Any advice? Bossy travel companion.

[FeelsLikeHome]

(I posted this on the Community Board but thought this might be a more appropriate place. My apologies if anyone is having to read this twice.)

DH and I are heading to the World next February with a group of our family. There will be five of us going. We are so excited and can't wait to go (the last time we went was on our honeymoon last year!) For most of the group, it will be their first visit! We are looking forward to seeing the looks on their faces and reactions to the rides!

DH and I have spent several months researching and planning and feel like we have a good plan in place. The rest of our party gave us the go-ahead to do the planning. One of the members of our group is well-intentioned and kind, but can be bossy. (Understandably, as they grew up as one of the oldest of more than 10 children and had to take charge a lot.) Occasionally, I find their comments to be hurtful. I don't handle conflict well and usually don't know what to say.

DH and I are passive and worry about everyone having a good time. Our plan is flexible, but because we are so passive- I'm worried that we will veer off the plan the entire time just to please everyone. At the same time, we don't want to waste all of this time planning not to follow the plan at all. Any advice on how I can kindly handle conflicts that come up without being steamrolled? Thank you!

 

[Drusilla]

When we went 2 years ago with extended family, we often split up and did what each group wanted and then met back up at a certain time/place. It worked well.

 

[ms_missy66]

I totally agree with Drusilla. We went with a larger group of family members this summer and we all agreed that the only true obligation was dinner each night. During the day, I (the planner) would say, "We're doing XYZ. If you want to join us, just meet us at our room at 9:00." or whatever. If folks showed up, great. If they wanted to sleep in, great. Everyone pretty much did a lot together, but also gave each other space if they needed down time or just had different interests. My 17 year old nephew was dying to go on bigger rides while my 6 and 5 year olds were dying to ride Small World again. If we would have forced everyone to stay together, conflict would have been inevitable.

Have fun!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree with PPs. We booked a sit down meal for everyone each day and knew we would all see each other then (always lunch or dinner--some in our extended families do not like to get up before 10 on vacation--whereas our immediate family always makes rope drop). Other than that everyone was free to do as they wanted. Many people knew we were the Disney "experts" and asked to tag along with us--which we loved. But no one felt obligated to spend all their time on our plan.

 

[crisi]

Agree. If you want to stay with your plan and feel like the proposal is too large a diviation, stay with it and say "well, we'll see you at dinner then!"

I'd warn about overplanning, but it doesn't sound like you have a "9:02, ride Space Mountain, 9:14 ride Buzz" sort of plan to start with.

 

[SnowandMittens]

Two words:

SPLIT UP.

We went as a group of 6 and it was HORRIBLE trying to wake them up to go to the parks. My Dbf and I were stressing about it all week long and finally the second to last day we'd had enough. We met them for dinner and spent the rest of the night with them and let me tell you.... BEST DAY of the trip.

Just plan on doing lunch/dinners with the group and hanging out at night. It'll make your trip so much better.

 

[happymommy]

I also agree with all the posters here!

One more thing: you mention worrying about everyone having a good time. Do not worry about that. It is out of your hands. You aren't responsible for their feelings, just for your actions! Some days, someone may get cranky, but don't let it get to you! I happens every vacation, someone has a meltdown, usually just blows over. Even adults!

If you have two "type A" personalities - split them up.

Just make a plan and let them choose whether to follow it or not. Don't be afraid to speak up, if you really want to do something and the other one (type A) does not, then just do what you want. You won't hurt anyone's feelings if you are honest. It is your vacation also, and you should enjoy it!

BTW, I let a group of Japanese business friends of my folks years ago - 4 children and 5 adults plus me. Had their itinerary down to one ride after another after much research (way before Tour Guide Mike, this was 18 years ago). The children spoke very little English, and were so sweet! The ladies were equally sweet, but that is beside the point. My job was to ensure they saw what they could and had a good time - whew it was a lot of work but so fun also - but they had no opinions, just went along with anything, bless their hearts. Dealing with opinionated folks is so much harder emotionally, though. Went with my sister and her family plus my folks (12 people all together) two years ago, and my sister insisted on some things that I went along with (like which resort to stay at) even though it was her first time with her family ever. Ugh - I've been like 20 times and she's been once. It was a pain, but overall she had a good time I guess.

 

[susykt4]

I planned a trip last year for my family of 4, my parents, my brother's family of 5 and my youngest single brother. I explained to them my reasoning for choosing X park on each day and how important it is for MY family to get to that park before rope drop and that if anyone wanted to sleep in, etc., no problem, we'll just meet up for lunch (our big meal of the day.) It worked. DH and I would take the kids early and we'd knock out all the rides we really wanted to go on. My brother's family would show up a little later and he'd grab fastpasses for big rides and take his kids on preschool rides. My parents either joined us at opening or bro's family a little later. My youngest brother slept until 11 and showed up for lunch.

After lunch it was anything goes. Sometimes the adult children would all go off and ride big rides while Grandma and Grandpa took the kids to the play area or on kiddie rides. Sometimes we'd split up kids. Sometimes my dad and brothers would do their thing. We kept in contact by cell phone and everyone had a fabulous time and equally importantly GOT ALONG. Honestly, if I would have had to wait for my pokey sis-in-law to be ready every morning it would have ruined my trip.

 

[Mathfailure]

I agree with the splitting up.

If you have an actual written plan, how about making a copy for everyone BEFORE leaving. Say this is our (husband and you) plan, you can join in on what ever day, time you please. Real open and noncommital, just here it is, do as you please.

We went one time with my husband's family and almost never saw them. It felt a bit weird, so I think the meeting up for a meal is a great idea.

About the passive reactions, I would highly recommend dealing with this, as too many situations at work and in families require standing up for yourself and NOT being passive.

 

[FeelsLikeHome]

Hey, OP here - thanks so much! I appreciate all of the responses.

In all of that planning, the thought never really crossed my mind that we would split up. Thinking about it now, it really does make sense. Rather than work myself up trying to plan the "perfect" trip for everyone, I will just plan for DH and I. And if anyone else wants to join, GREAT!