Advice on relationship?

[honeywolf7]

My dad would not approve of Roger's and my relationship and neither would his mom. We both know this and at first we basically just ignored it. However, for the past week whenever we were together Roger has said something like "Hey, let's go see your dad" and then waited a second before saying "Just kidding." Well, today he said "Should we go now?" right after I had been discussing the fact that my dad and mom found a dog on their doorstep this weekend. He tends to flit from conversation topic to a different conversation topic so I figured he was asking whether we should get our lunch and I said yes. He practically jumped on it by saying "Really??!!!" and that's when I realized he was asking (supposedly teasingly) whether we should go see my dad. So, here's my question: Do you think he's really either consciously or subconsciously wanting to tell my dad about us? He brought it up later by asking exactly what my dad would say to him and what he'd say to me if my dad did meet him.

 

[SuiteDisney]

Maybe you should sit down and have a talk with your Dad. He might just surprise you, most parents just want their children to be happy. And if your Dad has time to think things through, he might be nicer to Roger when they meet.

 

[honeywolf7]

Laura, we're talking about a man who told me when I was 9 that if I ever "brought a black guy home" he'd disown me.

 

[SuiteDisney]

That is so sad.

But in the end, it's your life and you have to make your own decisions and do what's best for you and makes you happy. You can't live your life trying to please someone else. Maybe your Dad's views have changed and maybe he'd just like to see you with a man who treats you well and makes you happy.

I sure hope it works out better than you expect. (((hugs)))

 

[Beauty]

Coming from the South I can certainly relate with you. My grandmother did disown one of her grandchildren for dating a black man. It is so sad! I can understand my grandmother being 87 years old and that was honestly the way they were brought up. But although I can understand, I can not agree with it. God made us all and love can not be stopped just because the color of your skin happens to be different. Color does not make a person good or bad and color had nothing to do with what is in a persons heart. By the way you are talking it seems like this man cares a great deal for you, if he didn't then he wouldn't want to try and win over your father. I don't know what I would do but I do know that if this relationship is serious and could turn into real and true love then your parents have to know....and I sure hope they accept it. {{{HUGS}}} to you and good luck!

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Maybe subconciously Roger wants to see if you'll stand up for him. Do you want to be with him enough to jeopardize your relationship with your dad? If the answer is no, Roger has the right to know that.

 

[honeywolf7]

Addicted, actually for the first time in my life the answer is that I wouldn't back down if pressured to by my dad.

 

[Jenzebelle]

You're not going to hide the relationship from your parents forever. Especially since you have small children and they have a habit of letting things slip that you want to keep hushed.
I would tell your Father. If Roger is going to be a large part of your life, then your family needs to become adjusted to the fact. If your father doesn't accept it, then honestly that is his problem.

You need to do what makes you happy, and if your Father is too small minded and petty to get past his closed mind and allow you as an adult to be happy, then oh well.

I learned the hard way that I need to do things to please myself and stop looking for my Mother's approval or to stop omitting things out of fear of getting her upset. Since I've done that, our relationship has gotten much better.

And who knows, your Father might surprise you.

 

[honeywolf7]

Jenn and everyone else, you're right....it's just scary to think about. I've spent my whole life trying to please my father and live up to his standards. In fact when Roger asked what he'd say to me, the first thing I said he would say is "I raised you better than that" followed quickly by telling me that I am disrespecting him. Then I told Roger that whatever my dad said I would disagree with him. I turned the tables and asked what his mom would say and he said he honestly didn't know but he'd disagree with whatever she said as well. By the way, the only problem my mom would have with the relationship is the 12 year age difference because she still thinks of me as a little girl sometimes (but she wouldn't make a huge deal out of it.)