Allowing your underaged teen to drink, your thoughts?

[snarlingcoyote]

Is it true that if you're married under the age of 21, you can legally drink? I thought I heard that somewhere.

That would be depend upon the state. In some places the answer would be yes and in other places the answer would be no.

 

[Planogirl]

Underage drinking IS illegal. That's why it's called UNDERAGE.

It is not illegal in Texas when parents are present. Sorry but that's just the way it is here and in many other states.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

That would be depend upon the state. In some places the answer would be yes and in other places the answer would be no.

Yeah, I read the information in the link provided earlier (thanks to the poster who linked it ). NJ allows it, but PA does not. We socialize a lot in PA with friends and family. It is good to know that no one under 21 is allowed to consume alcohol under any circumstance. So, I might let my boys try it at home in NJ, but wouldn't even consider it in PA, where it would be illegal.

 

[allison443]

Here in NJ, it's perfectly legal to have your minor drink in private facilites that don't sell alcohol, even if the parent isn't present, such as at someone's home, or banquet facilities that you bring alcohol into. Now, you can still chose not to let your child drink, but it's legal to serve them alcohol.

Actually in NJ this can vary among different municipalities. There may be no state law against it, however, a municipality may enact an ordinance making it unlawful for anyone under the legal age to possess or consume alcoholic beverages on PRIVATE property. Not all municipalities have implemented laws of this nature, however.

If the municipality enacts an ordinance of this type, there are minimum penalties that must be imposed, including a fine of $250 for the first offense and $350 for each subsequent offense. In addition, the ordinance may provide for the suspension or postponement of the offender’s driver’s license for 6 months.

I believe a number of municipalities at the shore have these kind of ordinanaces. Point Pleasant definitely does. So do some other towns such as Woodcliff Lake, for example.
So people under 21 cannot possess/consume alcohol in those municipalities, even on private property, despite what the state law may say.

 

[mitchfishguard]

the more that people moralise against "permissive parents" the more likely that junior members of their family are to make them look a complete ****. how many straight-laced anti-everything pc spokespeople get called to police stations or hospitals because their "non-drinking angels" need taking home because theyre leathered? dont you realise that teenagers WANT you to say no to drinking. its far better when youre banned from something. i dont like the thought of the behind your back culture thats alive. teens hate permissiveness. dont you get it? you really dont believe that if youre against under-age drinking that teenagers will agree with you? behave yourself

 

[shortbun]

Where an alcoholic gets his first drink has no bearing on his becoming an alcoholic. That's a disease.

That would be like saying, if you teach your child to drive responsibly and years later he caused an accident, how would you feel that you taught him to drive? After all if you had never taught him to drive, he never would have caused the accident.

Not at all the same as being the one who authorized a child's underaged drinking. Yes alcoholism is a disease, at least we're getting somewhere with that admission. So-why, when we know there is serious disease attached to drinking(and not driving) would we take a chance with our very young children? Since my child was old enough to understand what I was saying, I've encouraged him to wait to drink until he was of legal age. I've encouraged him to wait for sex until he finds love rather than passion AND I've given him all he other information he needs about protection, disease, pregnancy and parenthood. I've cautioned him NOT to smoke. I've cautioned about all illegal substances. I've explained the damage he could do to himself and others being rash about all these things. My parents allowed me to drink in their home. I learned to mix drinks under their tutelage. I was not responsible about drinking because of that. I learned the hard way-not a thought went toward their 'training' of me. Comfort yourselves with your thoughts. Your children will do what they want based on their value systems and level of risk taking.

 

[Green Tea]

Those of you who say not until 21, would you decision change if you lived in a location where the legal drinking age was 19?

Yes. Then they would be permitted to have a beer with their dad at 19, if they chose to.

 

[cheermom1]

I have not read all the replies but I have a 17 yr old. and remember what it was like at her age and what I did. I also remember how my parents were and what I did as a result. I handle things with her so much differently, I do allow her to have a drink or 2 every once in a while. However I make sure we are in our own home with NONE of her friends are here. I want her to be able to experience that stuff and know what it is like and how it is going to effect her before she gets out and gets smashed and something happens.

I am very lucky as she talks to me about everything. And we have a very close relationship. But to answer the question yes I will but only 2 is the max and at home with no one else but the family here.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

My own kids will be allowed to drink with dinner, but it's not something I would have them do at other people's houses. Nor would I let their friends do something like that at my house (for the liability reasons discussed). Personally, I consider it part of their social education to learn about food and drink. I grew up knowing the difference between a bordeaux and a beaujolais and what they paired better with. Similarly, I knew the social rules applicable to a sommelier (and had to quickly educate DH on them during our dating years), how to correctly pour without dripping, and how to make an attractive centerpiece using only a bottle and variously colored candles. It was kind of a shocker for me to find out in college that most of my friends had never had wine. I was the only person showing up to college drinking parties with a bottle of wine as a hostess gift. I'm still working on my DH to get him the appreciation for the grape that was instilled in me at an early age.

 

[RitaE]

So-why, when we know there is serious disease attached to drinking(and not driving) would we take a chance with our very young children?

