Anyone else dealing with a family member with severe depression?--Update/Vent added

[6_Time_Momma]

My DH has struggled with depression for years, but I never could get him to go to the doctor. Well, since his store closed in April, he has gotten so much worse. He got to the point just before Christmas where he was constantly berating himself, calling himself a failure, not sleeping, not wanting to run anymore, and just almost unbearable to be with.

He FINALLY admitted he needed help and went to the doctor just before Christmas. He started him on Wellbutrin. I have noticed a slight improvement in him on his weekends off from his job, but come Monday, he is right back there. He is not sleeping either. He went back today and the doctor increased his Wellbutrin and started him on Klonopin also.

So, how do you guys deal with a loved one going through such a major depression? I am also on a depression med, but mine is just not even close to being as severe as what he is experiencing.

 

[kdibattista]

No advice, just

 

[BWVDenise]

Kristy, I have to tell you that I have been thinking of you recently and hadn't seen you post, so I was hoping everything was okay.
I remember that feeling of being a failure -- it wasn't fun. I wonder if a combination of meds and counceling would help him more? I wish there was something else I could say to help.

 

[Simba's Mom]

Just remember that not everyone responds the same to a particular medication and it could take several tries to find the right one. Also, as you probably know, even the right one can take up to 3 weeks to fully "kick in". I was hospitalized for a week with severe depression several years ago. Now I'm on life-long depression meds (depression runs in my family). I asked DH your question, and he just said "patience!" because it can take so long. In my case it was several months between when I first got sick (not knowing what it was) and when the correct meds finally made me "normal" again.

 

[Caradana]

The way I always deal is to analyze, rationalize. It's not always the best technique, but sometimes it helps. I'd wonder: is his new job contributing to these feelings? If so, what about it? Is he earning less money, is that adding to his strain and feeding the depression also?

Medication + Counseling + Changing His Environment are probably the right way to go with this one ...

 

[Steffi]

Hugs to you, depression is so hard for those watching it, as well as for those living it. I have depression, too, and I know that I'm not fun to live with at times. My husband deals with it, like another poster said, with extreme patience and love, God bless him. Depression runs in my family as well; nobody in my family has had any luck with Wellbutrin. Lexapro is what works best for me (and it starts to work much faster than other meds, I believe), Zoloft for my niece, and Paxil for my sister. Good luck to you in dealing with this, and to your DH as he struggles to find the right meds for his depression.

 

[Aidensmom]

Just want to second the thought that it may take a while for the medication to kick in, and if it doesn't, he may need to try a different one.

You are over a big hurdle though in that he recognizes there is a need for treatment, and he is seeking it. That is a good thing.

My prayers are with you.

 

[Iggipolka]

I'm a psychologist, have suffered from depression most of my life (runs in the maternal side of my family) and my wife is currently working through a major depression. The best treatment for depression is a combination of talk therapy and medication. If your husband hasn't seen a therapist for therapy, I would really encourage him to do so. It will help him work through the stuff that triggered the depression in the first place.

As a spouse, I know how difficult it is to be with someone who is depressed. My wife gets very irritable and there are some days where I feel like I can do absolutely nothing right. I take a deep breath and remember that this is her stuff, not mine and it's not my fault that she's feeling so awful. She also doesn't sleep well at night and her tossing and turning used to really bother me. We talked about it and now have an agreement that if she can't sleep, she will get up and do a quiet activity for awhile until she's sleepy enough to come back to bed. That way we are both sleeping better!

Hang in there. This isn't easy and you may want to get your own therapy or support as well. The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (nami.org) has some great free support groups for spouses and partners of those with depression and other mental illnesses.

 

[6_Time_Momma]

Thanks for the replies. This weekend wasn't a good one. I am so frustrated and stressed. I just don't know what to say to him to help. Sometimes I just feel like screaming "Stop feeling sorry for yourself!!" at him! I never would. I know that's not the answer, but I do feel like saying it sometimes.

He is sleeping a little better, though. A step in the right direction. I do think counselling may end up being in order, too. He is in a job right now, that he doesn't like. He says it is just eating away at him. First, there are a lot of lab tests involved (wastewater treatment plant) and he is not comfortable with them--chemistry that he is not familar with, etc. He is so afraid his numbers will be off, and since it is state regulated, he is worried about that. Also, the money is hitting here. He is making about half of what he was before. The potential is there for more after they send him to school, but he really doesn't want that. Unfortunately, noone is calling about any other jobs. He was really hoping that one particular one would pan out, but no such luck as of yet.

Also, he has not really been able to deal with his grief over losing the baby three years back. I mean, I think about her daily and cry often, but he will have times when he just can't stop thinking about her and crying. Add these things to the fact that his mom committed sucide when he was 6 and you've got quite a mess. I guess it's at least a step in the right direction that he even agreed to see a doctor and take medicine. He has a "thing" about taking medicine since his mom OD'd.

Anyway, sorry for talking your ear off, but I needed to vent and I feel a bit better now.

 

[kdibattista]

I'm so sorry you are going through this... I will continue to keep your family in my prayers

 

[bananiem]

I'm sorry, Kristy. I'm glad he recognizes that he needs help. I hope the medication kicks in soon. And I agree with some of the other posters. If it doesn't seem to get better, ask for a different medication. to you and the kids.