Are you envious of your friends?

[mark&sue]

There is one other thing that has not been mentioned. You never know what money has been left and or given to people by their family members, such as grandparents leaving money in their will for their offspring etc. If not your friend her husband could have had money given by a better off relative. These payments are very often very hidden. This means you can never really compare each other by jobs alone.

An awful lot of people are left money and can appear to buy things that other people can't buy. It is just one of those things.


Susan

 

[AndRu]

My younger sister hates me, always has, always will.

She had the misfortue of following me through school and as I did reasonably well, the same was expected of her. Unfortunately, I just seemed to be better at academics than she was. I never, ever viewed it as a competition between us and still don't.

I've moved jobs a couple of times which has involved house moves. We've now got a 4 bed detached house in a nice village with a big garden, garage and good access to schools and the road networks. We've also got 2 cars (due to working necessity), we've been to Florida twice and we're going back in '07. But it's all paid for ASAP. We had a £4k loan for my DW's car over 12 months. We saved like mad for the previous Florida trips and we're doing so again for next year. We don't drink, smoke or go out that much.

But my sister who lives in an ex-council house with a clapped out car still thinks it's a competition and is ultra jealous of what my DW and I have achieved. I've worked hard to get where I am in my job and am grateful for the salary I receive. Both I and and her husband worked in the same warehouse as 12 years ago doing exactly the same job - it's not my fault that I managed to work my way up through the ranks and am now in the IT industry.

Sometimes it can be sheer hard work / determination / luck or, as in my case, being in the right place at the right time with the right attitude, that gets people into good situations. I don't feel envious or jealous of anyone - and I wish my sister didn't think of me like that

 

[kev kendall]

I'm more envious that you have no mortgage!!!! That would be fabulous! We have friends who took out a mortgage around 7 times their salaries and now can't afford to buy bread - seriously it's that bad!!! We're comfortable in our little house, and don't have to worry that tea on a Saturday night comes from Marks and Spencer!!!

 

[shellbell]

Sometimes i feel envious of our friends. DH was in a job he loved with a great promotions ladders and he was a high flyer. 5 years ago while i was six months pregnant with DD, DH got sent on a promotional course in Blandford. (We were living in Germany at the time). Well he had a serious car crash and to this day has still not recovered. He has an external frame on his right femur which causes him alot of pain each day. As his leg wasn't healing properly he was medically discharged from his job and hasn't been able to work since may 1st 01. The 3 other poeple involved in the accicdent were back at work the next day. As much i would never wish this on anyone I can't help think what if he had drove himself or sat in the front and not the back. It has been such a long road to recovery we can't wait for it all to be over.

I look at our friends and they have their houses, their cars, Dhs have good paid jobs, and they go on holidays a couple of time a year. But then i look at us and what we have been through, it has made us stronger as people and we appreciate what we do have. If you have your health and your family your are very lucky.

 

[uktigger]

hi
i have a cousin that has always been jealous of me (i really don't know why as from the outside she looked to have more than me)she rents her house with a garden and i have only ever rented a flat from the local council but deep down i did envy her a bit because of her having her lovely house anyway 3 years ago her husband left her for her best friend which hit her very badly and she lost about 3 stones in weight (and she looks lovely)and i have always struggled with my weight loss altough i have lost 5 stones (with another 2 to go)but since then she has always made comments to me like 'maybe if jeff left you you'll lose weight' and 'oh i got into a size 10 today' it use to hurt me whn she made those comments but i now look at my life i have a roof over my head 2 lovely boys and i am finally marrying my partner of 15 years next july oh and i have my trip to florida to look forward to next october and i often look at my cousin now and think to myself she is on her own and goes home to an empty house after work and i do feel sorry for her sorry if that was a bit off topic
i think deep down we will always come back from visiting friends and family and feel a little jealous but then you get back into your family life and be glad of it

 

[Netty]

the grass is always greener on the other side!
Be happy with what you have got, you dont always know what goes on behind closed doors, they probably got a re mortgage or loans to buy what they want, but in the end it all has to be paid back.
My dh sis has now got her own business-dance school- her dh is a electrician, they have no mortgage,3 boys, also have bought another house and thats rented out, they have just bought a mitsubishi warrior and go on holiday to wdw usually with us more or less every year.
Are we slightly envious of them no!
we are happy with what we got and who we are!

