Are we over protective parents?

[DisneyBug1995]

I was having a conversation with my DD15 tonight. Her and her friends think my DH and I are over protective. We always want to know where she is going and who is going to be there and when she thinks she will be home. We ask her how she is getting there and how she is getting home (mostly because we want to know if she is planning on us picking her up and taking her and this also make her plan ahead instead of us getting a unexpected call to come get her or take her and her friends some where). If we are taking her and her friends some where we have started asking her friends how they are planning on getting home too, so they don't assume that just because we are taking them it doesn't mean that we are taking them home. My daughter says that they think twice before doing anything because they are afraid that we will be checking up on them and they are afraid of getting caught doing something they shouldn't.

So do you think they we are over protective parents?

 

[Art 1]

I was having a conversation with my DD15 tonight. Her and her friends think my DH and I are over protective. We always want to know where she is going and who is going to be there and when she thinks she will be home. We ask her how she is getting there and how she is getting home (mostly because we want to know if she is planning on us picking her up and taking her and this also make her plan ahead instead of us getting a unexpected call to come get her or take her and her friends some where). If we are taking her and her friends some where we have started asking her friends how they are planning on getting home too, so they don't assume that just because we are taking them it doesn't mean that we are taking them home. My daughter says that they think twice before doing anything because they are afraid that we will be checking up on them and they are afraid of getting caught doing something they shouldn't.

So do you think they we are over protective parents?

No.

 

[princessmom29]

I don't think so. I think all of the info you are asking for is reasonable. It is not like you are saying no to outings all the time, just wanting to know the who, what, when, and where. I don't see a problem with that. Iti s fine to want to know where you kid is going, who with, and when she will be home.

 

[Robinrs]

Oh for pity's sake if I lived off what my son considers me or if my Mom lived off what I considered her there would be nothing but chaos.

Don't question your conscience and the fact that you are being a PARENT. A parent protects and asks questions. She doesn't raise you, you raise HER.

 

[Psychodisney]

I don't think so either. All reasonable expectations. I think their are a lot of permissive parents out there. Doesn't make the rest of us overprotective.

 

[shortbun]

The kids think twice about doing anything because they think you will be checking on them and they are afraid to get caught doing something wrong? Good Job Mom!!! That's the reputation I'm looking for too. I want my son's friends to know that I expect good behavior, good grades and in general a good life out of all of them. If that makes them paranoid to be bad-great!!! Why aren't all parents setting these goals for kids?

 

[aaarcher86]

I don't think so - I could see where it would be annoying to a 15 year old, but such is life.

The fact that she said she thinks twice before doing something wrong because she doesn't want to/thinks she'll get caught means you're doing your job.

 

[Liberty Belle]

For a 15 year old? No. For an 18 year old? Yeah, probably so. So you've got three years.

 

[minkydog]

I don't think so - I could see where it would be annoying to a 15 year old, but such is life.

The fact that she said she thinks twice before doing something wrong because she doesn't want to/thinks she'll get caught means you're doing your job.

I consider it my job to annoy my teens. Like I tell them, when they grow up and have children they can be as lenient as they want. But at this time *I* am the parent and we'll go by my rules. And my rules are pretty much the same as the OPs: Tell us where you're going, who you're with, who's driving, what time you'll be home and call us if your plans change. I don't think that's being nosy.We're talking about 15 year olds not adults. In fact, I still ask some questions when my nearly 18 year old, if for no other reason so that i can find her quickly in an emergency. DD may roll her eyes, but she doesn't get upset. She knows we're just looking out for her.

 

[mjkacmom]

We always ask dd14 where she is going, what time she thinks she's getting home, how she's getting there, and how she's getting home. We will always ask her if any of her friends need to be picked up, because these girls are SO bad about arranging carpooling, and it's very annoying when I'm there at 11 pm picking her up, as are her other friends' parents (these girls live within blocks of each other! ). If we are not going to able to pick her up or drive her, we let her know ahead of time.

 

[dislaney]

No. A fifteen year old calls it over protective, I call it involved.

 

[Debbie7452]

No you are not overprotective. You are just doing your job. That's what I tell my kids all the time when they find me annoying..."sorry! It's my job!"

 

[DisneyBug1995]

She wasn't complaining or whining about it. She actually said that she was with one of her friends (her friend's older brother was taking them into town) and her friend was not buckled. She gave her friend a hard time until she buckled her seatbelt. My DD told her that her Dad said that she should never let her friends not buckle and she should yell at them until they do. Her friend said that sounds like something your Dad would say and then she buckled her seatbelt. I asked her if her friends that we were over protective and she said yes. She is a Very responsible teen, we could ask for a nicer, well-behave DD and her friends are great too. I was just surprise that he friends' parents don't expect some of the things from their kids like we do. I have known them since them for 10+ years and seem very protective and responsible parents too. I just don't want them to give DD a hard time or not include her becauce of us.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No. A fifteen year old calls it over protective, I call it involved.

Ditto.

 

[mamacatnv]

I always found that what annoyed my kid did not necessarily annoy his friends (despite what he might tell me). Often his friends liked that someone cared enough to ask how they were getting home, did they all have enough $$ for the movie, bowling whatever etc.

DS would not admit this when he was 15 but at 21 he and his friends have thanked me for my years of inquiring on their behalf. They knew I cared. Often to teens who think the whole world is out the get them a glimmer that someone cares is okay with them, they just won't admit it til they are older

 

[scrapquitler]

Well if you are overprotective, then we can be overprotective together!

 

[rwdavis2]

Not at all. The kid's only 15. We think we've prevented out oldest daughter from doing some stupid things by asking how she's getting somewhere and how she's getting home. Or just telling her she can go to a party when we talk to that other kid's parents. Gee, for some reason several of those events never happened. We didn't even have to have the fight over telling her no.

As someone else said, 18 is a different thing altogether. By then the kid is an "adult" with adult consequences. Up to a point you have to let them make their own mistakes. We've been lucky that our oldest is a terrible liar. The youngest is much better at it. But she's less likely to do something stupid. She saw her sister get into trouble all the time and learns from her mistakes.
BD

 

[LuvOrlando]

Whether a parent is considered over protective or not all depends on their friends parents. My son 13, has a few friends who see to be raising themselves so to them I am super strict. On the other hand, he also knows kids whose parents do not allow anything with even a hint of violence or cussing and to them I must seem irresponsible.

DD12 has friends who are actually 'dating' boys and wear makeup like they belong on RU-PAUL's TV show and to them I'm strict with my policies. She has other friends who are banned from even knowing boys so to them the fact DD hangs out with her brother and his friends must be scandalous.

Oh, and I actually expect my kids to get good grades... I'm a terror I tell ya

BTW, I do not accept the whole 18 and on your own line. My kids get a lot of freedom with their choices now and the range will continue to grow but if either veers too far I will have zero qualms about stepping to them and yanking them right back down to earth 13, 18, 25, 40.. I do not & will not give a hoot.

 

[21hearts]

No I don't. My parents were the same way. In all honestly I loved it when my parents did because it showed they cared. If my friends said something then that's what I'd reply with. My parents care about me (not that theres didn't) but they did this out of their love for me.

 

[inkedupmomma]

well.. if they aren't doing anything wrong, why are they worried about getting caught doing something they shouldn't???


I think you are doing a great job! You are asking her basic questions! Although, what is your tone when asking? is it accusatory? maybe that is what freaks them out?