I don't know about "our" children but with my children I don't agree that allowing a 17yo to have a glass of wine at a family dinner increases the risk of alcoholism one iota. In fact, I don't even agree that a teenager is a very young child and so, I don't treat them as such.

 

[Acklander]

Not at all the same as being the one who authorized a child's underaged drinking. Yes alcoholism is a disease, at least we're getting somewhere with that admission. So-why, when we know there is serious disease attached to drinking(and not driving) would we take a chance with our very young children?

Because I don't believe that having an occasional glass of wine at dinner will make one bit of difference on if someone becomes and alcoholic or not. Drinking doesn't cause the disease, genetics do. I truly believe it's one of those things either you're born with or not. IF my child was born with it (and highly unlikely since alcoholism doesn't run in my or my dh's family) it wouldn't make a difference if he had his first glass of wine at 16 or 21. His genetic make-up is the same either way.

 

[Nancyg56]

Since you have 'several family members' who are raging alcoholics, then you should also know that alcoholism is a disease that you are genetically predestined for. Having parents who do not drink has nothing to do with it.
I can not believe anyone would actually suggest this. How about doing a little research on alcoholism since your family is so ravaged by it? It might help you to understand what's going on.

I normally do not get all peevish by people who disagree with me but I am a bit offended by your response. Pretty nasty without knowing anything about me, my background o my life experiences.

First....................my family is not "ravished" by alcoholim. I have family members who are alcoholics. My first husband died at 25 because he was an alcoholic. He was raised in a home where alcohol was not served. At all. His mother was raised in a home where there was no alcohol served. His father was raised in a home where there was no alcohol. He never saw anyone in his family drink until he was in his teens and by then he was drinking. Unfortunaately, I have had more education in alcoholism, alcohol treatment and death due to complications of alcoholism than I would have ever wanted and while I am not willing to get into a discussion with you on it I feel that I am well versed in this area. You may want to do a little research of your own, there are many theories and many suggest that people are predisposed to the disease. Several also indicate that environment may also play a role. I believe that there are many factors that will lead to a person becoming an alcoholic, genetics only playing a partial role. And the last I heard, genetices come from your parents and their parents.

I chose a different approach with my own children. I am a casual drinker. I very seldom drank in front of the kids as they were growing up. I never served alcohol to them, not ever. I educated them early on to the dangers of them consuming alcohol and gave them information regarding their Dad as they needed it and could understand it. At that time kids in middle school were drinking and they needed to know. I really cannot tell you what the boys did in school but suffice it to say that somewhere along the line I have adult drinkers who either do not drink or who drink only occasionally and spargingly at that.


Now. What I said and what I stand by is that parents are entitled to serve their teens a drink in their own home if they feel it is appropriate for them. They are not breaking the law, and this was the quote I had been responding to. It is unfair to judge their decision by insisting that folks who do this are breaking the law. I have never done this, it was not appropriate for my family because I have never tempted fate and serving them alcohol would be doin that considering their Father's history and their genetic makeup.

 

[LuvOrlando]

The more I read this thread the more I am completely stunned at what a central role alcohol has in some people's lives, and homes. I mean, in my world it's enjoyable every so often to hang out with friends and get a bit of a buzz that makes bad jokes funnier, and gets me to dance even when I know I probably look a bit goofy. But some people elevate it to almost a reverential status... something entire families seem to participate in as a coming of age rite of passage.

To me the weird part is it's a drug, it' a mind altering mood altering drug and simply because of that I am completely taken aback. Now I get it's not illegal in some instances which, frankly I didn't even know existed before here but WOW, I still am utterly bewildered over "WHY". I just don't get why, and i'm not being sarcastic or defiant... I just flat out do not 'get it'. It's like some of you are speaking a foreign language to me and I have no translator. And again, I'm not anti drinking. I like it here and there now and back when I was 17 -21 my BFF girlfriend's and I were a pack of club kids tearing through NYC like there was no tomorrow. In fact, when I was in college I never took a class before 12pm because I didn't want school to interfere with clubbing. Still ewwww to drinking with parents... just ewwww anyone over 22 or so was just gross to us back then. Why on earth would a kid WANT to drink with grown ups and why on earth would a grown up WANT to drink with kids? Color me seriously confused, but I'll still read just in case something someone says makes sense to me because so far I've got nothin'

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Why on earth would a kid WANT to drink with grown ups and why on earth would a grown up WANT to drink with kids? Color me seriously confused, but I'll still read just in case something someone says makes sense to me because so far I've got nothin'

For the same reason they drink pop. It tastes better than water.

I think the point many are making here is that not everyone drink for the mind-altering properties. Caffeine is also a "drug". Some people drink cup after cup to help them stay awake at boring jobs. But then some people hang out at "shops" and drink coffee as a social thing. It's an enjoyable (although acquired) taste. It goes well with certain foods, like biscotti. Sometimes parents want to encourage their children to drink it (especially because, as mentioned, it takes a while to acquire the taste) to promote the social aspects of it. It's the same thing with alcohol.

