Anyone else staring the "empty Nest" in the face and really cheesed off about it?

[pat fan]

My DS is a HS senior this year, and he's out all the time....going to movies, going to girl friends sporting events, going out to eat etc....and it's really cheesing me off! I hate the preview of my life next year when he's gone!!

Really, I'm glad he has a life, but he's my baby, and he's not supposed to grow up and leave darn it! Sigh....life is going to bite the big one when there are no more kids in this house.....DH better step it up with a plan so I'm not cryin' all the time.....

 

[disykat]

I can relate! Both my boys are in high school and I'm getting nervous. They both were gone at the same time this summer - weird - so dh and I took a trip. It definitely helped! DH and I are trying to squeeze in all the family time we can while they're still home, but also trying to "step up" the couple time so we learn how to be empty nesters.

 

[MushyMushy]

My son graduated last year and is still home.

I went through hell last year! My mother had passed away at the beginning of the year and I had so many changes going on in my life. I don't deal well with changes in the best of times and it was just awful. We thought for sure that he'd be out the door running either when he turned 18 in February or the day after graduation.

Fortunately, he wasn't quite ready to head out on his own and it's been giving me time to adjust. He spends half the time here and half the time at his girlfriend's. He only recently got a job, so I know the time of his leaving is coming soon. It's okay now. I can live with it a whole lot better thanks to the sort of "weaning" process.

Anyway, hang in there. It is hard, and at our age (those of us with late teens), there really are a lot of changes we'll have to adjust to.

 

[eliza61]

My DS is a HS senior this year, and he's out all the time....going to movies, going to girl friends sporting events, going out to eat etc....and it's really cheesing me off! I hate the preview of my life next year when he's gone!!

Really, I'm glad he has a life, but he's my baby, and he's not supposed to grow up and leave darn it! Sigh....life is going to bite the big one when there are no more kids in this house.....DH better step it up with a plan so I'm not cryin' all the time.....

Sorry but I'm lovin empty nesthood. I must be the weird one. I'm not totally empty though my son goes to college and my other is a senior.

I'm now taking a french class and have plans to go to France in May. My dh and I spend our weekends doing anything we love or simply nothing at all. We love the fact that we can listen to classical music without having the kids groan about it. My husband even suggest a salsa class because of Dancing with the stars.

Saturday we went into Philly and walk around some gorgeous neighborhoods talked about selling our suburban house and getting a condo in the city, then had dinner at a Ethiopian restaurant, which we never could have done before because my kids are not adventurous eaters.

I love baking so I'm thinking about going back to culinery school next May and I won't have to worry about daycare, dinner.

Maybe in a few years but right now we are enjoying being DINKs, I'm scared we might go crazy when we don't have to pay college tuition and actually have some extra income. I might live full time at Disney!!

It does help that I hear from my college son almost daily and my senior is home enough.

 

[pat fan]

I'm not totally empty though my son goes to college and my other is a senior.

That's the spot I'm in, although the one in college rarely calls (I did tell him I need to hear from him once a week so I know he's not dead).

I know I'll enjoy it (for the most part) once I get through the first stages, but DS (who's a senior) is talking Army and keeps telling me how he won't be here in the fall or Christmas etc....DS who's in college never even came home this past summer. He got a job near his school and got a place to live so I think he was home maybe 2 weekends this summer. I'm thinking he won't be home for the holidays either since he's still working at the same place and I'm just getting a little bummed thinking about it....

As my DSis said, if we knew they were gonna grow up and leave us and break our hearts, we wouldn't have had them! JK, I'd have still had them

 

[Teacher03]

The last couple of years have been tough. My mom passed away, my son moved out (to college after communting two years), and my older daughter moved to Washington DC (6 1/2 hours away) after graduating from college. Then last year my youngest daughter had the nerve to graduate high school and went away to college! I was heartbroken and so lonely. My husband works strange, long hours, and was often gone during the evenings. However, I found that we (my hubby and I) fought less and actually enjoyed each other's company more. I still look forward to the time when we are all together, and I still get lonely, but it has gotten easier. At times I get sentimental and wish they were still babies, but I am trying to enjoy this time in my life. "They grow up so fast" is so true!

