Anyone else wonder about Thank you cards?

[Mad4Mickey]

I would never think of not sending Thank you cards out for my wedding or baby shower. This has been bothering me I have either been to or sent gifts to 4 baby showers and 3 wedding showers in the last 5 months . I also sent out 9 graduation cards with checks in them to family on both sides . I know it is only $50-$100 but STILL you could at least call ! I was just wondering if this is happening to anyone else. Is this the norm now ? One of the girls I gave a gift to for her wedding and shower works with me 5 days a week and has never even said Thank You in person. I bought what she had on her list ..... ok I feel better now with that little vent.

Wishing everyone a Disney night

 

[DocRafiki]

People who are graduating, getting married, or having babies are going through a LOT and are very busy, and quite possibly overwhelmed. I don't expect a thank-you card. I think it's a bit self-absorbed to get upset over it.

 

[SnowAngel]

I believe everyone should get a Thank you if you give them something. It is plain out rude in my opinion. Even if the person is busy with all going on in their world, they should still take time to send a card or at the very least say thank you. If someone took the time out the time to give you a gift you could at least take the time to say thank you. I have even sent thank you notes after staying the night at someones house. It is just common courtsey.

I do not think it is being self-absobed to feel a little bit slighted. I would but I wouldn't worry about it too much. It's the way of the world of late it seems (and I'm only 30 so maybe I am old-fashioned- thank yous and please are very important to me and I make sure to teach my children that. My two yo says thank you and please,. I even have been known to call people sir and ma'am )

 

[KimRaye]

imho, those BUSY, OVERWHELMED people found time to attend/have showers/parties AND, receive gifts. Seems only like the next step to say/write Thank You.

I don't EXPECT thank you cards tho. They are nice when received and, very appreciated tho! Again, imho, it also shows some respect.

I have 2 recent examples: DH and DD attended a 1st communion and, we gave a cash gift. The thank you card, preprinted, was included in the same envelope as another invite to another of their children's 'occasions'. So, thank you was sent but, did it mean anything to us? No. Another gift & attendance tho? Yes.

DD & I attended a 1st BD party this past weekend. I never received a Thank You card for the wedding gift from when the parents of said 1yo got married. Did it deter my gift-giving or, my attendance? No.

In both cases this is Family. The fact that there are ALWAYS other circumstances does play a part, too.

I also, in recent years, have had my oldest (DS-15) at the very LEAST, CALL his gift givers after Christmas & BD since DS is not always at home when these gifts are voluntarily dropped off here for him. Before then, he ALWAYS wrote his thank yous. DD is coming along (5yo) in that regard but, she needs work.

 

[Dizzy-Disney4]

I try to send thank-you cards out...its something my parents never taught me so I've never been in the habit. I have both DS and DD send them so they'll learn to have better manners than their Mom & Dad. Side story... Sent out wedding gift thank-you's when DH & I were married 12 years ago. DH had gone off to the military so I had no help with them. Fast forward two months later. DFIL, calls and says NO ONE in his family has received a thank you! So I start discreetly asking around...less than half of the thank-yous made it to their destination! Never found out what happened to them either.

 

[Paperina]

I expect thank-you notes for any wedding, shower or graduation gifts. These are out of the norm gifts which I have received a formal invitation/announcement.

I recently received (months after the event) a thank you note for the wedding and shower gift combined..... Gee, should I have combined the gifts.....

 

[mtemm]

I sent all my thank-you's as I recieved gifts for my wedding. The shower ones went out the day after. One problem with thank-yous, though, was that my dh and I agreed to each do thank-yous for our side of friend's and family, that way one person wasn't doing it alone. Well, I would diligently make mine out but Greg would sit there watching tv, etc. It became our first married fight, actually. For some reason he must have read some where that you have up to a year after the wedding (according to ettiquite) to send a gift, and confused it to mean you have a year to send a thank you card. I'm not kidding, he actually said that to me. I finally did all of his about a month or so later.

gee, do I still sound bitter? I was so embarrased that his side wasn't getting them, and still embarrassed at how late they went out.

 

[debster812]

I was always taught to send those Thank Yous for the big events (Weddings, Showers, First Communions, Confirmations, Graduations, Baby Gifts, etc. [and if you want to talk overwhelmed, try writing Thank You notes while dealing with a newborn ]) Just this year, my 6 year old wrote 3 thank you notes to people who sent him birthday presents, but that were not at his party. At his B-day party, he did thank everyone personally.

I think they should be sent, and worked into busy lives.

 

[believe]

I sent thank you cards from my wedding and showers. As for DDs' (5, 3) birthdays I make sure they thank the person if they are present at the party and if they are not, they are to call the person to thank them for the gift. As they get older I will have them write thank you cards.

I recently received a thank you that said.....Thanks for the gift. I thought...that card could have went to anyone. I always believed that you should state what gift you are thankful for. Oh well, atleast they did send a thank you card.

 

[cgcw]

Originally posted by mtemm
For some reason he must have read some where that you have up to a year after the wedding (according to ettiquite) to send a gift, and confused it to mean you have a year to send a thank you card. I'm not kidding, he actually said that to me. I finally did all of his about a month or so later.

