Another OT topic. Anyone "redshirt" their child for kdg?

[allison443]

But his emotional maturity lags behind the other boys, several of whom are more than a year older, and he has so much trouble relating to them. It's made him so distressed and unhappy, he's been in therapy for nearly two years. He doesn't have any friends though he is a kind, sweet soul (girls love him). It's just he still enjoys creative, imaginative play while the boys in his class have moved into organized play like sports which he is indifferent about.

I'm sorry for what you're going through with your son. In hindsight we all have decisions we wish we could change...
But actually as you state, part of the problem is that some of the boys in his class are more than a year older-that's because their parents held them back, right? They should actually be in the grade ahead of your son. He is probably still on grade level with his imaginative play while the older boys are on their age level with organized play. The problem seems to be having too wide an age range in kindergarten.

Yet at the same time, I can see where each parent should be free to make their determination for their individual child.

If this is becoming so widespread, why don't districts move their cutoff dates earlier in the year? Our town is Oct. 31 and I think NYC is still December 31.

 

[mommyof3rookies]

One more thing to the OP. I was talking to my DH about this and asked him if he would change sending our second ds to school at 5, he said no. That launched us into an indepth conversation about our ds. He brought up a valid point, our ds was less mature than the others in his class until right after Christmas break, however in those 3 years we was also "small". We have been battling his weight for YEARS, from Dec 2005 until June 2008 he hadn't gained any weight, he'd had 2 colonoscopies for polyps and he yoyoed back and forth between 40 and 43 pounds. His BMI was 5%. We talked with a fantastic dr who when glancing at our ds's menu for the past 3 days said he was taking in enough calories, but then when he realized our ds is VERY active decided to up his calories. We now count calories for him and he takes in about 2000 calories a day give or take 10 or 15. The reason I am telling you about the calories is because the dr said with a BMI that low, that our ds was not getting enough caloric intake for the brain, litterally, he was using every calorie he was taking in within minutes of eating it. Low BMI is bad for brain development incluging maturity. Now with the correct calorie intake for him he is putting on weight, he's gained 3 pounds since June which is HUGE for him, but more importantly his brain is getting enough. My ds is still "small" but my dh is small and my dmil is 5 foot nothing, LOL, but he is not growing. Maybe something to think about with a "small" child.

 

[jenjersnap]

I'm sorry for what you're going through with your son. In hindsight we all have decisions we wish we could change...
But actually as you state, part of the problem is that some of the boys in his class are more than a year older-that's because their parents held them back, right? They should actually be in the grade ahead of your son. He is probably still on grade level with his imaginative play while the older boys are on their age level with organized play. The problem seems to be having too wide an age range in kindergarten.

Yet at the same time, I can see where each parent should be free to make their determination for their individual child.

If this is becoming so widespread, why don't districts move their cutoff dates earlier in the year? Our town is Oct. 31 and I think NYC is still December 31.

Actually, ITA with you. One hundred percent. My post was just the tip of the iceberg and answering the OP's question. I wish school districts would strongly encourage parents to send their children on time unless there is a documented issue. It's a self-perpetuating cycle when it is the custom of the parents in a school district which is why I mentioned that you should take how pervasive holding back is in your area, IMO. My DS is the second youngest boy in the entire third grade - again, his birthday is in June and the deadline is September 15 - and the other younger boy is also having issues. It seems like a totally unnecessary situation. But I still have no doubt holding my second DS was the correct decision based on the custom here.

If we lived in another school district, things might have been very different for my oldest DS.

