Appropriate 3rd wedding gift?

[elcodfish]

A friend is getting married for the third time and I think it is her fiance's second marriage. They own a house, and are both retired with pensions. What is an appropriate gift? My sister says it should be something tangible, like a frame, but I believe they don't need anything else. I think giving a donation to a cancer fund would be appropriate since her mother beat breast cancer, what do you think?

 

[Reddy]

have they said anything about gifts??
I would check with her & see if that is good & which cancer group she would prefer or maybe a gift card to fav resturant
I wouldn't do any "things" at this point

 

[Shanna-like-Banana]

Gift card to a resturant

 

[Nayan]

I think a gift card is a great idea. Either one for a nice dinner out or maybe for a home improvement store or a place like Bed Bath and Beyond.

 

[okeydokey]

Have you attended the previous weddings and given gifts. If you are on your third invite for this same person, a nice card and your well wishes.

 

[Gigi22]

When a friend of mine married for the third time, I just emailed her to ask her if there was anything she needed. She and her STBDH just bought a new size of bed, and desperately needed sheets!

 

[elcodfish]

Nope, first wedding. I'm having trouble because I'm actually friends with the daughter from the first marriage, and I'm pretty sure she was having an affair since it was literally a week difference between, I'm getting a divorce, and here is my boyfriend. They don't brag but are pretty open about how well they are off, and even though I could just give them a check, I feel like I want to do something more. A gift card could be an OK idea, but they live in a suburb 45 minutes from me and don't like leaving their area, and there isn't much around them. Maybe I can do some better research...

 

[VAfamily1998]

and I'm pretty sure she was having an affair since it was literally a week difference between, I'm getting a divorce, and here is my boyfriend.

Honestly, under those circumstances, I wouldn't give anything. Not even my "best wishes"...

 

[ssawka]

Have you attended the previous weddings and given gifts. If you are on your third invite for this same person, a nice card and your well wishes.

Honestly, under those circumstances, I wouldn't give anything. Not even my "best wishes"...

ITDA! She's inviting you to the wedding and spending $ to do so. If she is a friend, her wedding is no time to pass judgement by not giving a gift.

 

[blondietink]

My vote is for a gift card to a local restaurant.

 

[timmac]

Okay, I have a similar, but clearly related question. Suppose your mom was getting married (now fourth marriage as it were, but for what it matters #2 and 3 ended on bad terms which were no fault of her own). And suppose she was paying for you and your DGF to fly out to where she's getting married.

What then? Similar to what others said about OPs situation, they don't really need "things" as far as I know.

 

[FarmDisney]

When my friend got married for the 3rd time (wasn't around for the first two), I had a flag flown over the capitol. You get the form from your senator's website, send it in with a check and they send you back the flag and a certificate.

I thought it was a great idea - something different.

 

[Reddy]

Nope, first wedding. I'm having trouble because I'm actually friends with the daughter from the first marriage, and I'm pretty sure she was having an affair since it was literally a week difference between, I'm getting a divorce, and here is my boyfriend. They don't brag but are pretty open about how well they are off, and even though I could just give them a check, I feel like I want to do something more. A gift card could be an OK idea, but they live in a suburb 45 minutes from me and don't like leaving their area, and there isn't much around them. Maybe I can do some better research...

I would ask her what she would like or if she has a store that she picked out stuff in -- if she says no then ask about the cancer group

 

[akcire]

I would buy two bottles of wine or champagne. One to drink now and a second to celebrate their 1st anniversary. If you wanted to add something tangible you could always pick up a pair of glasses.

That way they have something special, but it is mostly consumable. If they have many more anniversaries, and you remain close you can continue to pick up a bottle of wine for them. If they don't make it to the first--then they can drowned their sorrows.

 

[okeydokey]

I would buy two bottles of wine or champagne. One to drink now and a second to celebrate their 1st anniversary. If you wanted to add something tangible you could always pick up a pair of glasses.

That way they have something special, but it is mostly consumable. If they have many more anniversaries, and you remain close you can continue to pick up a bottle of wine for them. If they don't make it to the first--then they can drowned their sorrows.

This is a nice idea.

 

[Evi]

your physical presence is a gift lol. No really your not required to give something but if they are close I would. I'd keep it simple a fabulous bottle of champagne, a gift certificate for a couples spa treatment or a dinner on the town. Make it something special enough to reflect how close you are to this person or neutral enough that anyone could enjoy it.

 

[beansmom]

Honestly, under those circumstances, I wouldn't give anything. Not even my "best wishes"...

that's fairly judgmental, eh?

I just married for the 3rd time...and we asked for no gifts. We're grown ups with our own home and we don't need anything. Our guests' presence was all we wished for.

 

[VAfamily1998]

that's fairly judgmental, eh?

I just married for the 3rd time...and we asked for no gifts. We're grown ups with our own home and we don't need anything. Our guests' presence was all we wished for.

And is this marriage because you cheated on your 2nd husband with your now 3rd husband?
Yes, I absolutely am judgemental about infidelity. I would not condone it by going to celebrate it and bringing a gift.

 

[scrapquitler]

I think giving a donation to a cancer fund would be appropriate since her mother beat breast cancer, what do you think?

Personally, I dislike this sort of gift. To me, it reads "I'm going to give money to a cause I like, I'm going to take a tax deduction for doing so, and I'm not going to give you anything". Now if she ASKED you to do this instead of giving a gift, fine, but that's no gift for them if you do so unsolicited.

If you are attending the wedding and choose to give a gift, you can give something tangible, like your sister suggests, or you can give money. No matter what age or status in life one has, marriage always brings change, and change means expenses. A little cash always helps. Maybe they will use it toward a getaway trip, even if it's not a full blown 'honeymoon'.

Personally, for a third marriage, I'd give a gift card for a restaurant that I know they enjoy, or a bottle of wine/glasses/snacks.

 

[aprilgail2]

I would send my regrets and be done with it--sorry but second weddings I will go to if I am close to the person but come on- a third one?? How many times are they going to try the marriage thing before figuring out its not for them!

My friend married a guy that was married 6 times before (twice to the same person!) and then wondered why they ended up divorced-well if he couldn't get it right the other six times what made you think the seventh would be different??? That was a wedding I skipped!