Are you in a book club? I need advice for mine...........

[SnowWhite607]

I am in a book club and I am the unofficial leader. We have been meeting for 4-5 years now. There are primarily 2 groups......one with older children in school and the other with smaller children that are at home whether due to age of the children (babies), homeschooling, etc. So we were deciding when to meet and in order to accomodate those with children at home, we chose evenings (so their husbands could be at home to watch the children and mommy could go to the meeting). Now comes the problem. The first group with the older children have rearranged their schedules in order to make the meetings in the evenings. The older the children get, the more activities they are in and the harder it gets. The ones with small children at home (who are the ones who needed to have the meetings at night) do not even show up to the meetings! There is always some excuse.......I want to stay home on the couch, I have a visitor, I didnt get to finish the book, I didnt get to start the book, etc etc.

It would be much more convenient for the ones who truly are involved in book club to meet during the day. This of course would leave out group #2, but they dont bother to show up but about 20% of the time anyway.

Would it be rude/mean/inconsiderate to say we are moving the meetings to daytimes to accomodate more of us KNOWING that this would essentially leave out 3 members? (out of 9 total members) Or should the first group continue to rework the schedule of their whole families based on the needs of 3 other people who dont even show up most of the time?

How would you go about making a change like this? Or would you?

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

I would. The book club depends upon people truly wanting to read the book and then discuss it.

I would try to present the change as something that has become apparent from the recent (pick a timeframe, three past meetings, ect.) attendance.

"Therefore, the meeting time has been changed to reflect the needs of the majority of participants."

The point is to have an active, lively discussion, eh?

Good luck to you! Book clubs can be wonderful when they work!

 

[DVCLiz]

I've been a member of a book club for more than 20 years - same group of neighborhood women. In that time span we've all had babies and raised our families - we've switched from giving books to members with new babies to giving books as memorials for lost parents. The youngest baby is now in middle school and most are almost through high school, in college, or graduated and adults on their own.

In all that time we have met the second Thursday of the month at 7:30pm. It's really no hardship once a month to make advance carpool arrangements for a sports practice, etc. or to come a little late if need be. Some people have droppped back when they had really busy schedules, or taken a leave of absence.

If you move the meetings to the daytime you are saying to those who can't get free that they are no longer welcome in your group. You have to decide whether the fallout is worth it. Are these women going to be hurt and feel excluded or will they say it suits them fine and they will just find another group or wait until they have a more flexible daytime schedule?

Personally, I'd keep the meeting at night and accomodate everyone.

 

[Kae]

I would talk to the ones that keep missing maybe & they would like to pass on the book club at this time. I would maybe at the next meeting discuss this with the members that are there. The last book club I was in we kept asking for lighter books around the holidays & summer we only met once in the summer but make a "beach" read. And the they kept picking longer & more "downer" type books. so most of us left. Or another book in the Outlander series which only half of us enjoyed.

Kae

 

[anniemae]

I would e-mail or hand out a questioneer type thing to all members and ask them to state their availability. Ask the times that are best for them and the times they absolutely cannot attend. You can explain that based on the majority, you will be picking the new date and time. That way it seems more fair then just changing the date and time on your own.

Also, maybe once in a while you can have a special Sunday brunch book club meeting to accomodate everyone. Spouses would be home to watch the little ones and there are usually no activities on Sunday mornings.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Love the email questionaire.

 

[HM]

Our book club meets the first Thursday of each month at 7pm. I think we probably have a total of about 20 members but we never have everyone at any one meeting. We vote on the book for the following month at each meeting and decide who is going to host. So if you aren't there and don't email ideas, you don't get a say in the next month's choice.

I would not move the meeting. If the same people continue to not participate, you might just ask them if they'd prefer to be left off the list of members. Things do change and people do set new priorities in their lives and maybe book club just comes lower on the totem pole now.

 

[MariDisney]

I have been involved in several book clubs. We've had 2 systems, basically. The first is that the book club is a set night per month, like the PP mentioned, it would be every 3rd Thursday at 7:00. The second way, which is the way my current group does it, is that the person who picks the book and leads the discussion also picks the day/time/location of the meet. There is little discussion about it. If you can come then come, if you can't than don't. There are no hard feelings. Some people make it every time, some less regularly. It is working for us. The nice thing about this one is that we're getting a variety of experiences. Some people have had us for breakfast early on a Saturday morning in their home. Some have had us for wine and munchies on a weeknight. Sometimes we meet at a coffee shop, etc.