 

[cmaee]

My oldest DS has a mid-August birthday. He turned 5 a week before he started Kindergarten. I didn't hesitate to send him to Kindergarten. I am a stay at home mom, so they were home with me all the time. When he was 3, a local church had a 1/2 day mother's morning out program once a week that I put him in. When he was in that class, I could tell a huge difference in the ages of kids. At that time, 6 months made a huge difference in the kids behaviors. When he turned 4, I sent him to the More at Four program in our district. It was like what Kindergarten used to be like when we were in school. They went all day, every day. He never had any problems. I couldn't tell an age difference in the kids behaviors at all. I could only guess who was older/younger based on their heights. I don't necessarily believe in the whole emotional readiness for school. I think that you can expect a certain behavior from your children no matter what the age. My DH and I have always made an effort to instill in our children the concept that all actions have consquences. What is realistic, is expected. What isn't realistic, isn't expected, but we are working on it becoming realistic. My DS's know how to act in school, because we have shown them in other situations how they are to act...sitting still in Sunday School and listening to what their teachers says, working quietly and independently on a project while I work with the other child on something, not interrupting others, and verbalizing what is and isn't acceptable behavior at school. By 5, kids are more than capable of sitting in class and exceling in a school environment. Teachers will know how to deal with the children, they know what is normal behavior for a 5 year old (or 4 year old depending on their birthdays). My DS is extremely small for his age. He is 6 1/2 and is only 43.5" tall. His younger brother (who is in More at Four) is only 1/2" shorter than him. He is the smallest kid in his class, and judging by mine and DH's heights, he will not be a tall adult. I know that it does bother my son that he is the smallest and hasn't lost any of his baby teeth yet, while all of his classmates have, but we talk about it and he knows his time will come when it won't be like anymore. He is the class social butterfly. That is his personality and always has been.

With that being said, if you want to hold your child back..then do it. If you are going to be miserable about it, then don't do it. If you do it and your DS has an issue, it will be blamed on sending him to early, so save yourself the agony. You have to live with your decision, so make the one that you think you need to make.

 

[3boymthr]

Youngest DS was born in June. He was a very immature 5 when we sent him to Kindergarten last year. No interest in school, had been to pre-school, but didn't know his letters could barely write his own name. We debated and debated about should we send him/shouldn't we send him. The pre-school teacher was NO help. (I could tell her advice was financially motivated).

I got some very good advice from an Aunt who had been a teacher for over 40 years and a friend who has been a teacher for 15 years. They both said we should send him, give a good try and if after a couple of months he was miserable we could always pull him out and put him in pre-school (most pre-schools will have one or two openings mid year as people move, get laid off, etc.) and there was a chance that he would surprise us and mature during Kindergarten. And he also might be really mature before he ever got to kindergarten as a lot of kids mature a LOT over summer.

My aunt also said never be afraid to have a child repeat a grade. It's better that they be ahead of the curve than behind. You might regret pushing him, but you will never regret making them repeat a grade.

Our school offers three different programs, half day, transitional (half day thru Jan then whole day) and then whole day. We made the leap of faith and sent him half day. He didn't do miserably, he made lots of friends and while he was definitely behind he also matured a LOT because the kids in Kindergarten were much more mature than those in pre-school and the teacher's expectations were higher. It helped him so much. He is in Kindergarten again this year full day and is thriving. He does very very well academically (where he was very behind last year). He has matured to meet the level of the other kids in the class.

One last comment. If you are having this debate because you must sign up now and just aren't sure what to do - sign up anyway. I was advised by my school that you can pull a child from the Kindergarten roster right up to a week before school starts in the fall. This will give you until the week before school starts to make a final decision and to see where he is maturity wise. You just have to let them know that you have decided to hold him back a year for maturity issues.

 

[39CINDERELLA]

my DS is a mid Aug. b-day..
I started him in K the week after he turned 5. I only had him in 1/2 day every day. He handled it great, but when he started 1st grade is when he had some emotional/separation issues. That lasted for the first few months of school where he would cry at recess and not play with anyone just hang around the noon aid.
If I had to do it all over again I would wait that extra year.

P.S. He is doing great academically it was more emotional than how smart he is.

