Anxious- Can't Sleep

[shaylih]

So it's 4:39 am and I can't sleep because I'm nervous and anxious about my bridal shower. We're hoping to keep our wedding count under 100. My mom booked my wedding shower for August (she's a teacher so she needed a time that would work w/ her schedule) in NJ. The place she booked required a minimum of 35 people. My friend from high school will be visiting her boyfriend in Colorado that weekend (she emailed me earlier this week to let me know) and my other HS friend is moving to California in July. Since we're trying to keep the guest list small, I'm not inviting a ton of friends, mainly just relatives. I'm worried we won't have enough people and that I'll look pathetic for not having any friends there. My mom even suggested inviting men yesterday. My other best friends live all over the country and I can't ask them to come all the way to Jersey for my shower. I know it's rude to invite people not invited to the wedding, so I don't know what to do.

I'm also getting stressed out about my bachelorette party. The friend who is going to Colorado felt bad so wants to throw me something. She emailed my sister to start planning something. So my sister emailed me and asked when I'd be coming back to NJ/NY. I said probably only for Thanksgiving and Christmas (we do Thanksgiving w/ my fam and Christmas w/ his in south Jersey) so my sister was like 'ok great we can do something then and I can invite my friends.' It's like seriously - what the f. I'm not having her freaking friends at my bachlorette party. She's 4 years older than me and very bitter that I'm getting married when she doesn't even have a boyfriend. Seriously, her #1 priority in life is to find a boyfriend. I also don't want to have to have a whole big thing in NYC when I'm home only 1 weekend and it's my birthday (my birthday is Nov 23rd so it always falls right around Thanksgiving). It's also way too early to have a bacherlotte party since the wedding isn't until mid Jan anyway. and let's face it, I'm not a crazy let's go to the strip bars and get loaded kind of gal. I wouldn't even enjoy something like that. If we even do something like that, I'd prefer it in Disney when we can get everyone together (all my best friends from all over) and maybe go to pleasure island, or even something low key like drinking around epcot.

I just had to vent. Maybe I'll be able to get to sleep now.

 

[Glorydaz]

So it's 4:39 am and I can't sleep because I'm nervous and anxious about my bridal shower. We're hoping to keep our wedding count under 100. My mom booked my wedding shower for August (she's a teacher so she needed a time that would work w/ her schedule) in NJ. The place she booked required a minimum of 35 people. My friend from high school will be visiting her boyfriend in Colorado that weekend (she emailed me earlier this week to let me know) and my other HS friend is moving to California in July. Since we're trying to keep the guest list small, I'm not inviting a ton of friends, mainly just relatives. I'm worried we won't have enough people and that I'll look pathetic for not having any friends there. My mom even suggested inviting men yesterday. My other best friends live all over the country and I can't ask them to come all the way to Jersey for my shower. I know it's rude to invite people not invited to the wedding, so I don't know what to do.

I'm also getting stressed out about my bachelorette party. The friend who is going to Colorado felt bad so wants to throw me something. She emailed my sister to start planning something. So my sister emailed me and asked when I'd be coming back to NJ/NY. I said probably only for Thanksgiving and Christmas (we do Thanksgiving w/ my fam and Christmas w/ his in south Jersey) so my sister was like 'ok great we can do something then and I can invite my friends.' It's like seriously - what the f. I'm not having her freaking friends at my bachlorette party. She's 4 years older than me and very bitter that I'm getting married when she doesn't even have a boyfriend. Seriously, her #1 priority in life is to find a boyfriend. I also don't want to have to have a whole big thing in NYC when I'm home only 1 weekend and it's my birthday (my birthday is Nov 23rd so it always falls right around Thanksgiving). It's also way too early to have a bacherlotte party since the wedding isn't until mid Jan anyway. and let's face it, I'm not a crazy let's go to the strip bars and get loaded kind of gal. I wouldn't even enjoy something like that. If we even do something like that, I'd prefer it in Disney when we can get everyone together (all my best friends from all over) and maybe go to pleasure island, or even something low key like drinking around epcot.

I just had to vent. Maybe I'll be able to get to sleep now.

