And I thought keeping it small meant keeping it easy! Help needed re: guests

[geek+nerd]

Ugh. I need some help with polite wording for a newsletter/pre-RSVP. We are doing an Escape wedding with 23 guests at the WP on June 21, 2011, less than a year now. All of the guests on my side are confirmed. DF's side, well, not so much. We still have family/friends of his who are "maybes."

The issue is that there are other people we'd like to invite if those maybes turn into not comings (which I think they will). How do I word it politely on the pre-RSVP that we need to know if people are seriously considering coming or not basically so we can invite other people in their place? I don't want to spring something on people who have expressed interest in coming at the last minute; it is at Disney and people need to plan and save.

Help!

 

[sambycat]

of course you can do what you like, but i thought etiquette said that if you send a STD, no matter what people say or don't say back, you kind of are supposed to send an invite as well? i mean, people can change their minds and a STD isn't a commitment at all. we sent STDs to our core "for sure" list, am holding back a few spots on the invitation list to send out later. we are sending our invites for our january wedding quite early by wedding etiquette terms, meaning end of july. our RSVP date is early november, thus giving a bit more time for people to say no and still get an invite out without it seeming rude?

 

[Chilly]

perhaps you can go for a more subtle idea, rather than asking them straight out, this isn't your RSVP after all, spell out what all the costs will be, flights, hotel, car hire, park tickets, food, spending money, so that they know without them having to look themselves which they may not do straight away what it'll cost them and hopefully that'll give them a better idea if they can go or not, then perhaps you can follow up a week later when they've had chance to read it, with a casual phone call to say just checking you got it and you might be able to tell which way they are swaying.