 

[mombare]

Now you are joining us as 'one of the people on the boards who get mad about it' and you illustrated our point perfectly with your example. There are too many 'should be in first grade really' kids who are mucking up the Kindergarten classroom for those who truly belong there. They are too old to be there and obviously know way more than 4 and young 5 year olds (not because they are brilliant, simply from living longer). And it doesn't matter whether what reason the parents are doing it - if there is an actual reason or just the vague 'not ready'. QUOTE]

My point in writing about this one particular child is that the child was held back for the specific reason of being good in sports. His mother blatently tells people she wants him to be the best and the only way she could do it was by holding him back. I believe he is a very intelligent child, but just should have gone to Kindergarten at a more appropriate time for him. From my standpoint, it has been helpful to teach my daughter some valuable life lessons regarding relating to others.

There are other children in her class that were "redshirted" who are thriving, and their parents had the same decision to make. They are thankful for giving them the additional year to mature. From what I can see, it has set them up for success.

Holding a child back is a very difficult decision, and I am sorry if I offended anyone. I really didn't mean to!!! In our state, the cutoff is September 1 to begin Kindergarten at 5 years old. There is one school district around here that is considering changing the cutoff to May 1 (that a child must be 5 to start kindergarten in the fall). In my mind, it speaks volumes to benefits of "redshirting". (BTW: I really dislike that term.)

 

[brymolmom]

My point in writing about this one particular child is that the child was held back for the specific reason of being good in sports. His mother blatently tells people she wants him to be the best and the only way she could do it was by holding him back. I believe he is a very intelligent child, but just should have gone to Kindergarten at a more appropriate time for him. From my standpoint, it has been helpful to teach my daughter some valuable life lessons regarding relating to others.

There are other children in her class that were "redshirted" who are thriving, and their parents had the same decision to make. They are thankful for giving them the additional year to mature. From what I can see, it has set them up for success.

Holding a child back is a very difficult decision, and I am sorry if I offended anyone. I really didn't mean to!!! In our state, the cutoff is September 1 to begin Kindergarten at 5 years old. There is one school district around here that is considering changing the cutoff to May 1 (that a child must be 5 to start kindergarten in the fall). In my mind, it speaks volumes to benefits of "redshirting". (BTW: I really dislike that term.)[/QUOTE]


No offense taken. Just was kind of funny that someone who commented on some of us being angry actually sounded pretty angry about your specific case. Doesn't matter what the reason - the kids don't belong and will disrupt the class and the 'natural' bell curve. I totally agree with changing the cutoffs - especially here where it is still so late (dec 1st), however, this will NOT solve the problem. With a cutoff of May 1st, parents of kids with March, April and likely even Jan and Feb birthdays will begin to hold their children back. Because, after all, a 6 and a half year old will be much more mature than a child who is just 5 and a half. The problem will not be solved until parental choice is removed from the equation.

 

[summermac]

I would worry about the still-crying thing, too. See if you can nip that this year during preschool. What have you tried?

Everything I can think of. Talking up school. A rule on two hugs & two kisses. Telling him what a big boy he is. Talking about how proud I am. How his crying hurts my feelings. Asking him to not cry. Being excited about his BFF who goes there.

He tells me it's "too long" and he wants me to pick him up after lunch. Last year it was half days; this year it's full days. Our kindy is full days as well with about a 45 minute bus ride one way. *cry*

But once he gets there and I get out, the teacher tells me he does great. He's gotten several student of the week awards. He completes his work and gets I'm proud of you stamps. He writes his own name and most letters of the alphabet and he's also starting to sound things out (barely but he's getting there).

It's just the crying. Often he'll start the NIGHT before even. He did that yesterday. Then threw an awesome tantrum this morning over it. Sobbed in the car. Didn't cry at drop off but that was b/c I begged him not to on the way in. Ahhhh!!!!!!

 

[mom2aredhead]

Our town is Oct. 31 and I think NYC is still December 31.