I seriously hope you got some sleep!! first topic: the Shower. don't worry at all about looking pathetic! being your friends are so spread out across the country, it would be almost impossible for them all to make this event. and you know, it doesn't mean in their hearts they aren't! as for the minimum - your Mom definitely has the right idea! my niece just had her baby shower - they had to guarantee 50 people - only 43 were coming. so they made a table for the men (more in the back) and invited them to join the celebration! absolutely NOTHING wrong with that!! and it was great!! if you have to pay for the minimum - ask the guys! from what I understand, they are beginning to enjoy seeing what all the fuss is about!

the bachelorette party - the biggest thing to keep in mind here is YOU are getting married!! to your sweetheart! as many of the other disbrides can vouch for, sometimes you get stuck with a "spoiler" - do NOT, I repeat, do NOT let this person attempt to ruin your day- your plans - your dreams.

and as for your sister's bitterness, that is really her baggage - not yours. number ONe priority is YOU!!!! and if you have to, very nicely tell your sister what YOU would like and you appreciate her thoughtfulness but as you are home for such a short time, there's no way it will fit into that weekend! let her and your friend (in an email) know what you thought would be a wonderful idea and see what happens...

Michelle

 

[shaylih]

I seriously hope you got some sleep!! first topic: the Shower. don't worry at all about looking pathetic! being your friends are so spread out across the country, it would be almost impossible for them all to make this event. and you know, it doesn't mean in their hearts they aren't! as for the minimum - your Mom definitely has the right idea! my niece just had her baby shower - they had to guarantee 50 people - only 43 were coming. so they made a table for the men (more in the back) and invited them to join the celebration! absolutely NOTHING wrong with that!! and it was great!! if you have to pay for the minimum - ask the guys! from what I understand, they are beginning to enjoy seeing what all the fuss is about!

the bachelorette party - the biggest thing to keep in mind here is YOU are getting married!! to your sweetheart! as many of the other disbrides can vouch for, sometimes you get stuck with a "spoiler" - do NOT, I repeat, do NOT let this person attempt to ruin your day- your plans - your dreams.

and as for your sister's bitterness, that is really her baggage - not yours. number ONe priority is YOU!!!! and if you have to, very nicely tell your sister what YOU would like and you appreciate her thoughtfulness but as you are home for such a short time, there's no way it will fit into that weekend! let her and your friend (in an email) know what you thought would be a wonderful idea and see what happens...

Michelle

MIchelle, thank you SOOO much. That is exactly what I needed to hear. You advice was perfect. Did the groom go to your nieces or just the some women's husbands?

Also, I know the Sandpiper Inn and it's so beautiful. My fiance is from Brielle. We're actually going up there next weekened for his cousins wedding. She's having her reception at the Spring Lake Bath and Tennis Club. I love that area sooo much. Have you ever eaten at the Point Pleasant Seafood Co op? I miss it so much.

It's just tough being away from my family and my parents are visiting right now (their first trip down here) and all my mom wants to do is plan and write the wording for the shower invitations and it's just stressing me out. I just want to enjoy their visit here.

My mom is no help with my sister. She wants me to let her do whatever she wants. I'm only having my sister in my wedding party. I thought there would be less stress then. We both have very fair skin so I didn't want to choose an unflattering color for her dress. I thought a chocolate brown would be lovely. She's like 'no I'm wearing black, chocolate will make me look like a piece of poop'. Black! For an afternoon wedding? ***! She wears black to everything, try a different color once in a while, you might like it! My mom never backs me up when I'm upset w/ her cause she says Ami's just upset I'm getting married before her. I just need to vent.

 

[marywdw]

I'm sorry to hear about your "issues" - I don't get why other girls use your getting married as an excuse to go out to strip bars and/or clubs???? That's just something that I'm not into - I'd much prefer going to a spa or shopping - maybe even a show in NY?? (I'm also from NJ and my whole family is up there). My shower is in August too - also in NJ. I told my mom and sisters just to throw it at my sisters house in South Jersey - it's easier that way. I'm also having mostly family b/c my mom wants all of "her cousins" that aren't invited to the (Intimate) wedding to come so I can't invite too many friends (another what the F situation). But a lot of my friends that I would invite live out of the area also and like you, I can't expect them to come to the shower in NJ from whatever state they live in if I didn't invite them to the wedding! Ah the joys of an Intimate wedding at WDW!!!
Try not to stress too much.....think of it this way, the wedding is your day - let everyone else go crazy with the pre-wedding events!!!
Good luck!

 

[Glorydaz]

MIchelle, thank you SOOO much. That is exactly what I needed to hear. You advice was perfect. Did the groom go to your nieces or just the some women's husbands?