 

[pat fan]

I was heartbroken and so lonely. My husband works strange, long hours, and was often gone during the evenings.

I know...my DH works nights, so it'll be me and the pets. I think I'll have to take a night class or something. I tried knitting this year, but that didn't work. I'm on the look-out for a nice cheap sewing machine and I'll try quilting next.

It'll be fine, just having a sad night thinking about it.....

 

[Imzadi]

This is from The Prophet, by Khalil Gibran. It might be good to meditate on it and keep reminding yourself of the bigger picture. Then go out an create a fabulous life now with a separate identity than being a mom. You are so much more!

On Children:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

 

[Feralpeg]

Our family has always been DD and I. It was extremely hard for me when she went away to college. We are very, very close. I talk to her four or five times a day. If I don't call her, she calls me. Even so, I really miss her.

Now, she is in her senior year. Once she graduates, she wants to move out on her own. She's talking about possibly moving back to Missouri. That is where her boyfriend lives. I don't fault her for wanting her independence. I did when I was her age, but it makes me very sad. I want to be with her. But, I knew this day would come eventually. Knowing that hasn't made it any easier.

 

[Mad4Mickey]

This is so hard on you so I will send you my DS LOL . When he was in HS and a Senior he was gone all the time I was upset because he was the baby and I didnt want him to leave . Now he is 21 and is upstairs if you want him

 

[eliza61]

That's the spot I'm in, although the one in college rarely calls (I did tell him I need to hear from him once a week so I know he's not dead).

I know I'll enjoy it (for the most part) once I get through the first stages, but DS (who's a senior) is talking Army and keeps telling me how he won't be here in the fall or Christmas etc....DS who's in college never even came home this past summer. He got a job near his school and got a place to live so I think he was home maybe 2 weekends this summer. I'm thinking he won't be home for the holidays either since he's still working at the same place and I'm just getting a little bummed thinking about it....
As my DSis said, if we knew they were gonna grow up and leave us and break our hearts, we wouldn't have had them! JK, I'd have still had them

Remember when they were babies and you thought you'd never adjust to that? You did and I'm betting you turned out to be a great mom. This is an adjustment too and you'll be a great mom of adults. Just give it time. That's why I posted the "heck no" answer. It took time but now that it's kicked in, I realized that yes, it's different but you know what it's still good.

Holidays are tough. Even though they were both still at home, they had girlfriends and friend friends they wanted to spend time with. It was a double whammy because my oldest birthday is the 26th of December and when he was little we would have big birthday celebrations. Last year, after christmas morning I think I saw him for a few hours before NYE. Right now he's planning on coming home but I'm playing it by ear.

You will find your "sea" legs Pat. It takes a while but you'll start remembering all the things you've enjoyed "pre kids" My dh is a shift worker also, so I have experience with those home alone nights. It took a while but now when he's doing night work, I pull out all the "musical" like Oklahoma and singing in the rain that he hates but I love.

Give yourself some credit, you did an excellent job. Believe me today that's a major accomplishment.

 

[smiley]

My son graduated from hs last year and began college a year ago. Even though I am sad at times it is rewarding to watch him on his journey.

Our son was also gone much of the time during his senior year. In a way, it prepares you for when he is completely out of the house.

That said, we are in the process of trying to sell our home in this crummy market so we can move on and that is what I'm cheesed off about. I've been trying to keep busy, but sometimes it is sooooooo frustrating.

Empty nesting definitely has its perks, since our son left we've been on three extended vacations and several short weekend or overnight trips. Not that we couldn't have done this while our son was at home but, it's easier to go knowing that we are not leaving him behind.