deal is, he has a diagnosis that would allow him to have modifications. BUT right now he is able to handle things as they are assigned and he is on A/B honor roll. If he starts to struggle you can bet I will be at the school demanding that they give him a new 504 if I think having some modifications would make a difference.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...At the same time, I did register a complaint that so many activities revolve around food (it's not just my kid, with the childhood obesity epidemic you'd think we'd get away from that). When I did I wondered if I was being "that parent"?

You are clearly able to see this through the lens of the other parents, so you don't take it too far. We had a mother with a child who had a peanut alergy try to get all external food banned, and to get all food with any nuts banned from the school menu. She was a nut job...

 

[LaraK]

You are clearly able to see this through the lens of the other parents, so you don't take it too far. We had a mother with a child who had a peanut alergy try to get all external food banned, and to get all food with any nuts banned from the school menu. She was a nut job...

Yeah, I do try to see it through other people's eyes....BUT, my kid can get sick if your kid doesn't wash his hands after eating his peanut butter sandwich. My son sits at a special table...his food is safe for the peanut allergic kids that sit with him, but their food isn't safe for my multi-food allergic kid. I can't ask other people to take all the foods he's allergic to out of their eating patterns, but if he gets worse I may have to make them take it out of the classroom and my kid will go to the nurse's office at meal times instead of the cafeteria. I have to be "that parent" to keep my kid safe.