NYC public schools are December 31st. They discourage "red-shirting" by using the "born in" year for Kindergarten (which is optional) and first grade. So if you elect to not send your child to kindergarten in the year they're eligible, the following year they will be put in first grade, essentially
doing more harm than good.
People get around it by paying for private school for Pre-K, Kind and 1st grade, then transferring the kids into public schools for 2nd grade. Unfortunately in my neighborhood a lot of those kids are attempting to transition from a Montessori program to a traditional public school setting and they're so completely different that I don't think it helps them over the short term.

And people suggested changing the cutoff date..honestly unless it is enforced and parents abide by it, there will be no difference. You'll still have the "I don't want my kid to be the youngest" crowd, but now it will be the March and April birthdays being held back instead of the summer/fall ones.

You can imagine how hard NCLB reporting or any kind of across the board comparison is now with kids from age 4.5 to 6.4 starting the same grade at the same time.

 

[jeepgirl30]

I did not read all the replies but if I could go back in time, I would not have sent DD(now 8) when I did. She too has a June bday and I honestly thought when they are 5 by the Sept 1 cut off, they go.

I didn't know it was a parents choice.

We have struggled each year. The school wants to hold her back and have repeatedly said she is one of the youngest. I laid into them last year saying if they wanted her to be 5 by Jan 1 they should make that the rule or atleast tell parents that! I was a first time mom, how was I supposed to know this?!

My DS turned 6 in Nov so he is just in Kgarten now and is doing well both socially and on the learning.

 

[mombare]

And I was a summer birthday (along with my husband and sister)...I hoestly wish I would have been held back, as I could have used some additional maturing. I did great academically, but seemed to struggle a bit socially. For my kids (I know this is crazy), I had decided I would do everything in my power to make sure they did not have summer birthdays. I didn't even want to be forced to make that decision!!
OP - good luck with your decision. I think the general consensus is that you know your child best, consult with your school/teachers, and trust your gut! I am glad we made it through this thread with no casualties!!

 

[julm26]

We are having the opposite problem, our DD4 won't turn 5 until november but is very smart and mature - she will have to wait another year while her "best friend" turns 5 in July but is very immature will head to Kindergarten. I don't mind that she will have another year of preschool but i just worry it will break her heart when all her friends go on to kindergarten and she won't. Her preschool allowed her into the 4/5 year all day preschool program when she was still 3 even though the cutoff was Sept. first. but they made me promise I wouldn't push for her to go to Kindergarten early.

 

[anphsmom]

I had to jump in here. My ds is 16 days from cutoff, Oct. 1 birthday. I decided the day he was born he wouldn't start school the year he turned 5.(I know, a LITTLE early, but hey, I was a kindergarten teacher) Sure enough, that year he was smart enough(more than), but not ready for all the seatwork, writing stuff. He started this year and LOVES school and is doing well. The neat thing for us has been that there are at least 7 others in his class turning 6 either before or right after him, so he isn't the oldest or youngest, he's the same age!!! That doesn't happen often. You know your child and every child is different. I am very glad we waited. My mom waited with my brother Aug. birthday and was soo glad she did. I also like to think of it as you get one more year with them. It goes by so fast!

 

[Leajess99]

Now you are joining us as 'one of the people on the boards who get mad about it' and you illustrated our point perfectly with your example. There are too many 'should be in first grade really' kids who are mucking up the Kindergarten classroom for those who truly belong there. They are too old to be there and obviously know way more than 4 and young 5 year olds (not because they are brilliant, simply from living longer). And it doesn't matter whether what reason the parents are doing it - if there is an actual reason or just the vague 'not ready'.

To the OP - if your child is an average 4 year old in terms of maturity - that is what your Kindergarten is geared toward. If he is way below 'normal' - then maybe consider it (and work with a doctor on it). But really, when the cutoff is Dec. 1st as it is here - kids who are 4 and young 5 are SUPPOSED to be in that classroom and they are SUPPOSED to act like normal 4 and 5 year olds - which does not include extreme emotional maturity yet.

