Another Christmas thread..

[C.Ann]

All these Christmas threads (Like it; Don't like it; Whatcha gonna buy your kids; What's your budget; etc.) got me to thinking..

Many people say that commercialism has really gone over the top when it comes to the holiday and how people celebrate, so I was just wondering....

Do you think that poor people enjoy the holidays as much as people who are better off?

Do you think they might focus more on the true meaning and the family aspects of it?

Do you think it's possible for them to really enjoy the holidays with so much spend, spend, spending going on around them - when they themselves can't spend?

Do you happen to personally know any really poor families? And if so, what has their attitude been during prior Christmases?

 

[Serena]

I truly believe it's up to the individual families.
Someone poor can focus on the spending part of it and miss the whole idea of christmas, and what they can't have, just like someone rich that has all the money to spend all they want.

But I bet it's hard to focus on giving when you don't have money for the rent.

 

[Planogirl]

I agree with you Serena. It must be hard to be grateful too when every day is a struggle and so many others seem to have so much. Christmas might almost seem like a party that you weren't invited to.

 

[C.Ann]

Interesting answers.. I met several families this summer up north in the mountains who live either at poverty level or below it and I have to say, they were among some of the most upbeat people I have ever encountered..

They don't participate in any of the free hand-out programs (no welfare, food stamps or anything of that nature) - they just live their lives within their means and seem to be so happy and content with their lot in life.. They focus on different things than a lot of people do - more on family; doing chores together; chatting over meals; enjoying the nature all around them; and truly seem content to live their very simple lifestyles.. Even the children are upbeat and happy - entertaining themselves by playing outside; reading; building tree houses; helping Mom and Dad; swimming in the lake; fishing; etc.. They spend very little time watching television (mostly just for the news) - and maybe that's part of the reason they don't get caught up in the "gotta have this, gotta have that" syndrome, but whatever the reason is, it was certainly refreshing to be around them..

I have a feeling that their Christmas will be a very happy one - even if they aren't able to indulge in a lot of spending.. Sometimes I have to wonder if people like that have it "right" and the rest of us have it "wrong".. :LOL
I just couldn't get over how peaceful, happy and content they were.. It was really quite an amazing experience.. I guess that's one of the things I like about Small Town, America - no need to try to keep up with the Joneses or anyone else - just sit on the front porch and watch the world go by..

 

[Keli]

I can tell you that I didn't enjoy christmas as much on the years we were on a REALLY tight budget. There are so many expenses that are hard to cut at the holidays, especially if you have children, that you are often more stressed trying to afford the things that are important to you.

For me that was buying a decent christmas for my dd, buying food to prepare special holiday dishes that had become a tradition to my family, buying some kind of gift for my inlaws and parents, etc.

I lost sight of the important things about the holidays in worrying how to provide the basics for my family. I much more like the years that don't include that type of scrimping although I always like to have a budget and not overspend. Otherwise I'd buy for my dd until I didn't have a dollar left, lol.

 

[C.Ann]

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[mommaU4]

We all know money and the lack of it a can be a huge source of stress in a family and I'm sure Christmas only makes things worse.

But sometimes I wonder if the "less fortunate" aren't really better off because they don't have as much so they might appreciate it more?

I have relatives who give each of their children around 35-40 presents to open Christmas Day. The kids are good kids but treat their belongings horribly and I can't help but wonder if maybe they didn't recieve so much they wouldn't act that way.

We are a one-income family because I'm a SAHM so we always set a budget and try to stick to it. I don't feel as though it adds any more stress to the season or makes it any less enjoyable. It just forces me to be a little more creative in my shopping, shopping only at sales and sometimes buying stuff year round when there's a good deal and saving it for Christmas. It's not a big deal.

I wonder about the people who lost everything in Katrina. The ones who were barely making it to begin with. I just hope those families will have a good Christmas.

 

[C.Ann]

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[mickeyfan2]

All these Christmas threads (Like it; Don't like it; Whatcha gonna buy your kids; What's your budget; etc.) got me to thinking..

Many people say that commercialism has really gone over the top when it comes to the holiday and how people celebrate, so I was just wondering....

Do you think that poor people enjoy the holidays as much as people who are better off?

Do you think they might focus more on the true meaning and the family aspects of it?

Do you think it's possible for them to really enjoy the holidays with so much spend, spend, spending going on around them - when they themselves can't spend?

Do you happen to personally know any really poor families? And if so, what has their attitude been during prior Christmases?