I once had a co-worker tell me that thank you notes could be sent out up to a year after the event. In fact, up until now, I thought that was correct --- because the same co-worker managed to get their thank you out to the rest of us right around the 1 year wedding anniversary date. I would have rather not received one than to receive it almost a year after the wedding. That was tacky to me.

We try to send thank you notes. We use to do them to all of the kids friends after a kids party and it seemed like we never received one for the parties my DS attended. So, we have stopped doing them. We do send them out for special occassions or when surprise gifts come in the mail. I think it's a nice gesture.

 

[powellrj]

moms rule: no using the gift until you have sent a thank-you. Works great on the little kids. My ds is another story. When he graduted from hs I knew it would be a battle, so I pre addressed and stamped them and made him sit and write them when the party was over, he grumbled a little, but it was done and over with. My dh gets mad, but to me its eaiser to help with a little grumble than to fight and get mad about it.

 

[CEDmom]

IMO a thankyou note is a common courtesy that I was taught as a young child. My 3 1/2 yo DD even knows that a thankyou note is required for any gift she receives in the mail. There isn't any excuse for bad manners. People seem to have no problem telling friends and family what they'd like for a birthday, Christmas, wedding, baby shower etc. why do they have problems saying thank you for the gift?

 

[jrmasm]

While a Thank You note is a polite gesture, I think expecting a note is just as bad as expecting a gift.

 

[snoopy]

People who are graduating, getting married, or having babies are going through a LOT and are very busy, and quite possibly overwhelmed. I don't expect a thank-you card. I think it's a bit self-absorbed to get upset over it.

I think its self absorbed not to send a thank you note. Tacky, and a serious lack of good manners as well.

I'm the Queen of thank you notes. I send them for everything, even when I'm invited to someone's house for dinner. Its inbred - my mother taught me that when I was very young and its stuck.

 

[Christine]

I think it is pretty awful when you don't send a thank you note. I have been to three weddings in the last two years--only one of them did I receive a thank you note for. The two weddings that I did not receive a thank you note from were from my own family and I KNOW they know better! I was so overjoyed with the one thank you note that I did receive that I felt like sending the couple a thank you note back for thanking me!!!

When someone takes the time to get you a gift, you should thank them and, heck, why wouldn't you want to. Especially if you didn't have time to personally thank them. I can see that if you go to a small birthday party and you open a gift right in front of someone--they get to see your expression, how much you liked it, etc., and they get to thank you right there. I can't get to wrapped about not getting a written thank you after that. But a wedding? Come on!! Or a gift that was mailed?

 

[Cindy B]

I like to get them as well. If my DD or DS has a party Ihave them write them... when they were little I made up a nice kid friendly fill in the blank thing on the computer.... you know, written by him..

Something like


Dear_______ (he/she would write the name!)



Thank you so much for coming to my bowling (or whatever) party. It was great to have you come over and play with me.

I really like the _______. I have a fun time playing with it.

Thanks for being such a good friend!

Your friend,



DS or DD name.


Yes, you can buy these preprinted, but I make them nice either in Publisher or another software program we have. There is a nice one in kid colors.


I now have my son write them out. I usually receive them quite a bit. My nephew had a high school graduation party, and we got a nice written thank you for the gift, and a little note saying how much he misses us!

I can think of many people, family included that never send thank yous. I am the one who writes them that day to get them out of the way.

I can't imagine waiting a year... hey, in today's society, the marriage could be over before the thank you cards are sent...

 

[Kirby]

Writing thank you notes is a common courtesy that tells the gift givers that you appreciate them, their gift, and the time they took out of their lives to get you one. Some gifts are handmade and definitely should be acknowledged.

I realize that people have busy lives but we should never be too busy to say thank you. We sit in front of the boob tube for hours but never have time to sit down and pen off a thanks.

I have a sister-in-law that gets so upset at things like this but she never makes her children write thank yous. I guess she lives on a one way street.

I am teaching my children to send thank yous if they haven't already thanked the gift giver in person. And, depending upon the circumstances, they mail a thank you anyway.

 

[Magickndm]

I don't think it's self absorption either to want a thank you. Yes, the new couple or new bride may be busy, but so am I and I managed to take time (and money) to buy a gift. I am like powellrj, my DD does not use the gift or spend the money until she has either called to thank the person, or written a note.

 

[TerriP]

I haven't read the responses to this yet, but let me say this...

When someone shows their love/respect for you by attending a party in your honor, buying you a gift, giving you a gift of money to spend as you need, invites you to their home for dinner or to stay, or goes out of their way in ANY way for you, a thank you note is not simply a thoughtful response, it is a responsibility. This world is a crazy BUSY place and when someone spends their time on me, I truly appreciate it. The best way for me to make sure they know it is to tell them. I give "thank you's" for gifts, time spent at parties for me, dinners friends make me, hospitality friends show to me...heck, I gave a friend a "thank you" last week because she gave me a pep talk when I REALLY needed it.

I think not sending a "thank you" to someone who has done something kind for you is disrespectful and arrogant (makes me think of someone with an entitlement mentality). Not to mention just tacky.

 

[WilmaBud]

We're ALL busy! That's no excuse for not sending a thank you note (a personal , handwritten one, too). It's common courtesy, and I think people who don't send them are self-absorbed.