 

[cheermom1]

In the words of my dd "I would rather be here and learn how to deal with it while I can ask my mom questions and I know she will take care of me, so that when I get in college I'll know what to expect." My dd just told me this last night, about this and sex. My dd tells me everything. Sometime I wish she'd keep a few things to herself but I'm glad she is comfortable enough to talk to me and ask questions. No I do NOT give my permission for he to have sex and she knows that. However I'm very glad she came to me first. sorry to get off subject I just found out last night a few things and I'm trying to deal.

 

[RitaE]

The more I read this thread the more I am completely stunned at what a central role alcohol has in some people's lives, and homes. I mean, in my world it's enjoyable every so often to hang out with friends and get a bit of a buzz that makes bad jokes funnier, and gets me to dance even when I know I probably look a bit goofy. But some people elevate it to almost a reverential status... something entire families seem to participate in as a coming of age rite of passage.

And see to me it is interesting to see you say that the only motivation for drinking you can imagine is "to get a buzz" even if it is only on an every so often or even rare occasion. A reverential status? huh? I'm not even sure where that's coming from. Is there any food or drink that you enjoy? Does your enjoyment transfer into worship?

Our custom is - we have a glass of wine with our dinner. There's no buzz. No bad jokes getting funnier, not even goofy dancing. Thank God.

 

[NHdisneylover]

The more I read this thread the more I am completely stunned at what a central role alcohol has in some people's lives, and homes. I mean, in my world it's enjoyable every so often to hang out with friends and get a bit of a buzz that makes bad jokes funnier, and gets me to dance even when I know I probably look a bit goofy. But some people elevate it to almost a reverential status... something entire families seem to participate in as a coming of age rite of passage.

To me the weird part is it's a drug, it' a mind altering mood altering drug and simply because of that I am completely taken aback. Now I get it's not illegal in some instances which, frankly I didn't even know existed before here but WOW, I still am utterly bewildered over "WHY". I just don't get why, and i'm not being sarcastic or defiant... I just flat out do not 'get it'. It's like some of you are speaking a foreign language to me and I have no translator. And again, I'm not anti drinking. I like it here and there now and back when I was 17 -21 my BFF girlfriend's and I were a pack of club kids tearing through NYC like there was no tomorrow. In fact, when I was in college I never took a class before 12pm because I didn't want school to interfere with clubbing. Still ewwww to drinking with parents... just ewwww anyone over 22 or so was just gross to us back then. Why on earth would a kid WANT to drink with grown ups and why on earth would a grown up WANT to drink with kids? Color me seriously confused, but I'll still read just in case something someone says makes sense to me because so far I've got nothin'

Likewise, I just plain do not "get" thinking about drinking only in terms of getting a buzz or going out clubbing. I have never enjoyed "clubbing," was drunk only once becuase it was the first time I had anything to drink and I did not have someone responsible there to stop me between the time I drank that gin and lemonade and when it hit me to realize two glasses was waaay to much for me (plus I had no way of knowing how little I can handle on my first try being), never had a hangover and perhaps get "buzzed" once every couple of years. I enjoy ONE glass of wine (and DH 2 or 3, which has basically no effect on him, though he would never drive after them anyway just in case) with dinner, or sitting out and people watching on a Saturday afternoon though. Thus, I have no issue with giving DD a small glass if she would like to have some with dinner as well (DS has had sips when he wanted them and hates it all so he sticks to water or OJ or nicer grape juice from the vineyard). I think the very different ways many of us see and use alcohol in our own lives is coloring many of the responses here and is what has the biggest effect on how we all feel about allowing our kids to drink.

Back to the OP--I would never serve somebody else's underage child alcohol, nor would I encourage abusing alcohol (by drinking too much, meaning the hope is one stops BEFORE one feels a buzz but perhaps while learning when to stop that might not be the case a few times--though DD has never had that much yet, hard to get a buzz off of 4 or 5 sips in a glass) but I have no issue with serving my child small glasses of adult beverages at home (where, it is legal for us BTW).

 

[mjkacmom]

In fact, when I was in college I never took a class before 12pm because I didn't want school to interfere with clubbing. Still ewwww to drinking with parents... just ewwww anyone over 22 or so was just gross to us back then. Why on earth would a kid WANT to drink with grown ups and why on earth would a grown up WANT to drink with kids? Color me seriously confused, but I'll still read just in case something someone says makes sense to me because so far I've got nothin'

I never considered having a glass of wine at dinner with my parents at 17 "drinking" with my parents! Actually, I have yet to see anyone in my family "drinking!" If someone wants a glass of wine or beer, fine. It's not like anyone is getting drunk. I mean, do soda drinkers down 6 packs in a single sitting? Yes, some teens do go out "drinking" with their peers, and the point is to get drunk and silly and stupid. This is not what we're talking about here at all.

 

[Art 1]

I see no reason to let my teen drink. It's illegal, unhealthy and I lover her too much. Nothing good could come from it.

 

[krcit]

This is one of those things where I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, which won't be too long b/c my oldest is 15. I did let her taste champagne on New Years Eve. She hated it just like me, lol. I really can't see myself having a problem letting her have a daquiri in the backyard when she is home from college but I guess time will tell.