Am I Being Selfish?

[Sparkle_Cherry]

I'm facing a dilemma here, and I could use a little bit of friendly DIS advice. I know what I want to choose, but my parents seem to think that it's not an option. Here's the deal:

From May 23rd to May 26th I have Rugby AA Provincials, but on May 26th I also have my year-end choir concert. I can't do both because the Rugby Provincials are on Vancouver Island and we get back at 6:00 pm on the 26th, with the curtain at the choir concert going up at 7:00 pm. It would take me 40 minutes to get from the ferry terminal to the place that we're preforming, and I would have to shower and change too. Plus, I would be missing a crucial dress rehearsal on Wednesday night.

The choice seems obvious to me. I want to do Rugby. Don't get me wrong, I love choir, but I have a really good argument to go to Rugby instead. Hear me out.

- My school's girls' rugby team hasn't made it to Provincials in 8 years, and I don't want to miss this opportunity.
- Four days of Rugby vs. one night of choir. Obviously I would go for Rugby.
- I'm paying the $200 all myself to go on the Rugby trip, with money that I earned working.
- There aren't any solos at the concert this year, so nobody would miss me much at choir. I'm sure he can find someone else to do the G in that one piece of music. Besides they need me at Rugby, I'm the best winger they have.
- I asked a bunch of girls in choir, and they all said go to Rugby, because there are a ton of choir functions and Provincials only come along every once in a while.
- My Rugby team is undefeated so far this season, and I want to be able to say that I participated in Finals.
- The repertoire for this year's concert stinks, and I really think that my parents would be bored.

My parents are arguing that my grandmother paid $1200 for me to be in choir, I get my five-year pin this year, and they want to see the final result after driving me to practices and different functions. I told them that I would personally pay my grandmother $1200, my five-year pin gets mailed to our house if I'm not at the concert, and even though they won't get to see the boring concert, I still got vocal training for a full ten months and got to participate in the Christmas Concert and Kiwanis Festivals.

My mom and dad are now telling me that if I don't go to the year-end concert, they will tell my grandmother that I don't want to do choir next year so she doesn't pay for it, and they won't drive me to practices. I don't want to quit choir, so I would have to pay for my own choir next year, and make arrangements to get driven to practices.

If I don't go to the concert, they'll screw me over and I'll have to spend all of my hard-earned money on choir fees and I'll have to arrange a carpool. But if I do go, then I miss Rugby Provincials. I'm only 15, and I'll have to spend all of the money from my part-time job, that I was saving for university, on choir and Rugby, just because my parents are trying to get me to do what they want.

I'm sorry that this is such a long, disorganized rant, I know that it's not one of my most intelligent threads. I'm just confused as to what I should do here. It only seems logical to go to Rugby. I really want to go, this is something that I love doing. But my parents are telling me that the decision isn't up to me, it's up to them. But isn't that controlling my life? Should I let them do that, or do I owe it to them?

If I wrote my parents an organized essay arguing why I should go on the Rugby trip instead of doing choir, do you think that they would begin to see my point? Yelling and screaming is childish, it obviously won't get me anywhere. It will just fuel their fire for not wanting me to decide for myself. If I screamed at them, they would say that I act too immature and I am incapable of making mature decisions on my own.

My main questions are: Am I in my rights to want to do something that I love, or am I being selfish? Should I just quit doing what I love because my parents want me to do something else? Are my parents being mean, or am I deluded?

Any input will be greatly appreciated. I need all the help I can get!

~Caitlin

 

[Gone Disney]

You should do the RUGBY









____________________________________

I am always in my happy place!

 

[HSMndLKfan92]

It's your life. You have a right to choose what you want. If anything, I think it's your parents that are being a tad selfish in this situation. I say go for Rugby, because that's what you want to do.

Best of luck deciding on what to do

 

[DisGirlAllie]

It's your life. You should be able to choose.

 

[BabyPiglet]

Yeah, I think your parents are being a bit selfish.

It's your life, do what you want with it.

 

[DisGirlAllie]

What do you want to do. Do you want to do the thing you love to do, or let your parents run your life.

 

[pride4pride]

yeah you should decide yourself. i have a soccer game on a graduation night and i am in band. and it is required that you go to the graduation to play for the seniors but it's my last soccer game and i don't really want to dissapoint my teammates, and second it's not my graduation so it really shouldn't matter that we should go.

 

[robinb]

I will reply as a parent. I very rarely post to the Teen Board as I usually leave it as a place for Teens to talk amongst themselves.

You're in quite a pickle. Unfortunately, you have obligations to two groups at the same time. Your Rugby team and your Choir. Both rely on you to do your part. In addition, your parents have been driving you to practices and your grandmother has shelled out serious money for lessons. I don't think you are selfish, but while your teen friends may say "It's your life" in reality you are only 15 and your parents will have the final say in what you can and cannot do.

I think writing a letter to your parents outlining why you should be allowed to go to Rugby over Choir is a good idea. I would leave the part of paying back grandma since that's just talk. I would stress how much you enjoy choir and how grateful you are to have the opportunity and how proud you will to earn that 5-year pin. I would also stress that it is important to you and that you are looking forward to doing it next year. I think your parents are feeling that you are throwing aside something that is very expensive in both time and money for ... well ... fun.

Have you talked to your coach and teacher? Is it possible that you could catch an earlier ferry back? How long is the concert? Could you shower and change at the stadium before coming back? Could you arrange to join in on the concert part-way through? Is there any way you can make both work?

Good luck!