Yes it can be very tough for them. This is why DH and I always Adopt-A-Family for Christmas. We give the children the kind of Christmas that they see on TV. They get all the food to have a feast on Christmas day. We also deliver our packages and this is an eye opener. This is the only contact that we have with the family and always leave understanding the true meaning of Christmas. This is something I would recommend to everybody. You will never regret the experience. It is the most uplifting experience to get a hug from the mother and see a temporary lifting of the weight on her shoulders.

 

[Kermit]

I think it varies widely, and to a large extent, it probably depends on why the family is poor. Some people are poor because they choose to do something that they love that doesn't earn much money. I would think that those people would be very content because they've chosen to be where they are in life. On the other hand, I know some poor people who don't want to work very hard, and they have a big chip on their shoulders because they think that people with money are just lucky, despite the fact that the people they're referring to made big sacrifices to become educated in something profitable and work really hard. They don't enjoy life much at all, and I'm sure that Christmas would be even harder since they already begrudge the "stuff" that other people have.

I would think that the most variation would happen with the people who weren't always poor but are now because of something like an illness or a job loss. Sometimes those experiences make people stronger and more positive, but sometimes it wipes them out.

 

[C.Ann]

I think it varies widely, and to a large extent, it probably depends on why the family is poor. Some people are poor because they choose to do something that they love that doesn't earn much money. I would think that those people would be very content because they've chosen to be where they are in life. On the other hand, I know some poor people who don't want to work very hard, and they have a big chip on their shoulders because they think that people with money are just lucky, despite the fact that the people they're referring to made big sacrifices to become educated in something profitable and work really hard. They don't enjoy life much at all, and I'm sure that Christmas would be even harder since they already begrudge the "stuff" that other people have.

I would think that the most variation would happen with the people who weren't always poor but are now because of something like an illness or a job loss. Sometimes those experiences make people stronger and more positive, but sometimes it wipes them out.

------------------------------

Great answer! You've managed to hit on all the possible reasons people might be poor and why some don't really "feel" poor and others do..

 

[Michie]

I have a long time friend and her family consisted of herself, her DH and their two sons.. For Christmas, each person received one gift a piece and some things in their stockings.. It wasn't a money issue with them - they just didn't see the reasoning behind tons of gifts when that wasn't the real purpose of the holiday.. Worked out well for them, but I know it wouldn't for many others.. I wonder why that is?

We don't buy alot of gifts, just for kids, and a very few others. It has nothing to do with our budget though. We do go on a cruise between Christmas and New Years.

Me and my sisters, we have not exchanged gifts in a long time. They all have grandkids, greatgandkids and such to buy for. Honestly, instead of them putting the time and money into a gift, I would rather just see them.

The Dh, on the hand, his side of the family all exchange gifts, but we don't with them.

I don't understand why people allow themselves to become so stressed out over gift giving If you don't want to, just say no. You don't need an excuse.

 

[C.Ann]

I don't understand why people allow themselves to become so stressed out over gift giving If you don't want to, just say no. You don't need an excuse.

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I think some people are afraid to just say no - afraid to upset the apple cart - afraid of appearing cheap - or afraid of what others will think of them..

Me? I just do whatever I feel like doing now and let the chips fall where they may..

 

[graygables]

It obviously depends on the attitude of the people the REST of the year. Two things immediately came to mind: A Christmas Carol and The Gift of the Magi. I really think that most people who are not financially well off, but who practice gratitude year-round will fall into one of those two story lines. For people who do NOT practice gratitude year round, there really isn't much help for them at the holidays, either. Look what we have vs. Look what we don't have...the joy is found in the being grateful, no matter what your financial status.

 

[aprilgail2]

Do you happen to personally know any really poor families? And if so, what has their attitude been during prior Christmases?

I work with a local toy drive that helps sick kids and needy kid so I know a LOT of them!! Their attitude is STRESS....they are strugling to find a way to even get one or 2 toys under that tree for christmas morning...I love being able to give these people a bag of toys, more than they could ever get for them to open up on christmas morning. This year the girl scouts are adopting a few families and when I asked they said they get them food and clothes....thats fine...but for me that is not enough..I don't want to hear of any kid not having a toy on Christmas morning so I contacted the pres. of the toy drive and he gave me the ok to hook them up with some toys to go along with the food and clothes.

 

[Marseeya]

I've known some poor people who buy into the commercialization just like anybody else. They'll go to the dollar store and stock up on junk just to have a bunch of stuff under the tree. I've known wealthier people who buy very little and focus on the spiritual aspect.

I really struggle with the whole gift giving. My parents weren't wealthy by any means, but they always showed their love by giving us money or gifts. So, at Christmas, living room would be filled with toys and presents. It was pretty excessive. Then when I started having kids of my own, I felt so bad because I couldn't provide them with loads of presents and I felt so inadequate. It's taken me a long time to get over that, and I have to admit I still feel guilty for not going overboard.