Also, I know the Sandpiper Inn and it's so beautiful. My fiance is from Brielle. We're actually going up there next weekened for his cousins wedding. She's having her reception at the Spring Lake Bath and Tennis Club. I love that area sooo much. Have you ever eaten at the Point Pleasant Seafood Co op? I miss it so much.

It's just tough being away from my family and my parents are visiting right now (their first trip down here) and all my mom wants to do is plan and write the wording for the shower invitations and it's just stressing me out. I just want to enjoy their visit here.

My mom is no help with my sister. She wants me to let her do whatever she wants. I'm only having my sister in my wedding party. I thought there would be less stress then. We both have very fair skin so I didn't want to choose an unflattering color for her dress. I thought a chocolate brown would be lovely. She's like 'no I'm wearing black, chocolate will make me look like a piece of poop'. Black! For an afternoon wedding? ***! She wears black to everything, try a different color once in a while, you might like it! My mom never backs me up when I'm upset w/ her cause she says Ami's just upset I'm getting married before her. I just need to vent.

for the shower, yes the groom was there as well as her Dad, some Uncles and a couple of other guys...and they had a blast! lot's of guy's talk and my 3 month old nephew was there as well.... anything goes these days - like we're doing, you've got to think outside the box!

as for your sister, well that's a whole different story! I realize she is your sister BUT this is your wedding!! I've never heard of the MOH dictating the dress color and the bride giving in!! is brown in your color scheme or did you just think that would be a good color for her? if it's your color scheme - there is ABSOLUTELY no way I'd let her change the color!! if it's just a random color, then you have to decide what's worth fighting for....you could make her floral arrangement with brown's and creams or whatever colors you are using to help brighten up her dress ... and it sounds like you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your Mom because I for one think she is dead wrong for telling you to let your sister have whatever she wants!!

as for the Sandpiper, isn't it lovely??!! we go there about 2-3 times a year. Our wedding dinner buffet is coming from The Black Trumpet and our welcome/rehearsal dinner is being held at Rod's..

Michelle

 

[dmslush]

Yep, you're going to have to have your family understand that this is YOUR wedding and if they don't get it, you're going to have to get all bridezilla on them! LOL

Decide on what your colors are, and that is that. If you sister decides to wear a different color, tell her that you understand that Black is her favorite color, but it does not fit into your color scheme. If she decides that she must wear black, she will be beautiful in the dress, sitting with the other guests. If you keep bending to THEIR wishes, you will eventually be at a wedding that is not about you and your df, but rather about your family.

As for the bachelorette party, tell her that you just don't think you will have time at Thanksgiving, and you are going to plan something when everyone gets in disney. I am NOT a clubbing type person, I think I would be mortified if I had to go and do something like that!! And part of that is my age, and given the fact that DF and I have been together 11 years, I won't be having a bridal shower or bachelorette party.

.. on the other hand, I might have my very best friend who is not coming to the wedding (no one is invited except out daughter) go out to dinner with me right before we leave.. she lives on the wild side with me, we may go to Applebees LOL

 

[shaylih]

Thank you so much girls. All of your advice has been very helpful. I just need to be more assertive. I just don't want to be mean or hurt my sisters feelings I know my wedding is really tough on her. I'm doing neutral colors, browns, greens, creams, blush so black would just look harsh. I'm hoping she likes some of those Ann Taylor special occasion dresses.

I just had a great day w/ my mom. We went shopping at the snooty mall and she bought me 3 beautiful dresses, two from Sigrid Olsen and 1 from Ann Taylor Loft, 2 shirts, and a new pair of short pants. No stress, just fun shopping.
This for my wedding shower:

This is just a great black dress - I love the bead work around the neck - too bad you can't see it in the picture

I can't find the Ann Taylor one on the site, but it's strapless lace. I've had my eye on it for a long time and it finally went on sale. I'm feeling less stressed. It's the worst when you wake up in the middle of the night and can't stop worrying.

 

[DonaldsDaisy]

I would go with your Mom's suggestion about inviting the men. DH and I got married in Key West and no family attended by our choice. We are from different religous backrounds and his family was not happy with a church wedding and my family was not happy without one. Anywho, my sister gave me a shower in a nice resturant with our friends who live locally and our families. My DH is one of 4 boys so they were all invited as well as their wives and children. It was such a nice time to celebrate with the people who honestly cared about us.

Maybe your mother could find a resturant that can handle 20-30 people. Maybe instead of calling it a shower she could call it a pre-wedding celebration so that you can invite people who will not be attending the actual wedding.

No matter what you do just take the time to enjoy it goes by so quickly. Best Wishes!