 

[Lizzy Lemon]

Thanks for your comments, they make interesting reading. I just wondered if I was a bad person for feeling the way I do. My friend does say she envies the large rooms in our house, especially the children's bedrooms and the space they have to play in them. Must try to think positively about my life.
The boys go to karate and on their headed notepaper it says

"In 100 years time it will make no difference what car you drove, what kind of house you lived in or how much money you had in the bank, but the difference you made in the life of a child".

 

[Netty]

Thanks for your comments, they make interesting reading. I just wondered if I was a bad person for feeling the way I do. My friend does say she envies the large rooms in our house, especially the children's bedrooms and the space they have to play in them. Must try to think positively about my life.
The boys go to karate and on their headed notepaper it says

"In 100 years time it will make no difference what car you drove, what kind of house you lived in or how much money you had in the bank, but the difference you made in the life of a child".

No your not a bad person, everyone thinks like this now and again on different things.
That quote is fantastic and sums it all up i think!!

 

[Claire L]

Nope not at all. DH and I both have careers, work hard, have a house we like and can afford the things we want within reason, ie he can't stretch to the 911 yet!!!

On the flip side I have a feeling some of our friends are envious of us, we bought our 3 bed semi detached house in 1999, just at the right time, and now our friends who have decent jobs are still living at home as they cannot afford to purchase a house in our area So I feel a little bit sad for them as they deserve to get a house but just cannot afford the mortgage repayments on a 2 bed detached which is around £145000, esp as first time buyers.

Claire

 

[vicky1bfc]

I think everyone feels like you do at some point.It's nothing to be ashamed of.
I admit that even i do sometimes but then i look at what i do have.
I have 2 beautiful,healthy, well mannered daughter's,A dh that i love very much and i know he feels the same about me, a very small house but in a lovely quite village where everyone knows your business.
Our house maybe small but i know that if my daughters are playing out i'm not clock watching and worrying when they haven't arrived home.(though every mother does and i still do,just not as much as other places that we coud live)They go to a lovely village school and all there friends live within a few mins walk.

All this to me is more important then any amount of money.(we should have a bucket smiley here.)

 

[Lisash]

I think everybody gets jealous from time to time it's swings & roundabouts. I suppose DH & I have an enviable lifestyle with a nice house, new cars, good holidays etc but it has taken us 20 years to get to this point and it's only because we married young (I was only 19), chose to have children straight away (so we both have careers now) and were lucky enough to buy our house at the right time.

I spent most of my twenties envying my single friends who were off clubbing etc while I stayed at home babysitting while my DH studied at night school to gain his professional qualifications. My kids never believe me when I tell them this but for the first few months together we sat on deckchairs as we couldn't afford a sofa and ate only dried & tinned food until we could get a fridge mmm Vesta curry!! (well its was 1987) and no I'm not complaining we had some of our best times at our very first house.

At the end of the day all that stuff is nice but it isn't the be all and end all. My DH lost his mum about 3 years ago to a brain tumour (she was only 57). She idolised her grandchildren (particularly our DD her first by some years) there isn't a week goes by when I don't feel upset she isn't around to see them all grow up and we'd gladly give up all we have just to have her back for a while. I'd love to hear DD chatting away on the phone to her like she used to.

And anyway the bigger the house the more the cleaning. Just pop by my house any cleaning day (usually Thursdays) and you'll hear me swearing like a trooper at the mess my lot have made

 

[Minniespal]

Not at all ~ DF and I both have careers that we have worked extremely hard for. DF works away alot both in this country and OS, so the time we have together is very precious. We have a lovely 4 bedroomed house, both have new cars and we take a lovely holiday every year and 3/4 mini-breaks as well.

We don't have a family and because of a horrendous car accident a few years back, which we were both lucky to survive, probably never will. I count my blessings every day and live life to the full.

 

[wils]

I count my blessings every day and live life to the full.

Great attitude