Advice pls - Blowout w/Brother and SIL

[Hillbeans]

This past weekend my DH and I had a huge fight with my Brother and SIL. It was long overdue.

My Brother and SIL needs us to babysit on occasion (this past weekend was an all day wedding in NYC) yet she doesn't like us taking the kids out anywhere and calls every few hours to check up on us. We have a 3 YO and we definitely know what's safe and not safe with kids. My DH had it and went off on them Sun. morning. It was a series of events leading up to this weekend babysitting issue and it needed to be done. My SIL is very overbearing and can make you feel like a speck of dirt.

I think that we're going to be alright going forward, but i'm just curious if anyone else has had a fight with your siblings and spouses and if your relationship is alright. We have a week's vacation planned at the end of august, our annual trip to the beach, and i'm just hoping things calm down by then.

 

[jrydberg]

Better to have it out now than at the beach

 

[jkovick]

Unless really really hurtful "stuff" was said, I am sure it will all have blown over by vacation time. We have these incedents in my family from time to time- since we are all close it seems really horrible at the time but it does blow over. You all care about each other--- this too will pass.

 

[Hillbeans]

Unfortunately part of the initial problem is that i'm a "do'er" and my SIL is a "taker". I'm endlessly offering to help out with things because I truly want to help - however then I get to a point where I feel taken advantage of.

Case in point, I got her and my Brother passes to my gym to change/shower while in NYC for this event. In addition, we babysat for them 3 times in the past 2 weeks.

Last weekend we were all going to the beach for the day. They were 40 minutes late to our house - no biggie, we waited and left when they got there. I was 2 minutes late (yes, 2 minutes) late to something near their house a few weeks ago and she left without me and left a note with directions where to go. I should have confronted her at that point, but didn't. I let it build up and then we blew up over not being allowed to take their kids to the park. I definitely wish it was handled better on our end and their end, and i'm hopefuly this will blow over soon (it's already a little better).

 

[Cruise04]

It sounds like the 4 of you need to sit down and talk things out. Tell them how you and your dh have been feeling and then give them the examples of things that have been going on. You need to let them know or this will not just "blow over". Comments will be made when you don't expect them, they will take advantage at various times, etc.

It's best to sit down, talk about it and get it over with.

 

[ValerieK]

I'm so sorry! I can totaly sympathize with you. My mother is very much like your sister. Of course, I don't have to baby sit for her. She is very self centered and only sees how things effect her and her life. I hate to say this, but they will probably never change. I hope things turn out well.

 

[C.Ann]

Unless it's a situation where someone is physically injured, these things usually blow over.. I've had my share with my siblings.. Gosh - just last year my older sister and I were TOTALLY on unspeaking terms and now we are closer than we have EVER been..

However, that does NOT mean you should roll over and play dead and allow yourself to be manipulated.. State your views calmly and with a smile on your face -and do NOT back down from them.. Compromise where you feel comfortable and stand firm where you can't.. Either they will accept your terms or they won't..

 

[JVL1018]

I have had arguments with my brothers(older one esp.) and my SIL(his wife)..and all is always well once the air is cleared.
We are a very close family and fights happen, we don't treat it as a big deal-we deal with it the same way we do as kids, argue, fight and then 15 minutes later it's over.
My SIL has been one of my best friends since we were in 3rd grade so it's easier for us to speak plainly and then get over it I think with our shared history.