Any other "Kitchen Control Freaks" out there? (Warning....RANT!!!)

[luvstiggertoo]

I go through this every holiday. When I'm cooking a big meal I do not want anyone else in my kitchen! I do not want help from anyone....they only get in the way!

My mother has finally come to accept this and doesn't even ask anymore. She just sits and relaxes and enjoys the day. My MIL however just doesn't get it!!! Its a big joke that I have to kick her out of my kitchen every holiday. I tell her that, while I appreciate her help, I really don't need it
Yesterday, I'm getting everything ready....taking the meat out of the oven, putting the rolls in, etc. and she decides that she's going to "help" and do the dishes!!!
So here she is putting clean dishes on my counter and I'm trying to get food out and on the counter....which serves as my buffet. Then, she starts asking me where things get put away.
I finally gave DH the "death look" and he occupied his mother elsewhere! Then the rest of the evening she pouts!
ARGGHHHH!!!!!

Am I nuts? Should I just accept her help and move on, even though she just gets in the way?

 

[Breezy_Carol]

I feel your pain.

Several years ago I had Christmas dinner at my home. MIL usually has it but FIL was ill so it was too much for them that year. Well, MIL and SIL could not let me do it alone. They were in the kitchen directing. One even told me how to make the mashed potatoes, as if I had not been making them myself for the past 20 years. You just have to let it slide and have a glass of wine. (Easier said than done.)

 

[pumba]

and I mean EVERYONE knows that I am a loner in the kitchen......and no one dares to come and help me......if they want to sit down while I am doing my thing they are welcome to.......and we chat while I do it.....My daughter now does the mashed potatoes .......but last night I had baked with the ham.......no problems......just keep out of my kitchen

 

[luvstiggertoo]

Pumba....I agree. Anyone can come and sit and chat while I work. In fact, I enjoy that. That way I can be a part of the festivities.
But do not enter the inner sanctum!

The sad thing is, everyone else knows this and has come to accept and even enjoy it! MIL however just refuses to get it!

I really think this year, I made my point though. I even hugged her after dinner and apologized. But I told her she just needs to understand that I appreciate the offer, but I don't need the help.

 

[helenabear]

Oh I feel your pain! I am definitely that way in the kitchen... if I want help, I will ask for it (and usually it is to reach for something shorty me can't get if that...) otherwise I don't want a soul in my kitchen. This is one of those things I think many some feel and others just don't understand... something you had to try to let slide (as hard as it is). Yesterday I was at my dad's cooking and at one time while I was trying to get the last part ready, there were 5 others in the kitchen besides me. Granted this is a big kitchen but they almost had me stop and yell "GET OUT!" (like I shamefully did two years ago). Hopefully some day all family members will learn when and when not to be there and in the mean time I am learning patience and how to hold my temper

 

[Mermaid02]

I don't mind MY mother's help.... because I don't have to tell her every little thing to do.... but I hate it when I have to tell someone every little move to make.

 

[luvstiggertoo]

Oh helenabear.....I did the "GET OUT" thing last year!
I tried to do it humorously, but I don't think it came across that way!

 

[helenabear]

Geri, you are one better than me then... there was no way my yelling could have been mistaken for a joke or humor at all. Actually I have never heard my family get so quiet so quickly (big talkers in my family)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by luvstiggertoo

Am I nuts? Should I just accept her help and move on, even though she just gets in the way?

I would say you are not nuts. In your home your MIL should respect your wishes. To do otherwise is not nice...
That being said we ALL are in the kitchen in my family. So I am the opposite of you...but I do yell at my mom because she FLINGS food all over. She is an A+ cook but as far as cleaning as you go, she doesn't believe in that as she makes sure to dirty every pot .

 

[Michelle]

Oh Geri, I am EXACTLY the same way. I am constanly "shooing" people out of the kitchen when I am cooking. I know they're trying to help but it just makes it worse. I feel your pain.

 

[luvstiggertoo]

Yay! I'm not the only one!!!
I feel so much better now.

 

[Suzy Mouse]

What drives me NUTS is when my MIL (whom I love very much) tries to help me clean up the food and put things away. I am very orderly in my kitchen and neurotic to how things get wrapped and where they go. I'll try to kick her out of my kitchen and she'll get annoid and say to me..."Just say thank you." Why should I say thank you to something I am not thankful for. GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!!!!!
My husband knows how territorial I can be in there and he too will try to sneak in there to "help" me!!!!
STAY OUT!!!!

 

[Lars624]

MILs.......
can't live with em........can't shoot em
however tempting it may be

My MIL isn't a helper....she is perfectly glad to be unhelpful.......it works for us.......we're both happy

 

[FOJMO]

she does the same thing and I'm afraid I'm going to not only have HER on New Year's Day, but MY Mom, and my sister.

It will be a first in our 23 years of marriage! I don't know what to expect.

The thing about my MIL, though is that she has a way of letting you know her opinion of the way you do things (or not do them) that "gets her point across."

Like the paper towel thing -- every time (and I mean EVERY time) she's in my kitchen, she has to mention how smart I am to use paper towels instead of having a "dishrag" like she does to wipe the counters, table, etc. (and wash dishes, and scrub pots). I think a dishrag is DISGUSTING! I only use paper towels and throw them away. Yes, I use a lot of them, but it's far more sanitary in my opinion and it's MY HOUSE!

Also, on Thanksgiving, before I could stop her, she's putting dish detergent in my Pampered Chef stoneware. You aren't supposed to use soap -- just water and that little rubber thingy to scrape the food off. The stone will soak up the soap taste and then it will get in the food the next time you use it! It's not supposed to look clean when you're done with it -- it's getting "aged."

Can't wait until next Wednesday!!!

 

[believe]

When preparing I don't want anyone helping, but once everyone is finished eating anyone can help clean up

 

[shep]

Originally posted by believe
When preparing I don't want anyone helping, but once everyone is finished eating anyone can help clean up

 

[luvstiggertoo]

Well I'm with you on that one, Believe!!!
I don't mind people helping to clean.
Just don't get in my way when I'm cooking!!!!

BTW, I feel compelled to add that my MIL is really very sweet and we normally get along just fine. But she is very annoying!!!

 

[Buz]

Take a deep breath and remember....

you will only have them for a while, then they will be gone. We have only my father left now and would give anything to have our Moms back, getting in the way, doing things their way, etc.

Of course, Mattsmom might think differently. It is half her kitchen after all....

Buz

 

[Kermit]

I'm like that to a limited extent. If people will help me in a way that I consider help and not a hinderance, it's fine, but anything else just has to stop. My parents were very insistant that they help this year because I am so pregnant. It was nice to sit down, but I just realized this morning that my dad unloaded the dishwasher and nothing is where it belongs. It's going to be a real pain the next time I go to cook and all of my utensiles are hiding.

 

[RitaZ.]

I don't mind people coming in the kitchen at all, whether it's to help or just chat. In fact, I like it when others offer to help.

We went to my brother's house for Christmas Eve dinner and I couldn't wait to leave! His wife (my SIL) was annoying the heck out of everyone. She didn't want anyone in the kitchen, even though she didn't do any of the cooking. She yelled at my kids for going in the kitchen and told them they wouldn't get any presents from them if they did! Give me a break!

I kept my mouth shut to keep the peace, but after dinner was over I had had enough. We then went to my other brother's house and had a relaxing time.

I respected her rules (after all it's her home) and told my kids to do the same. IMO, when there are too many rules, it ceases to be a fun gathering. This was the first time that we went to my brother's house for a special family gathering, and definitely our last! My SIL can have her kitchen, her rules and her constant nagging!