Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

[MinnieMe87]

I shaved my arms once when I was younger (without permission). I have very hairy arms, and it bothered me. I never did it again, it grew back thicker and darker so I had to keep up with trimming it to keep it shorter. It bothered me for years, and I was very embarrassed about it. I wish I would have listened to my Mom when she said I shouldn't ever try it.

 

[redlight]

It doesn't seem like a battle worth fighting over. It could also be that she's self conscious about her arms.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

13. Is she allowed to shave her legs and underarms? Also, is she self concious about the hair on her arms?
Yes she should have called and asked if she could use the cream, but soon enough you are going to have to pick your battles.
My DD11 started shaving her legs last year, because she was self concious and she keeps up with it.

Yeah..I allowed her to start shaving her legs at 11, because it was dark and she was self consious about it. My mom made me wait til I was 13, and I was so embarrassed I'd never wear shorts in the summer. When it became a big enough deal to her, I let her shave. I guess maybe it's just because I grew up with the belief arm hair was 'normal' and meant to be there, that I didn't want her to do it....
The more I think about it, and read your opinoins (and so far, thank you , no one has been rude about it), I guess it's somethign to not worry about. If she gets to the point where she wishes she never did it, then its her lesson. If she continues doing it and is fine with it...guess thats fine too...

Ok, take out the issue that she may or may not need to shave.

She did something you specifically told her not to do, or sort of. She may have really thought it was the razor you had a problem with. However, she knew not to call and ask because she didn't want you to tell her no.

Self image is important, if she is really concerned and worried about this, I might let it go this time. But you need to talk with her about doing things behind your back. But, be calm and write it down because she will do something similar again. Write down what you expect and what the consequences are if she breaks the rules.

Yes, the not calling because she knew my answer was something I brought up.. she knows how to play the game...

But, I agree...at 13, this may have been important to her... I'm letting go (mostly)... I just joked on her as she came in.. she was talking about a shirt.. I rubbed her arm and smiled... she said "You're just jealous"...
we're already joking about it....lol

 

[tzolkin]

She must be rather self-conscious of the hair on her arms to want to shave. I think that might be rather important when you consider the fact that she went against your wishes. Self image is very, very important for teenagers.

I was putting sunblock on my 10yo a few weeks ago and noticed that she had just shaved her arms. (I allowed her to shave her underarms this spring and we were discussing electric razors for her legs.) I was upset and asking her about it and she was very upset and kept trying to deny it, but it was obvious- she has dark hair and there was no hair on her arms. When she finally admitted it, I asked her why and she said that some boy at school was constantly mentioning it last year.

In some way, I'd been waiting for this time to come but I still wasn't prepared for how I would handle it. I was a beautiful child/teen, but had almost crippling self-esteem issues surrounding body hair. All of that came back when I saw my otherwise confident and happy child crying.

We've discussed not doing things like this in the future and that if something is bothering her she needs to talk to me about it. DH and I have also been discussing ways to boost her self-confidence, which is my main concern with the incident.

 

[phorsenuf]

From the Mayo Clinic website;

Question
Hair removal: Does shaving make it grow back thicker?
Is it true that shaving unwanted body hair makes it grow back thicker and darker?
Answer
from Lawrence E. Gibson, M.D.

No. Shaving hair doesn't change its thickness or color. The color, location, thickness and length of hair on your body mainly depend on genetics and hormones. After you shave body hair, it may feel coarse or "stubbly" for a time as it grows out. During this phase, it may be more noticeable — and may appear darker or thicker. But it's not.

It's also on Snopes.

 

[okeydokey]

I honestly have never heard of anyone (beside competitive swimmers) shaving their arms. Is this common now?

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I'm glad the Mayo Clinic thinks so, but I believe people who have had personal experiences would disagree. Your hair also tends to grow faster in the summer than in the winter.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I was putting sunblock on my 10yo a few weeks ago and noticed that she had just shaved her arms. (I allowed her to shave her underarms this spring and we were discussing electric razors for her legs.) I was upset and asking her about it and she was very upset and kept trying to deny it, but it was obvious- she has dark hair and there was no hair on her arms. When she finally admitted it, I asked her why and she said that some boy at school was constantly mentioning it last year.

In some way, I'd been waiting for this time to come but I still wasn't prepared for how I would handle it. I was a beautiful child/teen, but had almost crippling self-esteem issues surrounding body hair. All of that came back when I saw my otherwise confident and happy child crying.

We've discussed not doing things like this in the future and that if something is bothering her she needs to talk to me about it. DH and I have also been discussing ways to boost her self-confidence, which is my main concern with the incident.

That's what I want to happen....just have her talk to me... I know it's important not only as a teen, but as a girl...

and..as far as the snopes reply, I guess it's just because people dont' want to wait it out past the initial coarse growth that it seems that way....

 

[okeydokey]

I don't think the issue is with the shaving but with doing something you told her not to do while at her Dad's. I think I would be miffed at the disobeying when she knew she was going against what you had said.

 

[HunnyPots]

Yes, you're making a big deal out of nothing.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Yes, you're making a big deal out of nothing.

