are today's parents better

[Tiggeroo]

do you think parents today are better?
I'm a parent of 3 older teens. I listen to the same music, watch most of the same movies, wear the same, or similar clothes (no I don't dress like a 20yo), etc. I have a good knowledge of most drugs my kids are exposed to. I have a realistic expectation about underage drinkiing and can remember very well being 18yo. I'm sure it helps that I work in a high school but most of my friends are on the same page here. Do you think this makes you a better or worst parent.
I see pros such as I can be more understanding. I am more likely to spot when they are doing something stupid or getting in over their head.
Cons the same. I can be more understanding. I"m more likely to spot when they're doing something wrong. This on some levels tends to make me more lenient. But it also can make me more paranoid. My experiences on some level I think have kept me from being as tough as maybe I should be. My kids respect me but I don't think they have that fear of their parents or authority that we all had when I was growing up. It didn't stop us, it just made us more afraid to get caught. I'm not my kids buddy. I just understand a bit more and am probably alot more realistic then my parents. I don't want my kids smoking pot but I also don't think it's a road to hell, for ex.
Any thoughts.

 

[Buckalew11]

I don't think any of things makes you necessarily a better or worse parent.
But I am sure that it is all relative.
For example, because I had a healthy fear of my parents, I didn't try drugs or do a lot of things that kids will try. I suppose I had little desire to try things like that because here I am 40 and not regretting anything or wanting to try things I never did. Fearing my parents (both their reactions and fear of disappointing or embarrassing them) actually did stop me from doing a lot of things.
I think it is great you are aware of what is out there for your kids. Kids these days are faced with a lot more than we were and it was rough even in the late 70s and early 80's.

 

[mtblujeans]

I don't think today's parents are better. I think you are the exception....not the norm. I don't think parents today seem to be teaching their kids how to take care of themselves, how to be respectful, how to make or meet goals, or how to build something up for themselves. JMHO....

 

[jajuan]

I don't think todays parents are better. I would love for my children to have a good fear of their father coming home if they did something wrong. (My DH and I have completely different parenting skills...something that happened over time...not always that way). The main thing that makes me think that parents are not better is the lack of respect of a LOT of kids out there. I liked the old days where you didn't where a baseball cap to the dinner table or you always respected other adults. Just my opinion.

 

[gr8tpanther]

Ok, good topic.

Something I notice about my own parents vs myself. I am more open to talk to my kids about things, where my mother, even NOW, will push things around before OPENLY discussing things. She is all about IMAGE, where I think that raising kids needs to be about openess and talking about things. Just something I think that makes us more effective parents.

 

[Marseeya]

I can't really generalize like that -- I just think parenting styles are different now than they used to be. How will we ever know which was better unless we could look back 50-100 years from now?

I can say, however, that my DH and I are better parents than OUR parents were.

 

[va32h]

Hmmm. Touchy subject. Generalizing is never good (well, that was generalizing too!).

In most respects, I think that no, parents of my generation are not better than our parents.

I think that many of today's modern conveniences have led parents to be lazy. For example, baby seats and entertainment centers. My mom didn't have an array of bouncy seats, swings, exersaucers, activity chairs, infant gyms, playmats, playyards, baby Einstein videos and so forth to entertain me.

So she either carried me around, or put me on the floor to play. Since she also didn't have toilet lid locks, doorknob covers, cupboard safety latches, expandable baby gates, coffee table cushions, etc, putting me on the floor to play meant getting on the floor with me to keep me safe.

In this way, I think that my mother devoted more time and energy to physically caring for me - which was a very positive experience for me.

Modern parents do not have to do this - modern parents have lots of equipment that is basically designed to free the parents from the time consuming task of actually watching their children.

There was also a more clearly defined line between what was for adults and what was for children. Today that line is blurred, and in some families, completely erased. The dining room is full of Little Tykes climbing equipment, and children are taken everywhere and dominate all conversation and activity.

My generation seems to have brought up children that are simultaneously neglected and spoiled.

There also seems to be an unwillingness to take on the responsibility (and sometimes burden) of parenthood. I know parents who quite frankly only want to be around for the fun parts of parenting, and "just can't deal" with the difficult parts (like tantrums or discipline). For some, being "the parent" means giving up the mantle of youth, which they cannot bear to do.

Being a parent is not always fun. Many times, we have to give up things that we like, put aside our own desires, make sacrifices, put someone else first.

My parents generation seem to accept that as the way things are, and a fair trade for the rewards of parenthood. Frankly, I think my generation is extremely self-absorbed, and unwilling to do that.

 

[KeepSwimming]

DUHHHH... of course we are!!!!

My Mom is pretty great, so it would be hard to measure my mothering against hers....let's just say I wouldn't trade my mom or my kids with anybody!