 

[Sparkle_Cherry]

I will reply as a parent. I very rarely post to the Teen Board as I usually leave it as a place for Teens to talk amongst themselves.

You're in quite a pickle. Unfortunately, you have obligations to two groups at the same time. Your Rugby team and your Choir. Both rely on you to do your part. In addition, your parents have been driving you to practices and your grandmother has shelled out serious money for lessons. I don't think you are selfish, but while your teen friends may say "It's your life" in reality you are only 15 and your parents will have the final say in what you can and cannot do.

I think writing a letter to your parents outlining why you should be allowed to go to Rugby over Choir is a good idea. I would leave the part of paying back grandma since that's just talk. I would stress how much you enjoy choir and how grateful you are to have the opportunity and how proud you will to earn that 5-year pin. I would also stress that it is important to you and that you are looking forward to doing it next year. I think your parents are feeling that you are throwing aside something that is very expensive in both time and money for ... well ... fun.

Have you talked to your coach and teacher? Is it possible that you could catch an earlier ferry back? How long is the concert? Could you shower and change at the stadium before coming back? Could you arrange to join in on the concert part-way through? Is there any way you can make both work?

Good luck!

Thank you. It's good hearing from an adult, as you probably know what would be most effective in getting my point across to my parents. I believe that you're right in many aspects. I can definitely see where you're coming from, and now I understand a little better why they thought I was neglecting choir.

However, I find myself wondering if they really have the final word on what I do. I sort of agree with the other teens. I mean, can my parents honestly stop me from handing in a cheque for $200 and boarding a ferry? I am fifteen years old, not four. Besides, they can't physically drag me to the concert and make me sing. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

I am glad that you like my idea of writing an essay, I will start writing one tomorrow. I will take your word for it and omit the part about paying my grandmother back, but it wasn't necessarily all talk. I had counted out $1200 from the money I earned at my part time job, and was prepared to back up my promise if the need arose. I think you're right though, and it would be better if I let them bring up the subject. After all, I really wouldn't be pleased to deplete my university savings.

Tomorrow I will discuss times with my coaches, and email my choir instructor. I hope I can get this sorted out, because I would rather not miss either of the functions to be honest.

Thanks again for your responses guys.

~Caitlin

 

[BabyPiglet]

I had counted out $1200 from the money I earned at my part time job,

Dang. Can I borrow some cash?

Just kidding.

 

[Mur13]

Don't rationalize. Just do it.

Talk to your grandma before you talk to your parents. If you get her support you can probably swing em.

 

[Sparkle_Cherry]

Dang. Can I borrow some cash?

Just kidding.

Sure Jenny, but I'll have to pay you in Disney Dollars

Don't rationalize. Just do it.

Talk to your grandma before you talk to your parents. If you get her support you can probably swing em.

I am most definitely going to talk to my grandmother, don't you worry about that. But I'm still going to talk to my parents. If they can't trust me to discuss this with them, then how can I trust them to understand?

~Caitlin

 

[Axel]

Go with Rugby. I will state right now, that in two years, I'll probably be giving up Prom to go to a track meet. My parents were angry when I told them that I planned to skip prom, but they got over it once they realized how much I love Track. So hopefully your parents will realize that Rugby is a big part of your life and that you really enjoy it.

But congrats on getting you five year pin!

 

[VolleyballQt07]

My main questions are: Am I in my rights to want to do something that I love, or am I being selfish? Should I just quit doing what I love because my parents want me to do something else? Are my parents being mean, or am I deluded?

You are not being selfish. I think you should definately do rugby! I think your parents are mad because you aren't doing what they want you to but its your choice.

 

[CheezDoodle]

I say do what you really want. And if that's rugby then do it. I can't really relate to this though because I've never had to choose between two activities like this, unless you count having to choose between Whispering Canyon with my parents or 1900 Park Fair with my cousin

 

[Babyjustrun]

You should do what you want; which is rugby.
To me, it would be more fun to go to a four day event (that your team could win) than a concert that only last for a few hours.
I think your parents may have not been comfortable with you grandmother paying for the choir in the first place, so now they feel that if you back out, you're being selfish.
Maybe you could talk to your grandmother about it?

 

[eeyore.luver<3]

def. do the rugby, if u can find all those reasons to do it...u obviously r leaning towards it...and i say:

*if u dont do what ur leaning towards, u wont b happy...my philosophy is to always do wht u feel is best (in situations like this) and not wht ur parents say*

 

[Blonde Pixie]

You should go for the Rugby. It is really what you want to do. And if you let they go by you will be kicking yourself forever because of your decision.

 

[Eeyore's Tailfinder]

Can you explain the problem to the choir leader, and they might let you join after the first few songs/half hour/first half whatever easiest?

That way you could have time to shower and still make it to the concert - who knows, you might even make the first song?!

Good luck on the rugby BTW, I used to play - I played against a team from Alberta once and boy you Canadians are tough

 

[rwrocksme]

Go to rugby. If you do choir, you will be miserable, and the fact that your parents are trying to guilt you into doing choir is very, very childish. You are NOT selfish...following your passion never is.

"Julia was right. It wasn't fair. Still, it wasn't fair, not to her, but to KD. Wasn't it? Wasn't it wrong that KD lost her own dream to help someone else, and that Julia was being selfish by not giving KD her wish? Or was Julia right? After all, KD had given up her wish of her own free will. Then again, why hadn't the other girls jumped in to help as well? Were ALL of them being selfish? This was all very confusing to Julia. The only thing she knew was that she thought too much."
--From the book Five Stars by Eliza Huff