Another discrimination WWYD

[Hikergirl]

And I assure you, this one is real...

How would you feel about a middle school girls' sport coach being transgender? Or lesbian? (I'm not entirely sure how familiar the complaining parent(s) is with the volunteer, so I'm not sure what the specific complaint is yet). There is, of course, an adult 'coach' present at all times at practices and games, but the team wouldn't even exist without this student volunteer because none of the adults who were able to take on leading the team know enough about the sport to provide any meaningful instruction to a group of girls who have mostly never played before.

It would be a non-issue.
Someone's gender identity or their sexual preference isn't anyone's business, and in this case has absolutely no bearing on whether they can do the job of coaching a sport.
I hope that this parent complainer didn't "out" someone in the process of complaining, especially since this is a student and not an adult who they have a problem with.

 

[msjprincess]

What would I do about, what? What's the question?

 

[sam_gordon]

What sport? Middle school- 12, 13, 14?

Why does that matter? Would your answer change based on the age?

Soccer, softball, volleyball?

Again, why does it matter? It's ok for the softball coach to be a lesbian/trans, but not the soccer coach?

To the OP, the only POSSIBLE issue I could see is if a lesbian coach had to "oversee" girls showering. And before someone says I'm claiming all lesbians are pedophiles, that's not what I'm saying. I'm sure there would be an issue with a male coach overseeing girls showering also. I don't see a difference between those two (male coach & lesbian coach). As long as the same safeguards that would be in place for a male coach are in place, who cares?

 

[cabanafrau]

For a coach I'd be concerned about coaching skills, character, personality, ethics and how that affects interaction with athletes in particular. Outside of that is out of bounds as far as what I'd be concerned about. Coaches are allowed to have personal lives.

 

[mjkacmom]

Why does that matter? Would your answer change based on the age?

Again, why does it matter? It's ok for the softball coach to be a lesbian/trans, but not the soccer coach?

To the OP, the only POSSIBLE issue I could see is if a lesbian coach had to "oversee" girls showering. And before someone says I'm claiming all lesbians are pedophiles, that's not what I'm saying. I'm sure there would be an issue with a male coach overseeing girls showering also. I don't see a difference between those two (male coach & lesbian coach). As long as the same safeguards that would be in place for a male coach are in place, who cares?

I would have no issue having a lesbian overseeing girls showering, but I would have a problem with a male teacher.

 

[sam_gordon]

I would have no issue having a lesbian overseeing girls showering, but I would have a problem with a male teacher.

Why? Not to be argumentative, but in my simple mind, male* = "attracted to female bodies", lesbian = "attracted to female bodies", therefore they're the same.

* Obviously heterosexual (or bisexual) male.

 

[luvsJack]

I wouldn't have an issue with it and probably wouldn't even realize the person is a lesbian or trans until someone brought it to my attention. As long as they are doing the job they have been hired or assigned to do, I don't see where any of the rest of it should be anyone's business or have any bearing on it.

 

[Colleen27]

Please update us when you know the nature of the complaint - it could be something legitimate that has absolutely nothing to do with the sexual preference or gender identity of the person. That said, neither of those two characteristics have anything to do with sports, or the ability to coach, or being safe around kids or whatever - they shouldn't even be considered. Period.

I will, as soon as I know more. I'm one of the adult coaches on the team, and we were supposed to have our pre-season meeting this morning so I expected to get more information then... but we have a snow day today, so the meeting got pushed to Thursday. The complaining parent apparently raised the issue with a teacher last week but hasn't said anything to me or the other coach directly.

What sport? Middle school- 12, 13, 14?

Soccer, softball, volleyball?

What's the issue? Just their gender identity or something else?

Daughter at age 10 had 2 young high school/junior college volunteer coaches who taught her a lot about her sport. Their gender identity never came up on the field.

7 years later, I've learned one is lesbian and the other trans. Never was a question or issue. It was all about teaching the girls a sport they love.

Middle school basketball, 6th to 8th grade. So the players are 11 to 13.

I suspect the only reason this has come up at all is that our student volunteer is an alum of the school himself, and he was female-presenting during those years because he was still figuring things out and was afraid of his parents' reaction. He had his first girlfriend during those years but not many people knew about it, especially among the adults. I only knew/know because he's close friends with my DD18. But he's been male-presenting for two years, recently began taking hormones to begin transition, and took his girlfriend to homecoming for the first time this year... and the family I suspect complained has two older children at the same high school he attends. Sometimes small towns are a pain in the rear - everybody knows far too much about everyone else's history and personal life.

Why is sexual orientation even a thing for a volunteer job?
Isn’t that a huge human rights no no?

It is a parochial school, so it there isn't a legal question - they have the right to discriminate on religious freedom grounds. But we've had one LGBT teacher in the past and administration didn't think it was a disqualifying factor (though I'm not sure how many of the parents knew her orientation; a few at least, since she lived openly and was married to a woman), so the other coach and I didn't expect it to become an issue. Especially since we do all know the volunteer, many of us for most of his life, and he has a reputation as being very kind, helpful, and good with the younger students.

 

[mjkacmom]

Why? Not to be argumentative, but in my simple mind, male* = "attracted to female bodies", lesbian = "attracted to female bodies", therefore they're the same.

* Obviously heterosexual (or bisexual) male.

My daughter’s would be more comfortable with me seeing them naked than DH seeing them naked, and they wouldn’t be worried about him having sexual feelings towards them. It’s not about sex, it’s about feeling more comfortable being undressed with someone of the same sex. I’d be more comfortable undressing in front of a gay woman than a gay man.