 

[skiwee1]

I don't know how poor people handle the holidays but I do know we can all make it more enjoyable for them. It doesn't take much to buy a new toy and donate it to Toys for Tots. We everyone bought one toy it would make a huge impact. I am a big Toys for Tots fan. We go every year to Toys R Us and buy 5-6 cart loads of toys just for this program. I can't imagine having a child and not being able to give them a gift on Christmas morning. I can't imagine being a child and waking up with nothing under the tree. At leas this way I know there will be some happy kids on Christmas morning that otherwise would have had nothing. I do not think the kids really understand not getting something and it is hurtful to them.

 

[merrily]

I have worked professionally with low income families for many years. In general, the holidays are a very stressful time for them. Some of their kids want the same expensive stuff that many of their peers want. Or they see a really cool toy in a sales flyer or on TV and want it.

What often happens is that the parent tries to fulfill these wished to the detriment of the family budget. Come January there is no $$ for rent, other bills, food.

Many of the families I work with do access community resources for assistance with gifts for their children. Most of these organizations provide 1 or 2 toys per child and I often hear parents complaining that is not enough. They want, as a previous poster mentiones, the Christmas they see on TV and think that everyone else is having.

Sometimes the quality of the toys they get from the programs are lousy. I think it is great that people want to help out and donate, please remember to donate something that you or your children would like to receive. It is the same thing whenever there is a canned food drive. If that cereal in your cupboard expired in December 2004 and you are not going to eat it, why do you think that some "poor" person wants to eat it any more than you do. That can of yams that has been sitting in your cupboard since the early 90's is not going to make a hungry child less hungry.

I want to share a story with you. Many years ago, I connected a family to a company that adopted them for Christmas. They purchased gifts and a food basket for the family. There were 2 children, the oldest was 5 or 6 and the youngest was an infant.

Unfortunately there was no convenient time for me to deliver the gifts when the oldest child was not home so he was there when I arrived. I asked him if he was excited about Christmas. He looked at me sadly and said he wasn't. I was surprised so I asked him why. He told me that last year Santa must have thought he was bad or forgot him because he didn't come to his house. I looked over at the mom and she nodded with tears in her eyes.

My heart was broken.

I told the little boy that I had had a very inportant visitor in my office that day and that he asked me to make sure that I delivered some very important things for him. I then proceeded to drag in several large garbage bags with gifts for the family. The boys eyes were as big as saucers. He whispered "did Santa give those to you?" I told him that he did.

I know that the little boy got the gift he had so coveted that year, a Teddy Ruxpin. I am sure the people in the company that adopted that family never knew how much their generosity touched the life of one little boy.

 

[Marseeya]

This reminds me of my grandfather (he died in the early 80s). He was known as the local "Santa Claus" and my grandmother was "Mrs. Claus." DGF headed a charity program that gave toys to poor children, and they collected for this program all year 'round. They also rounded up food for huge gift baskets at Thanksgiving and Christmas. My dad and I used to go around with him delivering the toys and baskets when I was little.

It's something I'll never forget.

 

[Lisa F]

I think it varies widely, and to a large extent, it probably depends on why the family is poor. Some people are poor because they choose to do something that they love that doesn't earn much money. I would think that those people would be very content because they've chosen to be where they are in life. On the other hand, I know some poor people who don't want to work very hard, and they have a big chip on their shoulders because they think that people with money are just lucky, despite the fact that the people they're referring to made big sacrifices to become educated in something profitable and work really hard. They don't enjoy life much at all, and I'm sure that Christmas would be even harder since they already begrudge the "stuff" that other people have.

I would think that the most variation would happen with the people who weren't always poor but are now because of something like an illness or a job loss. Sometimes those experiences make people stronger and more positive, but sometimes it wipes them out.

I think you're also missing a third option, that someone works very hard in a low paying job in a high cost of living area and still can't really get ahead. Hard work does not always equal financial prosperity, and there are a HUGE number of working poor. I don't think their attitude fits neatly into any one category either. You could be generally OK with life and the frustrated at the holidays because you work so hard but still can't afford to give your kids the things they want. It doesn't make you a petty person with a chip on your shoulder to be a little bitter that you can't give your kids everything you wish you could especially when you ARE working your tail off.

I grew up in a family like that... my dad worked two jobs and my mom worked full time (my grandmother cared for us for free). They pulled themselves up by their bootstraps but it took YEARS to happen. Years of working their way up through crappy jobs into management. I don't recall ever being unhappy as a kid but I know my mother recalls the pain of not being able to make all of my dreams come true.