Are you envious of your friends?

[Lizzy Lemon]

We have some lovely friends the girl I started infant school with (we're now in our forties) and her husband works with my DH. We both have two children of very similar ages - perfect. The only thing is, we live in a terraced house that we bought when we married 24 years ago and they, after two moves, live in a 4 bed detached house in a lovely area. When I visit them, as I did this morning, I come home and think we've been left standing. No hope of moving now we have no mortgage and I don't fancy starting with another one now couldn't stand the worry of losing income! The husbands must earn the same and I work part time at the weekends and my friend works part time in school so I would guess our incomes are similar but they seem to have a lot more. I love them dearly and I'm not exactly jealous but just wonder how they do it? She told me this morning they are thinking of having an extension for a utility room or a loft conversion because they've got a lot of cash building up in the bank. We've got our own caravan and try to have a few holidays a year and of course WDW next year is a biggy for our 25th wedding anniversary I appear never to be happy with what I've got, what's up with me and is anyone else the same?

 

[carolfoy]

I think CREDIT is the way they work it! You can have all that too along with the sleepless nights worrying about paying the bills. Seriously though, I do have a few friends I'm envious of - My best friend married a millionaire and was having an affair before the ink was dry on the marriage certificate. She got out with a nice lump sum and now lives mortgage free with extra houses to rent for an income. When she complains she's 'skint' I do get annoyed, try living as a single income household along with bills, mortgage etc!
Another friend doesn't care about her credit card bills and lives a very extravagant lifestyle along with her fancy cars, designer wardrobes etc. So Yes I guess I do envy a few but am not jealous to the extenet that I'd swap places. I work hard and can afford my outgoings comfortably, I own my house (with small mortgage) and all my moneys my own. I don't get any 'benefits' and am raising my son on my own. Sometimes its a struggle as I am in a particularly low paid job but its MY struggle and I have other friends who haven't got half as much as me.
Also there are a lot of my friends who envy ME as I don't have to answer to anyone for anything.
Be thankful you are living mortgage free - thats a real achievement in this day and age.

 

[wideeyes]

I think CREDIT is the way they work it!

I agree.. They are probably mortgaged up to their eyes. They could have loads of debts. you have your own home with no mortgage in years to come when you are all retired you may find you are in the better position to them, as your house will be worth more than you originally paid for it and there is no mortgage on it.

 

[Spook]

I think it's only natural and I am sure we have all felt the same as you at some time. I was feeling something similar earlier this week. It wasn't exactly envy more like what should I have done differently. Gave myself a good talking to and decided I wouldn't have done anything different.

Jan

 

[mandymouse]

I know exactly what you mean, a lot of our friends have gone on to their detatched, 5 bedroom homes with en-suites and have a yearly holiday to the Med (absolutely nothing wrong with that), whereas we've been here for about 18 years, we are very happy here and we have a yearly trip to WDW with a Disney Cruise thrown in every other year. Our house could do with a bit of a makeover ~ but I can promise you that it can all wait, all I keep thinking is that with my girls being 15 & 13, that in a few years time they may not want to come on holiday with us and they may be gallivanting off to Ibiza with their friends (Oh No, that doesn't bear thinking of ~ LOL)

I really wouldn't change anything

 

[Queenie]

I agree, they probably have a shockingly huge mortgage!

I know my sister is envious of me but I think if she knew the details, she wouldn't be. I live in a 3 bedroom detached (hoping to move to a 4 bed next year) with a jaguar car and go on holiday abroad every year as well as the odd weekend away. What she doesn't get is that the house and car both belong to Scott who's been in a managerial job for over 10 years, we can't afford to keep the car (but bizzarely it works out better to keep it right now) and the only reason we could afford those holidays is with a lot of penny pinching and some luck (in some ways anyway, a relative passed away leaving me enough money to afford 2 holidays, live for a few years and set up a business.)