Very great post. In the school I went to when growing up they had a pre-first program for those kids who completed Kindergarten but were no quite ready for 1st grade. As for the immaturity, my 10 year old dd was still immature in 2nd grade and her teacher wanted to keep her from going into the 3rd grade Math class because of it. I took that to the principal and she went into 3rd grade math. She truely is Gifted and today made the Spelling Bee as the #1 speller in her class (very proud momma here). She is still somewhat immature compared to her classmates but an injustice would have been done had she not started when she was supposed to.
The little boy in my 6 year old dd's kindergarten class that just turned 5 in September is actually do good in school. He does get extra help but that was expected anyway due to medical reasons. Our Kindergarten is full day and is geared for the 4 and 5 year olds. They have the kids broken down in Math on their level so no one is doing more advanced work that they are ready for.

 

[Leajess99]

My point in writing about this one particular child is that the child was held back for the specific reason of being good in sports. His mother blatently tells people she wants him to be the best and the only way she could do it was by holding him back. I believe he is a very intelligent child, but just should have gone to Kindergarten at a more appropriate time for him. From my standpoint, it has been helpful to teach my daughter some valuable life lessons regarding relating to others.

We have some of those kids in the basketball league we play in. It is sad that they want their kids to win because they are bigger than the real kindergarteners or other age appropriate players. My youngest is actually move up to the Under 8 league in soccer this Spring because she is really good but also has been playing soccer since she could walk due to older siblings. My 10 year old moved up early as well because she was needing to move up. I could never hold my kids back in sports just so they can be better than the age appropriate kids. Parents that think they need to hold a child back so they can be better at sports really need to wake up and see the harm they are doing to their child.

 

[lilybrooke14]

My DH has a March birthday and he was "red shirted" as a little guy. My FIL is a high school principal, and he said he could see a world of difference in the 18 year olds and the 19 year olds who graduated. DH did great in school and was top of our class when we graduated. It probably would have been a good idea for my parents to hold me back a year. I have a summer birthday, and was usually the youngest in my class. I was 17 when I graduated, and probably could have used an extra year for maturity, even though I did well both socially and academically. DD is a March baby, and I don't really forsee any reason to hold her back, although I wouldn't hesitate if I thought it would be better for her in the long run.

 

[mumto3girls]

DD8 has a June birthday and our district's cutoff date is September 1. I held her back despite her preschool teacher telling me that she thought she'd be fine. I made my decision based on several things:
1. DD did not start preschool until she was 4 because she had difficulty separating. Many children in this area have at least 2 if not 3 years of preschool.
2. Our preschool draws from several different school districts and our district is known to be one of the most "academic" in K. At the K registration meeting the administrators actually tell the parents that if they have a summer child they should strongly consider holding the child, particularly a boy. DD was showing no interest in knowing her letters or in learning to read although I believed she could probably do it if we had insisted, I wanted her at this age to want to do it, not be forced to do it.

She did a transition class at the same school she attended for preschool. It was 4 afternoons per week.

She is now in second grade. I suspect now that she would have done fine had I sent her at 5. She did mature quite a bit that summer before she would have started. I don't regret my decision though. She did work in K that I did not do until at least 1st grade if not 2nd. She gets a good deal of homework Monday through Thursday--anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour most nights. It can be a struggle and I think that would have even been worse a year ago. Her grades are good but she does not seem bored and occasionally even seems to struggle a bit. Her teacher this year asked me what my secret was to having such a well behaved child. I told her I didn't have any secrets really and that I wondered if possibly she just had an easier time sitting still and paying attention because she was older and reminded her that she was a summer child who had been held back. Her reply was something along the lines of, well congratulations on making a good decision. Incidentally, there are three other girls in her class that I know of who's birthdays are in within a few weeks of hers. One was held back from K by her parents and the other two repeated K.

I think when you are making this kind of decision you need to know your child and the expectations in your school district. Some kids are still coloring and painting in K--others are reading by the end of the year. The range of expectations is huge.