After a breakup: Pics on social media of you together...keep them there or remove?

[ChrisFL]

As the title says, if you were with someone for a while and have pics together on facebook, instagram, etc. and if you had a breakup (and let's say not trying to reconcile)....do you remove old pics of yourself with them or leave them up?

 

[bjscheel]

I've not had this situation, but my kids have. Looks like one DD left them up.

The other removed posts in which the SO was the focus, so like there are no posts for birthday or Happy Anniversary to us, or "this guy is the best" but there are pictures remaining for example, of a spring break trip in which the SO was in some pics but not all.

Up to you, they were a part of your life and don't necessarily need erased, unless it makes you feel better to do so. Or if you want visitors to your page to get the idea you're single!

 

[_19disnA]

I would remove them, but I don't think posting pictures on any public site is a good idea for a lot of reasons. Do you really want friends of your ex to be able to continue to view all of your information? I assume you would remove that person as a FB 'friend'?

FB made a change a few years ago where friends of friends can view your entire profile/postings/etc. even if you have NO idea who that person is. (Previously, you could only see postings of those you were 'friends' with.) Never found they made much effort to let people know of that change. I happened to figure it out when I saw I could now view postings of people I didn't even know (there were friends of someone I do know) which I think is a bad idea.

I don't use other social media so can't comment on how those work and who else is able to see what you are posting.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I’m mature enough to leave them but immature enough to deface them with photoshop first.

 

[fla4fun]

I think it depends on how the breakup went. Just because a couple does not want to reconcile doesn’t mean that they hate each other. They could have simply grown apart or something similar, and they aren’t carrying a lot of negative baggage. If the photos don’t cause you to feel bad, I don’t see why they have to come down. If they do nothing but make you feel bad, then remove them and let it go. It’s kind of the modern equivalent of when people would box up certain mementos and keep them after a breakup, or just threw everything in the trash (or a fire). There’s no one way you have to do it.

 

[mikehn]

Thankfully I dont facebook. But all my ex's do. And yes it is a problem for me when I have to explain why my pics are all over the internet.

 

[disneychrista]

I think it would depend. Are they photo's of you as a "couple" or are they photos of you and the other person just happens to be there (ie a birthday party, graduation, etc). Photo's of you as a couple - delete. Photos that the other person just happens to be in them - keep, if you want.

The last photos of me with a boyfriend (my daughters father) was well before facebook, myspace or the internet in general.

 

[Imzadi]

I think it would also depend on if you have children together and the ages of the children. IF they are of the ages that they have and will see the social media photos and you've scrubbed the accounts of all images of their other parent, well what kind of message does that send to them? It would be like you are erasing evidence of their parent from your public life as though s/he didn't exist or you regretted your time together.

As others have said, get rid of the photos where you appear to be a really lovey-dovey as a couple. As you and the ex get into new relationships, you know the new partners will try to look you up. Do you want either new partner to see them? Just leave some of the ones where the ex happens to be in the photos with other people, especially if they are good, happy pics. You want to show that at one time you both did have a good, loving time together no matter how it dissolved. Your past is nothing to be ashamed of. But not ones that the new partners will fixate on or bring up to either of you. As you post new photos, they will obviously show you've moved on in life.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

If it was a bad break up then I would remove them.

 

[tvguy]

Whatever you think is right for you the the right answer.
A long time friend was married for 20 years, had three kids, went through a bitter divorce, took every picture of her ex-husband off Facebook. 10 years after their divorce, he died after a lengthy illness. All the pictures reappeared. Another friend did ask about it on FB and her reply was "Well, we did share a life together for 20 years"

However I would have to say among my FB friends that isn't an issue. But I discover a lot of relationships broken up when someone posts photos with their new boyfriend/girlfriend when I sure didn't know their old relationship was in jeopardy. The odd ones are the happy spouse photos posted a month before the happy new boyfriend/girlfriend pictures!

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

After I got divorced I deleted all of them I could find on Facebook (that has been several years ago). That is like the only social media I used... and I cannot even remember the last time I logged into it.

 

[DisneyLover1217]

I'm recently divorced , we grew apart and still get along, but I removed all pictures of us together.

 

[Mysterian]

I suppose there are some exceptions, but generally I side with "Get rid of them" to any photos focused on you and the ex as a couple.

If you were looking to date again, and you kept those photos up.....and some prospective new person sees your social media account, they could be thinking:
"Are they actually single or still with that person?"
"Are they still not over their ex?"
"Are those two related? If that's their ex, why do they look like they could be twins??"
"Wow, I look exactly like all their exes. Could there be a pattern?!"
Or it gets worse: "I look just like their Mom/Dad!"

Take the photos down, it's the easiest option.

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

I would remove them, but I don't think posting pictures on any public site is a good idea for a lot of reasons. Do you really want friends of your ex to be able to continue to view all of your information? I assume you would remove that person as a FB 'friend'?

FB made a change a few years ago where friends of friends can view your entire profile/postings/etc. even if you have NO idea who that person is. (Previously, you could only see postings of those you were 'friends' with.) Never found they made much effort to let people know of that change. I happened to figure it out when I saw I could now view postings of people I didn't even know (there were friends of someone I do know) which I think is a bad idea.

I don't use other social media so can't comment on how those work and who else is able to see what you are posting.

All you have to do is go change your settings. Mine is still set to friends only.

———————

To answer the OP, depends on how the breakup went. I’d provably remove things that were they/ the relationship was the focus, but not take down everything that included them. It would also depend if I had children with the person and if they were old enough to be on social media. If I started a new relationship at some point, I’d definitely take down significant pictures of the ex.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Kids then yes, to show co-parenting to other nosy parents. If no kids then pffft, drunken photo burnings of exes was a thing when I was in HS.
Now truth is I can see one exception, if, lets say the ex or the exes new squeeze got really really mad about the photos and there was a desire to poke the bear maybe for cheating or some such thing that inspires savage vitriol, well then, for petty person, it's very possible there could be a glow-up shrine involved of things like wedding photos, vacation photos and canoodling.

 

[Coonhound]

I don’t think it matters if you leave them up. It upon dating again i would remove them.

 

[SC Minnie]

For me (not that I've had experience) but for profile pictures I would delete ones that had the other person. If there were albums of pictures from trips and such I would probably keep them.

 

[BorderTenny]

Lack of pictures of the ex would be a huge red flag to me as a potential new suitor. I see it as a sign of a lack of maturity and emotional stability.

 

[Neapolitan Ice Cream]

I'd probably take them down

 

[JLTraveling]

I tend to leave them up but let them age gracefully as I post newer photos. It's a part of my life, and I tend to have happy memories even if the breakup was bad. And I'm friends with at least 90% of my exes, that tends to happen after a couple of months of cooling off...so why not? I'd think it was weird if I started dating someone new and they had zero pics of their exes. What are they hiding?