This relative left her an identical amount of cash but she's racked up so much debt in her life (she's 15 years older than me) that I think ALL of it has just been put towards the debts. They are still in a rented terrace as they would rather spend the money on going to festivals and gigs all the time rather than saving for the mortgage they desperately want. Once I was in a pub with her, my neice and my mum. As we'd walked there she'd been telling me about the £40 a ticket gig she'd been to that weekend. When we looked at the menu, she had to get mum to pay for her daughter's meal as she couldn't afford it (this was a £2.50 meal!)

I think people's financial situations are often very different from how they appear to be on the surface...

 

[Deedee]

My ex boss always used to say i don't want what they've got i want what they owe!!! how true is that

 

[Disneyrsh]

like that lending tree commercial: "I'm in debt up to my eyeballs! Somebody help me!"

Peace of mind with our finances usually trumps any envy I might have about other people's stuff...

oops, I'm sorry, I just realized I stumbled onto the UK thread, my bad!

 

[AlanUK]

Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a bigger house like the ones some of my friends have moved into, or perhaps a nice new car rather than my old runabout. But then I think about my relatively stress free life and the fact that DW and I have a nice comfortable life and are not constantly juggling our finances to put food on the table and I come to the conclusion that we are just fine thanks In the end it's all pretty superficial stuff anyway.

 

[jns]

Sounds like most of us here are spending our money on WDW

live is to short

just think if you had the big house all the cleaning

 

[wils]

Sometimes of course - mostly when they are jetting off on holiday especially to WDW! But really I can't complain as I get to stay home with the kids and the benefits outway the sacrifices (most days!)

I think my friend is probably jealous of me as she went back to work very soon after her baby was born. Bless her she was stressing over a quite good maternity package as there wasn't a lot left after she put £100 in the savings a/c and £100 in the rainy day a/c and £100 in each of contingency a/c (please don't think I am knocking that - I'd love some savings and I think her banker father taught her well!) I think she sometimes forgets that we moved away to the midlands and reduced our mortgage a lot by buying a house the same size as the one we left in Surrey. If she would be willing to move she would at the least be able to go part time but I know she wouldn't take that step.

No mortgage! Well Done that is a great achievement

 

[florida sun]

When I first got married we were very friendly with another couple and we were all in the same situation, very little money, all working full time and then a child to add. Since my divorce, even though my ex husband earns a very very good salary, I have had very little support where money is concerned, and had to remain working full time as well as taking on part time jobs, to be able to lead a fairly comfortable life style, nothing flash, I dont own my own home, its rented, I dont own my own car, its the companys,but I do insist on having one holiday a year to be able to have that quality time with Vicki as a family, as I see very little of her with work,and school, my friends however have gone on to much bigger and better things. They own a lovley 4 bedroom detached house, have 2 brand new cars, he is now a director of the company he worked for and she is head management.

This however has never changed our friendship,we are still very good friends and have been for over 25 years, but yes I suppose I am a little envious, not of what they have got, but more that they have the family lifestyle that I so loved having when I was married. I still so much miss being part of a couple.

 

[carolfoy]

I still so much miss being part of a couple.

BUt now you're part of something much bigger Sue and all us DISsers love you unconditionally!

as long as you don't ask questions re taking kids out of school, pool hopping, refillable mugs etc

 

[gilld]

BUt now you're part of something much bigger Sue and all us DISsers love you unconditionally!

as long as you don't ask questions re taking kids out of school, pool hopping, refillable mugs etc

Precisely!

I agree about all of us feeling a little envious at times. I know we're very lucky and have a fairly comfortable lifestyle, but over the years DH worked extremely long hours (about 120 a week) and DD1 has serious health issues so I sometimes feel envious of friends who never seem to encounter such problems. But then why shouldn't we have them - we're not so special as to be exempt. And to be honest, I wouldn't wish the health issues on anyone anyway.

As long as the envy doesn't take over, I don't think it matters too much - it's natural.