 

[sam_gordon]

My daughter’s would be more comfortable with me seeing them naked than DH seeing them naked, and they wouldn’t be worried about him having sexual feelings towards them. It’s not about sex, it’s about feeling more comfortable being undressed with someone of the same sex. I’d be more comfortable undressing in front of a gay woman than a gay man.

Thanks for answering.

 

[Colleen27]

My daughter’s would be more comfortable with me seeing them naked than DH seeing them naked, and they wouldn’t be worried about him having sexual feelings towards them. It’s not about sex, it’s about feeling more comfortable being undressed with someone of the same sex. I’d be more comfortable undressing in front of a gay woman than a gay man.

Yeah, I think at that point it is more about what body the person inhabits than about what bodies he or she is sexually attracted to - kind of the same reasoning that prompts a lot of girls and women to be more comfortable with a female doctor than a male.

But in this situation, the point is moot. The girls do change into gym clothes for practice but don't shower, and a lot of them still use the stalls to change because they're at that age where they're mostly self-conscious about being more or less developed than their peers. They don't shower or change back into their uniforms at the end of practice because they're just heading home afterwards. And what little locker room monitoring is needed - basically just making sure they're not goofing off and taking forever to get to the gym, and checking that nothing was left behind at the end of the day - falls on the adult coach.

 

[siren0119]

My daughter’s would be more comfortable with me seeing them naked than DH seeing them naked, and they wouldn’t be worried about him having sexual feelings towards them. It’s not about sex, it’s about feeling more comfortable being undressed with someone of the same sex. I’d be more comfortable undressing in front of a gay woman than a gay man.

Just to add to that, not all but many women have male OB's and male doctors. I hate that when we talk about LGBTQ, the instant assumption is that sexual feelings are present at all times - but that's not true in the same way that I don't have sexual feelings towards any and every man I come in contact with - including nudity in movies/TV. People actually have some discretion, and can separate themselves when their position/job/relationship requires it. And few people experience sexual feelings EVERY Time they encounter a person of the sex they are attracted to. It's just not the way humans operate.

 

[mjkacmom]

Just to add to that, not all but many women have male OB's and male doctors. I hate that when we talk about LGBTQ, the instant assumption is that sexual feelings are present at all times - but that's not true in the same way that I don't have sexual feelings towards any and every man I come in contact with - including nudity in movies/TV. People actually have some discretion, and can separate themselves when their position/job/relationship requires it. And few people experience sexual feelings EVERY Time they encounter a person of the sex they are attracted to. It's just not the way humans operate.

I prefer females doctors, but I’m fine with male doctors, having had 5 children I’ve been poked and prodded by both sexes many times, and sexual attraction has NEVER been an issue!

 

[sam_gordon]

Just to add to that, not all but many women have male OB's and male doctors. I hate that when we talk about LGBTQ, the instant assumption is that sexual feelings are present at all times - but that's not true in the same way that I don't have sexual feelings towards any and every man I come in contact with - including nudity in movies/TV. People actually have some discretion, and can separate themselves when their position/job/relationship requires it. And few people experience sexual feelings EVERY Time they encounter a person of the sex they are attracted to. It's just not the way humans operate.

I totally agree with you. But how many people would be up in arms if a male coach had to "oversee" HS (much less MS) girls showering? Wouldn't the natural argument be "it's not sexual"? Do you think that would satisfy everyone? So why does it if we're talking about a lesbian?

 

[siren0119]

I totally agree with you. But how many people would be up in arms if a male coach had to "oversee" HS (much less MS) girls showering? Wouldn't the natural argument be "it's not sexual"? Do you think that would satisfy everyone? So why does it if we're talking about a lesbian?

Because as a society we are pretty messed up on this subject in general. So much of what we have decided is the "norm" (i.e. men not overseeing girls locker rooms, pretty much most things about the LGBTQ community) is rooted in outdated and ill-conceived information. How many boys were assaulted by men in power positions over the years and yet there's no concern for putting men in charge of boys locker rooms? The history of the Boy Scouts and the Catholic church are pretty good examples of the flawed logic behind your question. The whole question is a tangled web.

Adults should be accountable for their actions and trustworthy to hold positions of authority in ANY capacity, regardless of gender, orientation, or any other category they might fall under.

 

[aprilgail]

Wouldn't matter to me at all.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Not an issue. - I'd just be grateful to get a competent volunteer!

(And if this person's complaint results in losing said volunteer, I think the complainer should have to find/hire a replacement!)

 

[siren0119]

Not an issue. - I'd just be grateful to get a competent volunteer!

(And if this person's complaint results in losing said volunteer, I think the complainer should have to find/hire a replacement!)

Or require them to volunteer themselves! I guarantee they would change their tune pretty quick if was going to cost them any time of their own LOL

 

[PollyannaMom]

Why does that matter? Would your answer change based on the age?

Again, why does it matter? It's ok for the softball coach to be a lesbian/trans, but not the soccer coach?

To the OP, the only POSSIBLE issue I could see is if a lesbian coach had to "oversee" girls showering. And before someone says I'm claiming all lesbians are pedophiles, that's not what I'm saying. I'm sure there would be an issue with a male coach overseeing girls showering also. I don't see a difference between those two (male coach & lesbian coach). As long as the same safeguards that would be in place for a male coach are in place, who cares?

Most middle-schoolers I know wouldn't really comfortable with any teacher seeing them in the shower - male/female/straight/gay/whatever. So I'd be willing to bet any supervision in that area is just shouting "knock off the dawdling and get to class" from the doorway.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

How would you feel about a middle school girls' sport coach being transgender? Or lesbian?

These aren't actually related. You can be either or both.