I think it's a battle not worth fighting or being upset over anymore> but I don't see it as 'nothing'. When your teen daughter comes home with something done she knows you didn't want her to do, tell me it's 'nothing'...


but, yes, I know I asked

 

[minkydog]

Yes, you're over-reacting. This is not the hill you want to die on. You told her not to shave her arms and she didn't; she used chemical hair-remover. I'll bet she thought you just didn't want her to handle a razor. You didn't really make a very good case for NOT removing the hair, btw.

what's the big deal about it anyway? If the hair on her arms bothers her, why not let her go ahead and remove it? She'll have to keep it up? So?? I'm betting that if you just let this go and make nice with your DD that she will probably get over this after after she finds out what the upkeep is. Or maybe not.Lots of men and women shave their arms. If she's willing to do it, why do you care?

 

[Va-bear]

I _would_ be unhappy she went against my wishes and would give her a small punishement for it - she did know what you meant, at 13. BUT, I would assume that even if YOU think the hair is light, she does not. Teen years are very tough..... I'd tell her she can shave from now on and be done with it....she'll appreciate your understanding.

to you.

 

[SDFgirl]

Haven't read all the responses, but my take on it is...

It's her arms, her hair, her consequences for removing it (dark hair, etc). I don't think it would bother me.

I believe this falls under the "pick your battles" category for me!

 

[luvmy3]

I would definitely be upset about her doing something you specifically said she couldn't. At 13 she most likely knew that you saying no to shaving meant you saying no to removing the hair omn her arms (by any means).
However, I would talk to her and find out why she did it. If it is an issue of her being self conscious about it I would let her do it.

 

[BuffettFan]

I'd say your over-reacting as well.
I agree with other posters that you need to pick your battles.

i just wanted to add....
At 13 I shaved my arms. I didn't like the way they looked with hair.
Im now 38, and the hair has never grown back.
Not even light and fine. Occassionally people will notice that my arms are completely hairless, and comment on it.
No bad the same cant be said for my legs....haha!

 

[HunnyPots]

I think it's a battle not worth fighting or being upset over anymore> but I don't see it as 'nothing'. When your teen daughter comes home with something done she knows you didn't want her to do, tell me it's 'nothing'...


but, yes, I know I asked

Yes, you asked. And BTW, my daughter is now 22 and I've seen it all. Sneaking to shave her arms wouldn't even pop up on my radar!

 

[CathrynRose]

From the Mayo Clinic website;

Question
Hair removal: Does shaving make it grow back thicker?
Is it true that shaving unwanted body hair makes it grow back thicker and darker?
Answer
from Lawrence E. Gibson, M.D.

No. Shaving hair doesn't change its thickness or color. The color, location, thickness and length of hair on your body mainly depend on genetics and hormones. After you shave body hair, it may feel coarse or "stubbly" for a time as it grows out. During this phase, it may be more noticeable — and may appear darker or thicker. But it's not.

It's also on Snopes.

I'm with Dr Gibson. I've never had this happen.

I honestly have never heard of anyone (beside competitive swimmers) shaving their arms. Is this common now?

I shave my arms. I'm not even hairy - I just like how smooth they feel when I do it. I don't get 'stubble' when it grows back, because like I said - I'm not hairy. I do it when I remember, and when I remember my arms are super silky smooth, then.

 

[NMAmy]

Okay, in my opinion, the shaving is not the issue. However, your dd (and her dad) are plenty old enough to know they were going against your wishes. And that IS a battle I would have fought. Instead of talking to you about it, she is deliberately pretending to misunderstand your original instructions.

I really do agree with everyone else that shaving issues are not even on my radar. It's the going behind your back that would really tick me off.

My ex had no problem letting me the bad guy--as in, "Well, if it were up to ME, I'd let you do that but you know your mom would have a fit." It used to annoy me but in hindsight, at least he was following through on my wishes.

 

[disneymarie]

Preface - A few months back, my daughter asked if she could shave her arms. Um, no. I know some people do, but in generalities, I just don't think it's a good idea. Anyways, my answer was no. You'll just have to keep up with it (like legs) and it'll look funny, grow back thicker and/or darker... (and, she was quick to point out to me this was a wives tale thanks to her dads infinite knowledge of all).

Anyways....I feel better after venting, but, really... am I 'that' wrong for being upset about it? She's 13!

And..yes, I know it's the DIS I'm asking about 'venting' and 'parenting'...I"m in for it...

I am with you on this I would be royally PO'd at Dad and ask him when did he start to like his women with scratchy arms and 5 o'clock shadow because that is what she is going to face her life, starting at a young age of 13. I assume she has not started shaving her legs yet. Anyone trying to keep up with that would have second thoughts about the arms too!!!!

Gee I guess Dad has no problem coughing up the cash for electrolosis so dd is not going to have scratchy arms to deal with!
What a jerk. Once virginal hair has been removed the hair papillary is altered and that is why when it starts to grow back, if not the first time, it is thicker, darker and picky. The shaft turns, it distorts,,,,

Like tweezed eyebrows when you pull the hair you can see the dark and it is stiffer, then one never plucked before....

If anything like that is asked at Dad's again, he has to understand he calls and you both are on the same page or else it will be done through court. Other wise it could be eyebrow piercings, nose,lips etc. Blue hair. gosh knows how far he would allow to cause problems..
DAD NEEDS TO GROW UP![/COLOR]