 

[jen_uk]

Most of us here go to WDW every year so we can't be doing that badly!!! A piece of research found that the people who are happiest in this world are the ones that spend their money on holidays and experiences and not the people who end up with a big 5 bed house. Lets face it on your death bed noone wishes they had got an ensuite! At least we can say we all enjoy quality holidays and quality expereinces with our families which to me is more important at the moment than buying a new carpet for example!

 

[wilma-bride]

I'm not envious of my friends - cos I don't have any

Seriously, I am not envious of what my friends do/don't have as 'things' and possessions don't really worry me. We have a 4-bed terraced house with a substantial mortgage and, yes, we have been lucky enough to be able to afford a holiday for 3 years running (that will all change when we've got the girls full time, I reckon ) However, we don't go out (think once, maybe twice a year), don't really drink and don't have any expensive habits (except for WDW ). I sometimes am a bit envious of friends of mine who were sensible enough not to have any kids, who now have the freedom to do exactly what they want - but it doesn't last long when I think how happy my kids make me and I think about everything we have as a family.

My DH's brother and his wife, on the surface, appear to have everything but it comes at a price - they are mortgaged to the hilt, owe thousands of pounds and are always arguing. Not in a million years would I swap my life for theirs

You really shouldn't underestimate how lucky you are to be mortgage free. Just remember that things aren't always what they seem on the surface.

 

[ely3857]

I am often envious at a glance but when the details come through....

A recent example is a couple we are friends with. Gavin went to University with K & Has exactly the same outlook on life,

At the same time as Gavin & I bought our wreck (now lovingly referred to as home ) K recieved a MASSIVE inheritance from his late GD, this money was expected.

K bought a fancy car & a 4 bed 2.5 bath detached in a far better neighbourood than ours but the cracks started to show when D had to give him an ultimatum ''either I move in with you or it's over''. They were in before we had finished decorating but she moved out 2 months ago.

He has no respect for her given the said ultimatum and she treats his house like a somewhere she can play home but without any of the responsiblty (ie-she only buys sweets from the supermarket when she's supposed to be grocery shopping ), It all went so wrong because they were handed every material object they have and despite looking fabulous on the outside, after 4 years (8 months living together) they have now split because the money divided them.

I wouldnt be anybody else for the world



Jodie

 

[Frances999]

I think a lot of it is down to choices. DH works away from home often, whether it be somewhere else in the country or overseas. Our time together is limited, but his job provides us with the lifestyle and income we desire - and it makes the weekends and the time we actually do spend together even more special. DS's and DD sometimes get upset that their Daddy is away for so long, and some of their friends' get picked up by their Dads from school etc...etc... I guess I am mildly envious at friends of ours who can spend each and every evening together as a family, but we are happy with our arrangements overall.

It seems like your situation is similar. You too could have a nicer house and more possessions like your friend, but you would have to make a sacrifice and that would be to take out a mortgage. You have to choose the right thing for you.

 

[mushumadness]

my dad is like you husband, and spends most of the year away (but now we have grown up mum goes with him alot too)

I was envious at school when other kids dads came for them, but while they were going to cornwall for the summer break I was going to america with my muma nd dad (and Im talking when florida was deemed as v expensive) I definatly valued the time with my dad more,

I arnt envious now and dont want to be anyone else

 

[AlanUK]

It's precisely the lifestyle I gave up to be here.

I used to travel up to Heathrow on a monday, leaving the house at 3 in the morning to catch an early flight, and arriving back at just before midnight on friday evening. It was a well paid job with good prospects for advancement, but it would have meant spending next to no time at home for 47/48 weeks a year and having no real life outside of work. In the end I decided it just wasn't worth it and spending time with DW and having a social life were just simply more important than working to buy a nice house and a series of possessions that I would actually spend very little time in.

Now we have Joseph I know I made the right decision as every night I can come home and see his beaming face