Advice..How much do you play with your 3 YR old?

[Skyw]

Please help me. My son turned 3 this month and doesn't want to play by himself. I feel guilty when I don't play with him and frustrated that I can't get the house clean when I do play with him. So how much time to I play??? And how much time do I tell him to play by himself?????

 

[MSSANDRA]

Try involving him in your activites. If you are cleaning, give him a dust cloth and let him help. If you are cooking dinner, let him put the biscuits on the pan or break beans to cook. Folding clothes? Let him match socks or fold the wash clothes. Let him draw, while you write bills or cut paper as you cut coupons. Try setting him up with his toys near your projects. His play dough near your scrap booking. Keep a running conversation going with him while you work. You do need to spend a least some time playing, that is his work, but you can play less with out guilt when you have spent lots of quality time with him doing other things. Look for toys you really do not mind playing with him, wheter it be puzzles or legos. Let him know how long you are going to play and warn him with there is 5 or 10 minute left. As a stay at home mom of an only child, I remember well those days!!! As a mom of a 14 year old that no longer plays, try to enjoy these days, it will end too soon. Good luck.

Ms sandra

 

[Skyw]

Thanks....that gives me some idea's. I am also a stay home mom of an only child. I am also new to the town I live in and haven't developed any future play dates yet. We have alot of together time.

 

[monorailsilver]

My son is 3 but he also plays with his older sister who is 5 & tends to play, ie climb on his baby sister who is 7 months to my dismay.

But when older dd is in school for the am & he isn't (he goes to pre-k 2 days a week), I try to play a game or two with him as long as little dd is cooperative.

Mine likes to paint, play with trains, color (at times), he likes the color wonder sets and he loves water. Give him a hose & he will be spraying for hours.

My kids have a swiffer for play but it is really a kids mop but I attach a swiffer thing to it & they swiff the floors for me.

My ds also loves Hot Wheels.

And if all else fails, play with him until you are ready to clean/cook & at that time let him pick out a movie to watch & let him watch it with a snack while you do what you need to do.

Oh, can you go to a local park? This way it breaks up the day. We have a small swing set at home but with one child it isn't fun & so we'd go to the park mainly so I could see an adult.

 

[Not so Dumbo]

Just this school year I have also encountered this problem. With DS6 in school all day now, DS4 want me to be his play buddy all morning long. I have to admit, I haven't been getting much house work done between him and his sister(5months) We play video games, which I don't mind, Thomas the train track, which I do mind, and we also play with the baby together. I have been trying to get him to watch more cartoons so that I can get some other things done too. He has special needs and it's hard for him to consentrate on t.v. for too long.

 

[grlpwrd]

Our 3 older girls are in school during the day while I am home with my 3yo son and 15mo dd. I try to play and read to them as much as I can.

We play with playdough, read stories, color in coloring books, play with our indoor toys, such as the new kid trampoline I bought and our Little Tikes toys we have (cars, rocker, toddler playground with slide, play kitchen). We also play with blocks, pots and pans, trains on their train table, and we do go to the playground, too. We have a wooden playground that we got from a nice neighbor so we'll set that up soon.

I do try to have them play in my direct supervision when and if I have to do a chore and do many of the suggestions by Ms Sandra. I think it's all about balance.

 

[MissyPrissy]

let me encourage you to teach your little one that playing by himself is an okay thing to do. My mom had a lot to do when were young and we learned at a young age to play by ourselves. It taught us independence and we developed our imaginations as a result. The idea above about setting up his activities near what you are doing was great! Just keep encouraging him to play while you work. An occasional "NICE JOB" goes a long way!

My step daughter is 7 years old and she HATES to play by herself. She constantly wants attention, "let's play a game, let's do an art project, let's do anything we can do that will keep adult attention on me at all times..." It is a problem. Her grandparents give her undivided attention and cater to her every whim. They have her whole life long. Her brother on the other hand, who is 4 years old, can play quite happily by himself for hours. The reason for this is that my step daughter is the obvious favorite and he is passed over and ignored sometimes. Doesn't bother him all that much as he has a wonderful imagination and has entire conversations with blocks and rocks and trucks. (not that it is okay that they ignore him, and he does act out sometimes b/c of it, but mostly he's an easy going little guy). My step daughter has a lot of emotional issues and a lot of that has to do with not knowing what to do when she is alone. She's never been challenged in that way. It's is a problem.

SO, encourage that independence. Don't feel guilty at all for trying to get some work done. Kids do need to realize that whole world does not revolve around. Teaching them some self sufficiancy now will go a long way in the future!!

 

[Fintastic]

My daughter will be three at the end of the month and she doesn't play alone either. I know a lot of it is my fault; I work full time, which I'm unhappy about having to do, so it makes me feel guilty, which means that when I'm not working, I'm 100% focused on her. I don't spoil her with things, but I think I've spoiled her with time. Constantly reading, playing, running around.

If I tell her to go play in her room for a few minutes, she whines, "Come play with me in my room." If I'm doing housework, she wants to "help" (which I let her do even though it takes me twice as long to finish a task). But if I'm trying to do something like read or play on the computer, she wants to be involved in some way. I don't get any downtime unless A) she's gone to bed or B) I can entice her with a movie.

 

[mom2alix]

Here's a suggestion: try a timer. Promise your DS that he will have your undivided attention for 20 minutes, then you need to get somework done for 20 minutes. Show him the timer and maybe let him help set it. Make sure you stop working when the timer says work time is over and play with him again. Sometimes kids feel like we spend all our time with other things (even while we feel we spend all our time playing). The timer helps appeal to their sense of fairness (which seems to really take off at this age). I actually like the 20/20/20 Play time/Work time/Mommy time approach. At lot of times Mommy time is still spent with the kids, but I pick the activity instead of them.

Good luck!!!

 

[Skyw]

Thanks for the good ideas. I thought I read every book out there and I hadn't seen some of the ideas everyone suggested. Like the 20/20/20. Good idea!!! I can play, clean and maybe study (I am a pilot in the national guard when I am not at home with DS). And he would love to "help" with the chores.

 

[kldmom2000]

I am actually feeling guilty for not playing with my DD very much because she plays so well independently.... my older DD is in full day school for the first time this year (1st grade) and my younger DD just turned 4. She gets so involved in what she's doing!!!

My older DD though used to be very needy when she was younger so I understand where you're coming from.... as the other posters suggested, when I had to clean, I'd fill a squirt bottle with water and hand her some rags and let her "clean" the sliding glass door.... she had a small broom and fake Dirt Devil vacuum that she'd "help" me with... We would fold laundry together and cook together so the daily things would get done..... then we'd have play time and I found that crafts and blocks would keep her entertained by herself for a while too.....

As far as not having met anyone yet, please look into the MOMS club. They are an international organization with chapters all over the place.... here's the link to try to find one near you...
http://www.momsclub.org/
I discovered one when my 1st dd was 13 months old and we'd just moved to a new neighborhood in our first house.... I felt lonely having worked up until she was born and needed some other "adult" company where she would benefit too from the playdates.... I'm still a member 5 yrs later and I'd have to say that the women I met in the group are some of my dearest friends now....

Good luck to you!