 

[emma'smom]

For now, I would switch to every other meeting being daytime vs. evening on a trial basis. Then see if it really is much easier for one group or another and if the other group just doesn't show at either time. Then (after maybe 4 months--so two sessions at each time) pick the time that works best for the ones who do show up---but offer to keep everyone on the email list.

I'm in two book clubs (in theory), but I actually haven't attended one of them in almost a year (which is why I say "in theory"). It meets on the 4th Tuesday of the month and my husbands work schedule now requires him to travel every other Tuesday and it just has always hit on that Tuesday. Since the book club meets in the later evening (8:00ish) it makes child care/bed times hard. So, I let this group know about my scheduling issue and I don't think they "count" me in their official planning right now, but I am on the list so that I can keep up with the books and drop in when I can make it. I still see the members in other activities, so I still engage in casual banter about the books at other times.

My other group is a group of moms with preschool/elementary school kids. I've made it to this one a bit more since it meets on the 3rd Tuesday (and thus my DH is in town). This group usually meets around 8:00ish too, but will sometimes switch days if helps people's schedules. This one sometimes meets at restaurants for book talk and happy hour drinks---so it is kind of like a Girls Night Out too.

This group did decide to start meeting around 6:30 at one point because it was easier for some of the younger moms with babies to nurse. At that point, I just didn't go since I was busy with my own kids' activities and dinner time. Eventually, needs changed and the group switched back to a later time.

We'll also meet on a Saturday or Sunday morning once or twice a year for brunch (started doing this around the holidays one year) which means more folks will juggle their schedules to attend....but probably wouldn't want to give up this day/time regularly.

My point, set up a schedule that works for the majority of the group----but you don't have to "cut off" the other members. Keep them on the email list and plan occasional events that everyone can attend.

 

[pperfectmom]

We always meet on Sunday afternoons about every 6-8 weeks. This schedule seems to accomodate everyone since there are very few school activities on Sundays and the Dads can stay home with the kids. Our dates are never determined until the meeting before. The person whose turn it is to pick a book usually says what dates work best for them and then everyone else can give input. If you aren't there, you don't get a say. Then we pick the Sunday that works for the most people. This system has been working great for almost ten years.

 

[SnowWhite607]

I've been a member of a book club for more than 20 years - same group of neighborhood women. In that time span we've all had babies and raised our families - we've switched from giving books to members with new babies to giving books as memorials for lost parents. The youngest baby is now in middle school and most are almost through high school, in college, or graduated and adults on their own.

In all that time we have met the second Thursday of the month at 7:30pm. It's really no hardship once a month to make advance carpool arrangements for a sports practice, etc. or to come a little late if need be. Some people have droppped back when they had really busy schedules, or taken a leave of absence.

If you move the meetings to the daytime you are saying to those who can't get free that they are no longer welcome in your group. You have to decide whether the fallout is worth it. Are these women going to be hurt and feel excluded or will they say it suits them fine and they will just find another group or wait until they have a more flexible daytime schedule?

Personally, I'd keep the meeting at night and accomodate everyone.

By moving the meetings to daytime, 7 of the members will be able to attend (out of 9). There are some members who cant attend at night b/c kids are involved in stuff and hubbys are not around to help, etc. Leaving meetings at night, we would lose at least one, likely 2 or 3 members. Moving it to the daytime, we would lose 2.

I sent out an email this morning about how it is important that everyone come to the meetings if tell me that you are, since we all take turns choosing books. Often a member will show up once every 4 months or so and choose her book then disappear for another 4 months, while we are stuck reading the book that she chose for us. Or someone shows up on the month of her birthday to collect the gifts that we all give her and then not come again for 6 months. Well, needless to say the ones who cant meet during the day are mad at me and the ones who can are fine with whatever I decide.

I just wish someone would take over because what started out as fun is not so much anymore.

 

[SnowWhite607]

weekends would SO not work. Some have made it clear that weekends are for FAMILY TIME ONLY so we dont even bother to try that.

So far no one has responded to my please to take over though. No one likes what I am doing but they dont want to step up and take over either.

Oh well part of the group is givng me some drama and being pissed at me anyway!